Almost Every Idea and Resource to Help with a Job Search: SHOW THEM YOU’RE A CLASS ACT

Chapter 1. The Politics of People

How to Deal With People 1

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Treat people right. Give them more than they expect. Make them feel good.

A friend is someone who lives for what you create together right now.

You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love which binds all things together in perfect unity.

Colossians 3:12-15

Try to be at peace with everyone.

Hebrews 12:14

Accept people on their own terms.

The way to deal with people is to be nice, helpful and try to make them feel happy for the moment. They judge you in the first five seconds of contact so at the very least, be neutral and bland. Don't be arrogant and snotty.

At the very best, be pleasant but don't offer a phony smile or come on too strong too soon. Just be coolly casual and nice. Give someone a compliment in a casual way like you really mean it and they will like you immediately because people are generally so starved for attention that they will fall for it every time.

Tell almost anyone they're interesting, they will think you mean it and keep flapping their gums. By talking to someone casually, you show you like them so they like you back.

Merely by offering a bland sociable comment, you show you're being friendly. That's the best you can do because coming on too strong and friendly is just as suspicious as being cold if not moreso.

The way I deal with people is I give them lots of space. I'm not nosey. I never impose and I don't have the need to constantly socialize and talk to others like I did when I was younger and felt worried about being lonely and trying to see what other people were thinking about to learn about life.

My basic philosophy is to be sociable and nonthreatening but generally don't trust people, especially with money and in business. People I deal with don't know how cynical I am because I play along with everybody. I act like a trusting chap but I'm not

It's not that important to me to argue to get my point across. I know nobody cares about anything but their own point of view anyway. A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest so why bother arguing with people. You can't change their minds.

People will use you and betray you if you enable them by being a pushover. The next time somebody close to you betrays you remember what I said here.

I think it's partially human nature and partially the capitalist, pop culture world of material excess we live in, the "I want it all, I want it now" ideology. Most of us are way too self-centered to be purely loving for its own sake. We can't see past what's in our own heads to feel for the other guy.

No matter how negative the person might be that I'm dealing with, I always first assume that I'm gonna get positive energy out of them so I go in with that expectation, to feed off whatever positive vibes they're sending me to send it back not to go in shriveled up dreading the encounter. You have to be open to get open vibes back.

I always watch my tongue. I never talk too much. I let them do most of the talking and stand there like a supportive friend, nodding and smiling like a stupid, old Buddha.

People give you what you give them except for the few bastards and bitches who are hopelessly selfish and hateful all the time.

Most people think they're fascinating and beautiful. By talking to them, you reinforce this thought in them so they like you back because they think you see how fascinating they are even if you're just going with the flow being casually nice to anyone who bites just for the entertainment value to see what other people are thinking about even if you don't really give a damn.

Be easy, cool and fun. The way to make people like you is to engage in small talk so that you each get a sense of each other and if you get to a point of friendship or romantic love with someone, this ritual never ends.

Most people, especially women with whom you're connected to personally, need you to touch bases with them all the time with meaningless small talk otherwise they think you don't like them anymore or are plotting something against them by your silence.

Girls aren't happy with silence. They need their husbands to talk to them for a few minutes every day or two so they know where your head is at. Even meaningless rants about nothing in particular reassures them you're still in love with them.

Women over 30 know that a man could leave them for a younger chick at any time. That's the battle of the sexes. Women get uglier with age. Men get more wealthy and mature.

People have to get a read on each other daily, especially your loved ones you live with which is why, on those days you don't want to talk, you have to make a few lines of small talk anyway to show them you're not mad at them, you just don't feel like socializing much.

Treat people like they're part of your family or good friends. Pay attention to the little details of what they say. Always be pleasant. Be a middle of the road type of person who makes others feel comfortable.

Don't run off at the mouth. Move fluidly from one subject to another. Know when the conversation is over and bow out gracefully.

Use pauses and silence in moderation to let the conversation take on a natural rhythm. Don't be too profound or a know-it-all. Don't interrupt. Don't dominate. Be yourself unless you're a bore then learn to act happy. Be interesting. Speak gently and softly.

Among men in the modern world, deep friendships are rare because we've all been conditioned to stay superficial, never breathe a word about our problems and carry our own crosses so all my relationships with my buddies are at a safe, superficial level which is sociable enough but doesn't really do much for me much as far as feeling a satisfying intimate connection.

If I come across someone who snubs me or I don't intuitively like, I ignore them, avoid eye contact, keep my head down, act like they're not there and get out as soon as I can. This is better than saying something stupid to start a fight.

You can learn from negative people and turn any negative encounter into a positive situation. Whenever you come across someone being a dipstick, keep your mouth shut, smile to yourself and be thankful you're not like them.

Say to yourself you will try extra harder to be the exact opposite of whatever negative behavior they're showing. Everybody in your path is there to teach you something, even the negative ones. Learn what you shouldn't be like.

The way to be a good person is to be good to yourself. If you respect yourself, you will have some respect for the sanctity of life and you will respect other people as copies of you on some level.

The unspoken code out in public is to mind your own business so I'm nice enough but don't smile like a naïve fool nor do I get into anybody's face.

If I feel good, I give a homeless guy a buck, make casual conversation with strangers, if I feel bad, I stay away from people.

Life in America is generally people rushing through life, working their jobs, going to their cubbyholes to watch TV detached from everybody else.

Your best bet in general for peace of mind and social expediency is to be a good person by culturing a calm supportive nature about yourself.

Just stay cool and relaxed and don't try to be too friendly because a lot of people don't want the burden of having to be friendly to other people.

They wanna be left alone unbothered. They're stuck in their heads, don't understand you and don't really want to just like you're stuck in your head living your life.

If you see someone in need, reach out, give them peaceful conversation, subtle encouragement, a shot of love, inspiration, a boost.

Kindness is easy when you feel good about life so if you wanna be a good citizen, be good to yourself, get your youthful spark strong then you will have true joy and energy to burn and you will wanna reach out to the world somehow.

