WORK ISSUES 3

 

 

Chapter 1. Personal Evaluation Reports/ Pers

 

Personal Evaluation Reports/ Pers

 

The conventional view is that regular PERs/ performance evaluation reports are good.  They are reports on your employees where they read about what you think of their work and talk to about it if they want.  Some people say employees want feedback as to how they're doing. 

It's probably best to ask employees how they think they're doing, ask them what their weaknesses are, tell them what you think about their performance and chart a course for the future.

 

Personal Evaluation Reports/ Pers have become a steady staple in virtually all corporations.  Generally, they're like the report card you had in school in the younger grades.  There are 20 or so attributes that your immediate supervisor grades you on, things like:

 

Takes initiative.

 

Is a good leader.

 

Takes instruction well.

 

Is a team player.

 

Is punctual, comes to work on time.

 

In addition to this, the supervisor writes out a few paragraphs of your performance as he or she sees it.  The underlying assumption is that you and the company have a contract/ plan that you're trying to do your job better so they can promote you and otherwise move you up.  If you don't fit this plan, you will get a bad Per. 

 

With some Pers, they have a component called Peer Assessments where everybody has to rate everybody else on 20 attributes or so.

 

In some companies, you are assigned a number grade for every attribute your supervisor grades you on then given a final score which the company posts publicly because they think that this competition for high Pers is a good thing but I tend to think it creates an aura of phoniness, people acting like someone they're not just to get high Pers but it works so I shouldn't be too critical.

 

Performance reviews are a regular, ongoing process part of most corporate functions.  Managers should schedule a regular period for them once or twice a year, like the first week of June and the first week of January.

 

The purpose is supposed to be to examine an Individual's performance and progress relative to goals or expectations set by him or her and the manager during the last performance review.

 

Although everybody I know hates performance reviews, the HR people say it has several benefits like:

 

The manager and employee meet face to face at least once or twice a year.  It's a chance to air greivances on both sides and come to some kind of meeting of the minds.

 

It helps the manager identify problems employees might have and set on a course to correct the.  It also helps identify problem employees who might have to be eliminated.

 

The tone is specific.  Each side can say what's on their minds rather than passing in the hall and the boss saying you're doing a good job.

 

The performance review helps set goals for

the future to help guide the individual.

 

Good employees need to be told they're good.  Bad employees either need to be helped or identified and terminated.

 

If you decide to go with performance reviews, be professional and thorough about it.  Have your standard Performance Objective Sheet which lists 20 or more characteristics that the immediate superior grades the employee on plus the written report.  It helps if you have read it beforehand and have written down a few statements or questions.

 

In general, your direct supervisor calls everyone in one by one and asks you how you feel about your progress, questions you about your weaknesses, etc. 

 

From that, he gets a feel of your headspace and uses his own opinion to write out your Per which he will often pass onto his boss who then interviews all the underlings one by one even if he doesn't know them and talks to them based on what he reads in the Per.

 

The employee walks in, sits down.  You give him his average score on the sheet (if it's graded one to 5, 3 means you met the standard), let him read what his underling boss wrote up about him then talk to him about his weaknesses or strengths. 

 

He signs the Per and you both come to a tacit agreement that he will try to improve in some area or might be promoted if he keeps it up, etc. then he leaves and the next guy comes in. 

 

I knew one guy who was responsible for conducting 60 Pers twice a year.  It can take away time from doing real work but the HR guys will say it serves a valuable function. 

 

Some common Per topics are:

 

What did you achieve?  What are your objectives?

 

What obstacles prevent you from achieving your goals?

 

How can I help you get ahead, improve your performance?

 

What training do you need/ want and how can I help you get it?

 

Are you happy or do you want another position or a promotion?

 

What is your future plan with the company?

 

Be specific when talking to the employee.  Don't beat around the bush.  Tell him what he's good at, what he's bad at and where to go from here. 

 

Get feedback from him and a verbal statement so that you can verify that he understands what his issues are and that he says he will try to do better from his own lips.

 

Set future objectives for the individual.  If the employee wants training to advance in his job or needs substance abuse treatment, help him out with these things.

 

When you have an employee with a poor Per, tell him what he's doing wrong then tell him you will talk to him once a week for awhile to see how's he doing, re-evaluate him and get feedback. 

 

Document all his infractions.  Keep talking to him about it.  If he doesn't get better, escalate it up to probation then a final warning.

 

Get rid of him if it keeps up.  Try to talk to problem employees to find out what their problem is or what's really eating them.  

 

They may be having personal problems unrelated to work that's interfering with their performance.  Try to help them heal whatever's eating them and do better on the job.

 

If a manager uses his evaluation of your work performance to get back at you, if you can get people stand up for you in court, you can dispute his evaluation and sue him.

 

Try #658.311-3125 or HF5449 to HF5549 at the library.

 

Personal Evaluation Reports/ Pers, Anti-View

 

Personally, I feel the HR people like Pers because it's part of their job so they're going to do what they can to protect them but overall I'm of the mind of letting an object in motion go if it's going in a straight line which means you don't do Pers if you don't need them. 

 

It's kind of like if it's not broken, don't fix it.  If some guy has been doing a steady job for the past twenty years, what does he need Pers for?  They piss him off and waste your time.

 

Even though some companies have peer assessments where everyone rates their colleagues usually on about 20 criteria on a scale of one to five even if you barely know them, I don't like them because they're often a popularity contest and too personal. 

 

You're not really judging your co-workers work ability.  You're judging how much you like or dislike the person.  It makes the workplace phony.

 

Some bosses go around asking each worker about his co-workers.  This is generally stupid because people will inject their own personal biases into the equation, bring up gossipy items and it's not very reliable anyway because when you ask someone about someone else face to face, most people simply give a bland, whitewashed, generic answer, so what.

 

You only do them for the people who need a formal warning or probationary period.  Everybody else just keeps working as normal.  If you have a problem with anyone, you tell them when and as required.

 

There are generally eight major arguments against Pers:

 

1.) They are artificial and stilted.  They predispose that twice a year a boss will write up a report on an employee and go through a song and dance about it, often suggesting he try harder or pat him on the back for a job well done.

 

If it's broken, don't fix it.  If employee x has been driving a bread truck for the past 20 years or manager y has been doing his dinky little administrative job at his level of the Peter Principle (comfortable that he has reached his level where any more responsibility would mean incompetence on his part) and everything is running as smoothly as any bureaucracy could, why bother with Pers.  Life is more immediate and spiritual.

 

Many employers don't like the idea of Pers because they don't want to confront employees with negative criticisms so a lot of them rationalize that as long as the job gets done, who cares?  Who needs the hassles?

 

I generally tend to agree.  Life at the workplace to me should be a right now thing.  If someone is screwing up, you take them aside and talk to them.  Give them a few chances then tell them they aren't