Ultimately, we're all a bunch of loner souls caught up in our own melodramas made up of our need for money and material things, our private fantasies, heartaches, tragedies, triumphs and relationships with real people.

Sometimes we want intimate contact, sometimes we don't. This is life as lived day by day. Through it all, you must have the sense to know that you have to hang onto your inspired youthful spark otherwise everything else in your life is a wash.

When you meet someone for the first time, they're checking you out to see if you're friend or foe. You develop trust over time by proving you're a non-threatening positive force but even still, face to face encounters with people can be tough because oftentimes, you have nothing to say but you still feel an obligation to touch bases socially.

I simply try to be a good person and make pleasant, non-controversial small-talk. If there's nothing to say, I move on. I don't try to force conversations.

Even the closest among us are still infinite distances apart in terms of what others really know what we're thinking beyond our public personas.

Many people fear other people. They're insecure and shy, they may feel lonely in a crowd or when they feel tired and weak, they don't feel like facing other people. Many people feel tense for one reason or another sometimes. When I sense tension, I move on and leave them be.

A lot of people feel self-conscious in certain social situations, especially when several or more people are focussed on them. Regardless of what situation you're in, don't let groups of people make you alter your behavior because you feel self-conscious. Always be your true self. Keep your dignity.

Try to talk to people as though you were one on one even if in a group and everybody's trying to act cool.

Don't belittle someone just to try to get a laugh.

Don't talk negatively about people to other people because these people may assume you're negative and will talk about them when you turn your back.

Don't force conversations. Always tailor yourself to whoever you're talking to. If you sense discomfort or the conversation dies a natural death, close it off and move on.

Many people don't want to talk or make friends. Let sleeping dogs lie. You don't have to be stoic like we're supposed to be out in public but at the same time, don't push for social interactions.

Just make a few pleasant remarks. If somebody wants to talk to you, they will. If not, don't push it. Don't be too friendly. Be pleasant. People are suspicious of over-friendly people so be nice but don't come on too strong.

There are many negative, small-minded people out there. Once you realize somebody you're dealing with fits into this category, your best bet is to be superficially pleasant when you're around them but otherwise try to avoid them as much as possible.

Small-minded people are negative for either of the three following reasons or all of them put together:

Excessive vanity, ego problems, have to feel superior to everybody.

Anger at the world for not being successful enough.

Narrow mindset caused by a lifetime of brainwash from the world.

Many of these people see life from a box with a limited point of view and set rules and regulations that don't allow them to see the big picture nor the more spiritual flow that life should be.

Many negative people subconsciously feel inferior and unfulfilled on the inside even though they don't know why so they deal with it by being jerks on the outside in real life to try to give themselves some kind of warped good feeling for the moment but they can never be fulfilled because all their actions are negative and empty.

Many people in positions of authority try to abuse their subordinates even though they don't realize that all this power is artificial, it has nothing to do with who they really are as human beings. Many of these losers don't even realize they're jerks. Some get enlightened, many don't.

Deal with these type of people minimally if you have to but otherwise avoid them because they will just drag your soul down.

If you can't sense some kind of good intention coming out of a person, don't deal with them much unless they prove to you otherwise by their actions.

I don't particularly care what people think about me because I know how fulfilled I am with my life and how insecure most people are in their private thoughts so if someone tries to put me on the spot or embarrass me in a conversation, I simply write them off as negative people and avoid sociable conversation the next time I see them.

I give them short, terse answers to let them know indirectly that I don't like them nor their company. That's how you get rid of undesirables. Other than that, you ignore them, especially all the negative stuff they say.

When it gets right down to it, people don't give a damn about you much, they're thinking about their lives so don't worry about what others might be thinking about you. Just try to live a great life for yourself uninfluenced by anybody negative out there.

There are losers around who overcompensate for their feelings of inferiority by being loudmouths. A line in the poem Desiderata says avoid loud and aggressive people because they are vexations to the spirit.

If you're around loud people, know they're usually messed up inside. You don't have to take it. Leave the situation as quickly as possible.

With women, no matter how different the players are, even a young guy with an older woman, the guy will almost always have sexual thoughts about any female he comes across and talks to. This is the way it is for men.

Maybe women are the same, I don't know but I do know that men are sexual beings right down to the core thinking sexually about just about all women they meet out there in public.

There can be no such thing as a purely platonic relationship between a reasonably attractive guy and girl. At the very least, there will be flirting there.

Most people don't want to get to know other people too well, to get too deep with them because it's safer and easier to stay superficial plus the fact that we're more concerned with our own lives than the lives of others so we only want to hear their stories to stay sociable but not so much that they drag us into their problems, miseries, melodramas and ego trips.

The golden rule is to never make waves unless someone is disrespecting you blatantly. Be pleasant to get what you want out of any deal. People respond better to pleasantness than adversity.

The second you betray any sense of sarcasm or animosity in your voice is the second you've made an enemy who will try to get you back one way or another.

People are generally quite vengeful and will remember the time you snubbed them if an opportunity comes up for them to get you back.

If you have a gentle, calm voice, you will disarm most people who will respond with gentleness too.

One second of a loud, arrogant tone in your voice and you've alienated someone. Life goes a lot easier if you're nice to people.

How To Deal With People 2

People will open up to you only if you give of yourself first.

If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. If I can ease one life the aching or cool one pain or help one fainting Robin unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickinson

The world is full of trivial, narrow-minded people, some just petty and stupid, others inherently evil, that you will come across who will try to use you or take advantage of you one way or another.

Forgive the negative lost souls of the world, even if just in your mind, then forget about them as quickly as possible.

If you choose to stay around a petty lost soul it's your fault for being so starved for companionship that you choose to stay with a louse rather than get rid of the bum.

Look at negative, rotten people as a gift to you when you're faced with them because they make you realize how lucky you are for not being like them and make you spiritually stronger when you learn to deal with them quickly, roll over and forget about them without any effect on your life.

If you give in to bitterness and hate, it will drain your soul's natural healthy inspired energy. If you're powerful enough to forgive and forget, even if just in your mind and keep moving on with your life, you win because you're proving to yourself how strong you are that no petty minds out there can phase you no matter what.

You can't love everyone so don't try.

You will be intuitively attracted to three types of people:

Your soulmate (your romantic love connection).

A few kindred spirits (people who think like you).

Friends (people who are not like you but are still good, decent people).

Everyone else, except for relatives who you're stuck with, is basically your environment like furniture or trees. Sure, be nice to them in a perfunctory way, smile and even use phony charm if you want but don't kid yourself.

There's no such thing as a holistic love of humanity. There are only a few people out there that you will really truly like or love from the bottom of your heart, a kind of in-group who are people basically like you.

Don't necessarily judge people by outer look. Give them a chance to reveal their souls to you. Friends aren't really kindred spirits but they're good people who understand the need for sociability and don't mind being nice and cheerful to others because they're decent people who want to be positive about life so play it cool, don't judge based on outer look alone.

Even slobs can be good people. I've known slobs who were great people and great friends. Just because they ate too much of the wrong foods and smelled like pizza didn't make them bad. You have to accept people for who they are.

Some people hate everybody who's not like them, I'm just indifferent to them. I live my life, mind my own business, nod my head, act superficially pleasant but don't have a strong social need to connect to people I know are different than me even though I befriend such people from time to time because we have a common motive or understanding in a certain situation. It's simply just too overwhelming to try to befriend everybody, even people you intuitively feel nothing for, because, for one reason or another you just know you don't like them.

Be friendly to others and they will be friendly to you. You don't have to get deep about it, just be pleasant and lighthearted, go for a laugh, help them out if they need it, socialize and try to have fun times together.

You can have business friends too. It's like that quote, "Politics makes strange bedfellows."

The truth is that life makes strange bedfellows. You can have the unlikeliest of people come together to form an alliance when it comes down to earning money with each other or any other common cause.

By the same token, it doesn't matter who you live next to. You will usually befriend your immediate neighbors to some extent because it's a wise thing to do from a pragmatic point of view.

Prejudiced white people often develop friendships with black or gay neighbors because they see them as ordinary people like themselves, nothing more.

The way of the world is generally petty materialism so don't expect lighthearted, enlightened people out there living for soul.

Expect small-minded people with phony fronts thinking they know it all measuring their lives by their possessions and alleged status in the so-called world. Just watch Court TV sometimes to see the true nature of the beast.

How To Deal With People 3

All the evil in the world is generally caused by anger at feeling misused and left out by a cruel system compounded by a feeling of loneliness.

Most bad people are people who probably don't get enough love and feasible opportunity to do something worthy with their lives so know that anger is pain, these people are generally messed up with empty souls so don't take it personally when someone lashes out at you and know it's their problem not yours.

Miserable people are often lonely and feel that life has passed them by but don't realize they have to create their own lives.

Society is a bunch of solitary blobs of flesh each walking around in a world of their own creation connected to other people by the law, political system, business machine, mass media, pop culture and the social-religious delusions we share but we're all loners.

Nobody really knows what anybody else is really thinking even though most of us try to act like we're cool, pro-social, hip and connected to the illusory in-crowd.

We all live in fantasies in our own minds known to none but us. You never really truly know anybody else so your best bet is not to try too hard because almost no one will ever reveal their true selves to you.

Accept yourself for who you are, accept your life and play along with everybody else. Let them live in their fantasy worlds just like you live in yours. Don't try to change them or impose your view.

Everybody loves themselves above all else, everybody thinks they're pretty damn cool and special so your job is to play along, be pleasant, nice and use a bit of charm. That's the true politics of how to get along

with people.

Everything you do speaks volumes about your character and if you're negative, it will be used against you at some point in time as an act of revenge so I always either keep my mouth shut or speak like pleasant Jello, going along with anybody I come across because I have no ego to protect anyway since I don't care of what others might think of me or of what impression I might make on them so I don't bother with the oneupmanship games many people play. I just be myself and if somebody doesn't like that, I could care less.

To get what you want, give people what they want, namely attention, compliments, charm and useful practical assistance. Don't bother with oneupmanship thinking.

If you're enlightened, your ego is within you as part of your soul. You don't need to compete with other people or feed your ego by trying to appear superior or winning some illusory status games.

You already feel good within yourself. You really don't need other people to give you a jolt, peptalk or a compliment nor do you need to connect with people for comfort and support.

If you need love, try to find one pure heart to be with. If you can find a few kindred spirits who share your love of life, you're ahead of the game.

Everyone else is caught up in a world of their own creation; their own fantasies and problems. It's great to think highly of yourself but when you're around other people, be humble, passive and interested in them in a courteous way.

Try to like people or at least be nice to them. It's the best way even if you hate them simply to avoid friction.

Refuse to allow anyone to belittle your soul by making you hate them.

Hate is a tough emotion because it takes so much effort. It's so much easier to be free to go along, liking whomever you want, forgiving your enemies and ignoring the rest.

At the very least, keep your mouth shut around people you don't like.

Forgive, forget and keep moving, taking nothing too seriously. If you meet a downer, get away as quickly as possible and don't let anyone interfere with your connection to your soul.

There are very few wonderfully perfect people in the world.

Whenever you're feeling scared, just remember that everybody else around you is feeling the exact same insecurities. People put on cool fronts but underneath, everybody's the same mash of contradictory emotions.

Biggest Mistakes By Most People

Everybody sees the world from their own point of view with themselves as the most important thing in life so the biggest mistake nearly everybody makes is that they think others are thinking about them and concerned with their lives as much as they're thinking about them but they aren't.

The biggest mistakes most people make is that they concern themselves too much with what they think others think of them namely their so-called image in the real world plus they see themselves as more special than they really are in the grand scheme of things. Granted, it's nice to feel special about yourself, if you don't, nobody else will but the problem starts when you think you're so special that other people are really interested or really spending their time thinking about your state of affairs.

Get it through your head, everybody lives in their own thoughts preoccupied with the most special thing to them - themselves not you.

Even teenie boppers can't obsess that much over their pop idols because they got their own lives and their own fantasies which are more interesting and real to them than some manufactured fantasy in the media.

The same holds for your friends and lovers who don't care about your daily thoughts or routine all that much, they got their own lives and problems so the lesson is to take your focus away from what you think others might be thinking about you and focus on the reality that is your life.

I did a survey on the internet and one of my biggest findings is that people think they know about their lovers' headspaces and what their lovers really think of them but the truth is that your perceptions of others and your perceptions of how you think they see you are often way off from the truth of the matter.

Generally, you see others as more plain and generic than they see themselves and they see you as more plain and generic than you think you are.

Everybody sees themselves as more special, good. Kind, nice and fascinating than others see them and everybody is a critic when it comes to other people.

Self-consciousness is the anxiety caused by worrying what others are thinking of you. I just say the hell with it and do what I want to do while being pleasant, quiet and humble.

How to Deal With People Websites

adviceforallages.org

adviceguide.org.uk allaboutlifechallenges.org alumbo.com/article/11077-how-to-quickly-and-easily-deal-with-rude-people.html

amazon.com/jerks-work-people-problems-problem/dp/1564143961, jerks at work: how to deal with people problems and problem people.

askyourneighbor.com

behavioradvisor.com

cosmogirl.com/lifeadvice/

davidco.com/forum/, how to deal with people against getting things done.

dealingwithdifficultpeople.com

ezinearticles.com/?life-advice---a-lost-friend-speaks&id=524347

hometownquotes.com

howtodealwithannoyingpeople.com

howtodealwithcreepypeople.com

idealpeoplemodels.com

lifeadvice.com

lifeadvice.nl

lifeadvice.org.uk

lifetips.com people.howstuffworks.com

pryor.com/mkt_info/products/4.asp, how to deal with difficult people.

selfdiscipline.vitalitytherapy.com, people who are strong willed or must deal with strong willed people.

soulfulliving.com

time.com/personal

wikihow.com/deal-with-impossible-people

Get a Job and Keep it

There is a think tank that came up with these “skills” to help get the job and succeed at it:

Read, write and speak clearly and simply

Listen and to understand.

Appreciate the points of view of others.

Share information.

Be proficient in e-mail and computers.

Make your point if need be.

Use a search engine to find info.

Know a little bit of all subjects.

Know basic math. Know how to add and subtract without a calculator.

Have the ability to analyze a situation, gather the facts, think about it then make a wise decision.

Seek different points of view. Listen to others, not just yourself.

Don’t be too dogmatic or self-centered. Make room for other ideas.

Always see the consequences of a decision on people. For example, some people just see that the ycan save money by firing people but don’t realize it could cause stress and sabotage.

Be creative and innovative in exploring possible solutions.

Make a decision, take action but if it’s going badly, don’t be afraid to reverse course.

Have a positive attitude and positive actions.

Be honest.

Be nice.

Recognize hard work.

Take care of your health.

Strive to be a positive force at work.

Don’t be a brownnoser.

Don’t try to dominate others.

Be accountable for your actions and the actions of your group.

Take some risk but don’t be foolhardy.

Go with the flow. Be sociable but when it’s time to work, shut up and work.

Be willing to listen and learn from mistakes.

Be a constant learner.

Be safety conscious.

You have to be able to work with others as part of a team.

Be flexible.

Respect others, even if they’re different.

Be a team player.

How to Be Likeable in Business, School or at Work/ How to be a Brownnose/ Suckhole

Act humble, modest, deferential and act like you sincerely like people even if you don’t. You can see all kinds of phonies in the media. Watch them. They’re always in character as nice, charming people even though you know they’ll steamroll anyone who gets in their way.

Successful people aren’t necessarily good people. They just have position and maybe money. You have to act like you think they’re higher and mightier than you and they can teach you something because they’re so advanced.

It’s all about buttering up the egos of all those phonies out there who think they got something over everyone else. Most have fragile egos. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t care about being out there with other people. Most enlightened people do their own thing regardless of praise or criticism. Egomaniacs that may be over you like a boss or teacher are generally suckers for praise. Just don’t go too heavy on it.

Try to lighten the mood. Be friendly. Don’t be controversial. Don’t ask hard questions.

There’s no exact path. Many people are evil. They get joy out of seeing subordinates or students squirm. Try your charm but it could backfire if they sense you are a phony like them.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Copy the people you want to impress.

You have to be nice but at the same time show enough flair so they think you’re cool, that you’re worthy of keeping company with them, even socially.

Everybody is ultimately alone. Many people cannot get enough personal contact. Except for a few sad sacks and curmudgeons, most people like social contact but the big egos want you to be deferential. If you act like a chum, they will think you’re taking liberties with them.

Act interested in other people.

Act like you need knowledge like a mentor to help you navigate the system.

Be as real as you can.

Create nice, sociable social media like a blog, facebook page, instagram account or Youtube channel then casually mention to others that you’re putting stuff up there. They might check it out to see how cool you are.

Make comments in school and work business.

Start a conversation on social media with the people you go to school with or work with.

Share and like their content.

Act dedicated.

People want to see that you are learning from their wisdom so sometimes you later repeat back something they said earlier.

Be a helper. Don’t just take. Help others.

To make it in academia or any field, you have to be a people person. You have to socialize, be friendly and know how to make smalltalk.

Chapter 2. Business Etiquette Info

General Etiquette

Manners is making people comfortable or not making them uncomfortable. Politeness is to do and say the kindest thing in the kindest way.

The secret to popularity is good manners done unconsciously. Don't be a self-centered, self-deluded idiot thinking you're superior and fantastic because people will see right through it.

I went to the #395 section of the library and got three thick books on etiquette with the intention of going through them to see what it was all about.

After a few minutes, I quickly realized it was all about "rules" and "ought to do's" for just about everything in life from introductions to sitting down to meal time, etc., many of which I probably violated in the course of my lifetime but I don't think it really matters all that much in any situation because it's the spirit that counts, just be a nice, humble, gentle person in any situation and you will be alright.

There are etiquette rules for business, parties, entertaining, new baby, anniversaries, funerals, weddings, how to eat properly, how to deal with neighbors, letter writing, official protocol, restaurants, dating, separation, divorce and remarriage, etc.

I can't do justice to all of them here so if you're really interested, simply go to the library and get one of the several thick books they have there that deals with it all or go to an etiquette website.

Some of these books have good extensive sections on things like weddings, parties and funerals.

Some basic rules I gleaned from the books are:

You are always a walking billboard for the world. The first thing people see is your face, whether you have a pleasant countenance or not. Then it's the clothes, neat and clean or dirty and grungy, clean shaven or unkempt, any vanity ticks like tattoos, earrings, etc.

When you open your mouth, people judge you first by the tone of your voice. In my opinion, you don't have to be loud and assertive, just be calm and soft spoken.

In this world of arrogant loud mouths, people like to hear a soft, soothing voice. Always enunciate meaning speak slowly and clearly.

Next, it's the words you use. You give yourself away whenever you use a double negative or something like ain't. Whenever I hear a female curse, my estimation of her as a lady goes down about 100%. She thinks she's being free and liberated but she's just being cheap.

You don't have to go the opposite extreme and use big words inappropriately to try to impress people with your knowledge of words, rather, just speak simply and clearly with a good command of the English language which you should have if you paid attention in grade school.

Whenever you meet someone, whether they're a friend or stranger, they're curious about your current mood so they'll check you out with initial smalltalk.

Establish yourself as a safe person through casual conversation. Try to be natural and don't clam up, it gives off the impression that you're hiding something. People aren't mind readers.

You have to make that move. People judge you based on conversation. Show a good command of the language. Don't swear, use some slang but not much. Be calm, it's just talk and talk is cheap.

Think before you speak. Use humor. Try to show your conversation skills by bouncing from topic to topic in a fluid way. It's like you're fishing.

You make a few statements, ask a few questions then when the topic dries up, move on to the next one. Sprinkle a few low key compliments in. If you don't agree with something, you can voice your opinion.

Conversation is usually about you or the other guy which is fine. When I'm out on the street, I will talk about anything to anybody.

Some people say avoid taboo topics like death, sex, drugs, politics, religion, etc. but I've found that some people like to talk about such things, particularly politics and particularly if they hate someone in office.

Politics is like entertainment, it's all over TV and radio and just about everybody has an opinion.

Don't get too personal with a stranger the first time out. Don't say anything negative or controversial because in the end, it's all talk and talk is cheap.

Don't talk about yourself too much, don't bullsh+t too much, don't complain, don't finish another's sentence, don't shift your gaze around from the person talking, don't contradict, don't steal another's story, don't tell secrets, don't snoop, don't repeat the same story, don't correct someone who has mispronounced something, don't whisper, don't get too personal and don't talk too much.

Don't stare at people, bump into them on purpose or point at them. Don't talk loudly in public. Never discuss your personal affairs in public where others can hear.

A man always lets a woman walk slightly ahead of him, through open doors first and opens all doors for her.

Let people exit an elevator first.

Chewing gum noticeably is a turn off.

Carry yourself with good posture.

Do not display your affections ardently in public. Casual kisses and hugs are OK.

Always stand and offer to shake hands when introduced. Don't shake hands with a woman unless she offers her hand first. Don't exaggerate the handshake. Just keep it firm, simple and short.

When introducing your wife, say her name then "my wife."

If you wear a hat, tip it when greeting a woman.

When a woman enters a room for the first time, stand until she is seated.

Always give a superior in business or an elder the respect of a "Mr." or "sir."

When you invite someone to a business lunch with the intention of paying, you say something like, "How about having lunch with me" the operative words being with me which implies that you will pay.

Be casual, try not to talk business until after you've ordered. Glance at the cheque briefly. Don't dwell on it. Don't stay too long after eating. Make the move to depart.

When arriving at a restaurant, check your hat and coats. Wait for the host or hostess to greet you then follow him to the table where he pulls the chair out for the woman then you sit down. He asks if anyone would like a cocktail or a drink. You don't have to order one or just order a soft drink.

The waiter takes your order and if there's a wine waiter, he will take your order or if not, the waiter will take your order for wine. If there's just a couple there, the man usually orders for the woman but if the waiter asks her something like what kind of salad dressing she wants, she would answer him directly.

Have good posture when you eat. Say grace if appropriate. Place the napkin on your lap. Use the silverware from the outside from where it is placed to the inside. Some foods like bacon, artichokes, asparagus and cherry tomatoes can be eaten with the fingers.

Quarter fruits like apples, etc. with a knife the cut the core away and eat it with your fingers. Sliced avocado may be eaten with a fork. Use a spoon to eat a halved avocado.

Either eat cheese on crackers or with a fork. When eating, don't lean over the plate, bring the food up to your mouth. Sit straight ahead, not sideways. Wipe your mouth with a napkin daintily.

Don't drink or eat with elbows on the table. When going for a refill, pass the cup and saucer together or if just a cup, pass it with the handle facing the receiver. Don't drink out of a glass with food in your mouth. Food on the rim looks tacky.

When eating soup, don't spoon it towards you or tip the bowl towards you. Don't eat soup from the tip of the spoon, scrape the spoon on the edge of the bowl or leave a spoon in the bowl. Spoon it outwards and eat from the side of the spoon. The spoon stays on the saucer or plate when not being used.

Don't eat sandwiches whole, cut them in two. The proper way to eat bread is to break pieces off with your hands, butter it and eat it. Don't try to cut shrimp or oyster with a fork. Hold oyster shell in your left hand and detach it from the shell with the fork in the right hand. Dip it in sauce, eat it whole.

Eat shrimp from the fork whether whole or in bites. Don't stuff your mouth full, eat with your mouth open or wave utensils when talking. Don't eat until others are served unless at a large table.

Don't use your own utensil to serve yourself from a main bowl. Swallow your food before you talk.Be considerate of the waiter/ waitress.

Don't mix food on a plate. Cut spaghetti, lettuce or large food. Don't blow on food. Don't chew ice. Eat quietly without smacking. Cover your mouth when coughing or sneezing. Don't use a toothpick at the table. Do it in private in your car.

The way to remove bones and pits from your mouth is with the thumb and forefinger, lips closed, put at the edge of plate. Don't stand and bend over to get anything at the table. Ask for it. Use fork not knife to take butter from the butter tray.

Don't leave the table before others without excusing yourself. Don't toss napkin in plate when finished, put it neatly to the left of your plate. Stand if a woman stops at the table.

It's fine to powder your nose and apply lipstick at the table if you do it unobtrusively. When the waiter brings vegetables in small dishes, put it on your main plate with a spoon. It's fine to taste another's food unobtrusively.

Don't tip the head waiter/ host unless he does a specific favor for you like reserve you a special table. Fifteen percent is standard. Avoid excessive coinage like pennies and nickels.

The general consensus about divorce etiquette is to be polite to your former spouse. You can still go out to social events together for the sake of the kids. Tell your parents about it. Don't destroy anything and seek revenge. Get over it.

Be cool when encountering your ex's new beau. Be friends if you can. Go delicate during holidays and days like Mother's and Father's Day especially if there's a step parent involved.

Don't ever call your parents by their names. Always say mom or dad. Call uncles, aunts and grandparents by those titles like Uncle Joe or Granddad.

Make condolence calls for deaths and ill people. It's enough to just be there to offer support as a friend. Flowers are always good.

Visit a friend or relative who's just had a new baby. Call on new neighbors.

Show good manners in sports and recreation.

Respect handicapped people as people like yourself. Don't bring up the handicap. If they do, you can ask questions about it.

You're stuck with your neighbors. You don't have to become friends but be amiable always. You never know when you will need a hand. Respect their privacy. If you become friends, don't assume you can go over whenever you feel like it.

Never comb your hair in public.

Wear coat with center button buttoned. Ties should be just the right length, a little above the belt line.

Enunciate properly as with the following words:

Wrong; Right

Huh?; Sir?

Yeah; Yes or Yes, sir.

Gimme; Give me

Hafta; Have to

Wanna; Want to

When answering a business phone call, state the name of the company then your name.

Don't let cigarette smoke blow in anyone's face.

Etiquette Websites

cuisinenet.com/digest/custom/etiquette/manners_intro.shtml

emilypost.com

epicurious.com/c_play/c02_polite/polite.

etiquettehell.com

etiquetteforall.com

etiquettenetwork.com

etiquettesource.com

ivillage.com, confidence coach.

mannersarefun.com

mannersplace.com

modernmanners.tv

presencesense.com

rabble.ca

Business Etiquette Info

The bottom line is working hard and doing a good job.

Just because the business world is full of sharks doesn't mean that you have to be part of the feeding frenzy.

I personally feel that you are who you are. Beyond neatness and cleanliness, clothes don't matter but a lot of conformists in the business world seem to think that a suit and tie indicates serious professional intent so this is the convention and if you want to be taken seriously, you should consider playing the game.

Poor speech is unacceptable. Speak clearly. Don't speak too fast, too slowly or use poor grammar. Nothing defines you more than your command of the English language.

If you have sloppy, poor speaking and writing skills, people will pick up on it on right away and know you're somewhat of a bumpkin who didn't pay attention in school. Books about grammar are at #400 to #410 and #800 to #810 at the library.

Your image is the way you are seen by others. First impressions make lasting impressions. Try to be genuinely who you are combined with enough tact to be appropriate to the situation.

It's ok to be a hillbilly redneck or anything you want but when you're in a business situation, act businesslike. That's what the term "professional" means, that you act businesslike no matter what.

All people like the same things in others. Come off pleasant, relaxed and noncontroversial. Smile every now and then.Maintain a positive vibe about yourself.

Don't be a rebel just for rebel's sake. If you have to fight for your rights in some issue, do it but don't be purposely disagreeable just to be different.

Dress and act appropriate to your business environment. Imitate the people around you. Wear the best quality clothing you can afford.

The mantra of the business world is conservatism. It's not like the hippie professor who purposely tries to dress mod and groovy.

You have to give off the impression that you're a good capitalist so wear a tie and ordinary black shoes not hiking boots, sandals, hush puppies or running shoes.

Go easy on the jewellery. If you have a nosering, tongue ring or if you're a guy wearing an earring, you're still too immature to be in business. Hang out with the pop culture deadbeats for a few more years until you see that they're the losers, you're the go-getting winner making money which is what it's all about - making money, right?

If you're a woman in business, do not dress to stand out with your wardrobe. Be neutral. Speak with your work not with high fashions or jewellry.

For office etiquette, the word is be appropriate for the occasion. You need all the allies you can get so try to get along with everyone. Learn your company s rules and follow them.

Be on time for everything. Do not be a clock watcher. Don't take too much time off from work. Show that you love your work and are interested in it.

Show respect for others. Avoid gossip. Keep your personal problems out of the office. People don't wanna hear them. Keep personal phone calls to a minimum.

Worldwide corporate culture is generally conservative, a quiet belief in God and status quo political beliefs. This differs across companies but in general, keep your mouth shut and stay conservative until you see what the natives are like then imitate them.

Keep your written correspondence simple. Use proper titles and salutations. Include your e-mail address and fax number.

If you need to work and don't want to be disturbed, put a sign on your door or cubicle.

Get your phone business organized. Use voice mail and an answering machine. Know how to make conference calls. Tell whoever you're talking to if someone else is listening at your end. Tell your secreatary daily how you want her to handle your calls.

Talk less, listen more. Relate to the other guy. Follow up with paperwork if necessary.

At work, be there for work but don't be so serious that you get anti-social. The most successful people are those who know how to socialize and put others at ease.

There are seldom situations in business when more than a handshake is appropriate. A hug might be appropriate when you congratulate a colleague you know particularly well on a promotion, marriage, or birth of a child.

If someone moves in to kiss you and you aren't receptive, just turn your head away or smile and bear it.

Keep meetings on the subject at hand. When you get a dissenter, thank him for his attempt at bettering the company in that way but say it's not feasible right now.

Eat with the gang at lunch or have a drink after work with them here and there.

Give others space especially if you have cubicles as opposed to an office.

Think through a possible romance in the workplace.

Try to avoid company time for personal e-mails, telephone calls, etc.

Befriend the lowliest person, even the janitor. You never know when you will need his help.

Be loyal to your boss unless he crosses the line with you then report him or quit. Lose your reverence for your boss. See him as who he is. If you want a raise or changes, tell him. If he works you too hard, tell him you need help.

Give business gifts sparingly, either for a holiday, a wedding, at the end of a project or to make up for a shortcoming on your part, like an apology of sorts.

Treat men and women alike in the business arena.

If a superior criticizes you at work, rather than saying "I'm sorry" say "Thank You for the feedback. I will use it next time."

Be a team player or at least act like one.

When you have a rival, try not to stoop to his level. Be civil to him.

If you forget someone's name, simply talk without using names then get it from your paperwork later or ask one of your compatriots for the person's name. Another way is to reintroduce yourself. Offer your hand to shake, stating your name. He should state his name. Or simply ask for his business card.

Read GQ magazine, Gentleman's Quarterly at gq.com. Even if it does seem kind of corny, they have some high brow writers who believe in dressing well, believe in class and high brow tastes, etc.

Business Etiquette Websites

Try #395.52 or HF5389 at the library, #643.7 for entertaining.

cuisinenet.com/digest/custom/etiquette/manners_intro.shtml

krolltravel.com/stories/business_protocoladvice.htm

careercenter.sjsu.edu

efficology.com/rel_business.htm, the gift of relationships--business.

psow.com, protocol school of washington.

lib.washington.edu/business/guides/bc.html

workabroad.monster.com/archives/etiquette

businessculture.com

etiquetteforall.com

mannersmith.com motria.mb.ca

protocoladvisors.com

protocolprofessionals.com

web.infoave.net/~eticon/busetiq

executiveplanet.com/community/default.asp

ravenwerks.com, online community of business executives, including an etiquette forum and free articles on topics of success.

Etiquette Worldwide

When in Rome, do as the Romans which means bow to Japanese guys and sing karaoke with them, eat pig feet, sausage and drink beer with Germans, drink wine and smoke cigarellos with Frenchmen, etc. Always say the magic words in the native tongue;

Please.

Thank You.

Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Have a sense of goodwill at work. Help people. Be a good, nice person.

Put people at ease by being a friend.

You're always judged by your behavior so act accordingly.

Go for win-win cooperation rather than win-lose competition.

When meeting someone for the first time, shake their hands normally (not excessively firm as though you're doing a textbook bullshit business champion handshake), look him in the eye for no more than three seconds (some fools try to stare the other guy down to show they're superior but this is stupid when you're trying to culture allies), be easygoing, easy to talk to. Be yourself, not too formal.

Try not to get angry but if someone is a jerk, let 'em have it, in a polite way, of course.

Make alliances, try to build bridges with enemies.

Don't be a show-off.

Don't criticize anyone in front of others.

Don't waste time socializing aimlessly.

Be professional at work but use the personal touch.

Don't get too physically close to people thereby invading their personal space.

Social skills are everything. Social ineptitude is the key to failure in life. You must be able to work with others.

If you make a mistake, either ignore it or apologize then move on.

Everybody sees things. Unless you're a tattle tail, keep your mouth shut unless what you saw could endanger other people's lives.

If somebody smokes, smells bad, leaves the bathroom dirty, etc., an anonymous note might be the solution.

People want respect. When talking to others who seem superior in the status game, always use Mister and Sir. Only move to first names when the other guy tells you to.

If somebody puts you down, give them a rebuff to show you're not a candyass.

Read the Bible constantly for inspiration and to keep a positive headspace. Keep a copy on your desk for appearance sake. Make it look marked up and well read.

If you're gay, you don't have to come out as this big, dramatic thing. Most people will intuitively know and not care because they got their own lives to worry about.

Many minorities are tense when surrounded by members of the majority. Act cordial and don't let it bother you.

In the end, show a little bit of consideration to everybody.

Try #395 and #650-#659 (business etiquette) at the library.

asu.edu/lib/hayden/ref/busi/intletiq.html businessculture.com

etiquetteintl.com

etiquettenetwork.com

etiquettesource.com

motria.mb.ca

protocoladvisors.com

protocolprofessionals.com

traveletiquette.com

webofculture.com/edu/gestures

Cell Phone Etiquette

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cell_phone_etiquette

letstalk.com, cell phone etiquette guide.

Chapter 3. Handle Yourself: Never Let 'em See You Sweat

Business Image

The term "business image" is an oxymoron because all smart people in business know that business is about relationships so nobody is looking for someone with an image like a façade is an image. They're looking for the real heart and soul of a person.

A venture capitalist was telling me that he lets everybody come in with their polished Powerpoint presentation that they practiced all last night for then when they get that over with, he talks to them one on one.

He's looking for the real person, not the polished one who just did a memorized song and dance routine but what the person is really like answering questions off the top of his or her head. This is more revealing than any canned presentation.

People want people who can think on their feet, have alternative plans or can make them up because things rarely go according to plan. Venture capitalists say they are looking for somebody with heart and soul who they can work with, who knows how to be sociable and be a team player.

I'm not saying business image is bad but make being real a part of your business image because there is a protocol for business image in business, a professional standard so to speak.

You speak in proper English, you have a good vocabulary, you can write well without making lots of mistakes, you wear a suit and tie, you act conservatively and you don't mess around like you're with your buds at the bar, even if you're with a bunch of men.

People expect a professional demeanor which means restraint. I saw two junior executive guys at some business social function start posing like musclemen. I don't know exactly what they were doing, I think it was insecurity on their part, but it looked out of place in amongst these older guys and some complained. The boss had to chew them out to set them straight. Just because they were all there drinking at this social function did not give them the right to start acting like macho clowns.

This is business image, always acting with that professional, unemotional air. Professional is another word for safe. You're always the same, focused on function, never emotional, never personable to the point of socializing. You're there to do a job. That's a professional attitude. You talk to coworkers and customers but it's only smalltalk. It's never deep, never controversial, never personal and never puts anyone on the spot or embarrasses them.

If you go to Japan, you'll see that they have a hierarchy all set up. Junior officers are always deferential to the older guys. Over here, we don't have that system formally. We like to say we're a meritocracy, promotions are based on merit but the truth is that we got the old boy's network here too.

If the younger guys don't give the elders proper respect, the elders who are the ones with the power will screw them. They want the respect they feel they're due as the elders and if they don't get it, they'll think you're an arrogant punk and screw you.

Be straight and direct even to the point of corniness if need be. Never relax enough to be informal. Always have that businesslike, measured sense of professionalism and aloofness. People like that because it's consistent. You're always in your business image character.

Somebody did a study of all the fashionably dressed men in the U.S. Congress. They found that these men have a knack of losing elections. The presumption is that if you're spending time grooming yourself, worrying about what you're wearing, you're not focussing on the job at hand, you're frivolous, you're not a great worker.

The lesson is don't overdress. Dress conservatively in neutral business attire.

Take care of yourself to look healthy and vital but go easy on the metrosexual thing.

Whatever you do, don't buy the hype about making a razzle dazzle first impression. Don't come on so strong that you look like a textbook case of Mr. Brownnose Go-Getter. Be more calm and relaxed. Speak through your work.

When you meet somebody, don't try to outdo them with a dominant handshake. Just shake their hand normally, look them in the eye for a second or two then nod. The superior person expects the subordinate to look away first. That's showing deference.

If you try to come off like the self-help guru or the guy hawking fitness equipment on shopping TV, people will see through it. It's over-the-top, not real, phony.

Tony Phoney doesn't wake up every morning with an electric plug up his ass being passionate about his love of life.

It's just a performance. It's not natural to act like an enthusiastic, bubbly phony all the time simply because it's impossible to always be like that so don't lock yourself into some image that's not you. Be more levelheaded.

Be a responsible person.

Respect everyone.

Be polite. Use manners.

Don't arrive to appointments late.

Return calls.

Answer e-mails promptly.

Resolve complaints quickly.

Business lunches or functions are about business. Don't be afraid to talk business while you eat. Talk about other things socially but remember that you're a professional business person.

When you go to social functions, expect to be nervous like everybody else. Try to be friendly. Don't do things out of nervousness. Some people get arrogant or overbearing to deal with their nervousness.

Never come on too strong. Be relaxed and friendly. If people like you, they'll give you the big contract in due time. They have tocheck you out first.

If you invite someone to lunch, you pay the bill.

Business oriented meals are not for eating. Business social functions are not for drinking. You can always eat or drink later on your own time. You're there to perform and make or cement business contacts. Eat a bit of food, take a little drink but don't eat like you're hungry or drink like you're an alcoholic.

The bottom line is that in a world of phony, ambitious go-getters, don't lose your dignity and be like them. Keep a sense of civility, politeness and friendliness about yourself. People generally know who's phony and who's real. You'll get further in the long run and won't have to sell your dignity for it.

Try #650.13 or BJ1873 at the library for books about business image.

socialimage.net

efficology.com/rel_business.htm

Association of Image Consultants

1000 Connecticut Ave. Nw

Washington, Dc 20006

800-383-8831

aici.org

Be a Gentleman

Be civil, considerate, friendly and respectful. Make the person you're with feel like they're important. Talk but mostly listen. Simply focus your attention on pleasing him or her.

Many minorities are tense when surrounded by members of the majority.

Act cordial and don't let it bother you.

When in public, shut your beeper off and don't blab too long if others can hear you. Leave enough information in your phone messages. When you have a message on someone's answering service, keep it simple, to the point, leave your name and phone number.

Speak slowly enough so people can understand you.

If you will be late somewhere, call and tell them. Too early can be just as bad as too late. Five minutes early is good enough.

The best way to deal with unwanted romantic advances is not take the person seriously. Laugh, act dismissive. Remind her you're married or remind her that she's married.

If you don't know something, don't live in ignorant bliss, ask questions.

Always speak clearly and simply, no fancy words.

Don't be vain or act too wise. Don't offer unsolicited advice or correct people on minor points.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

Don't eat or drink too much when entertaining.

Pray quietly before a meal if you're with a holy roller.

Treat people from other countries like people who live here.

Don't gossip.

Use the terms Ms. or Ma'm for all females to keep it simple.

Treat disabled people as normal.

A lot of people don't want to know about your wife, kids, her pregnancy, what you do on the weekend, etc. so go easy about revealing your life unless the other person is sincerely interested.

Most people don't wanna talk about their lives so if you talk about your life to them, it makes them feel obligated to open up to you even though they don't want to.

Personally, I think the world is too complicated and people too tense for jokes in general. There's too much room for the wrong interpretation. You can be easygoing without cracking jokes.

Have a sense of goodwill at work. Help people. Be a good, nice person.

Put people at ease by being a friend.

You're always judged by your behavior so act accordingly.

Go for win-win cooperation rather than win-lose competition.

Try not to get angry but if someone is a jerk, let them have it, in a polite way, of course.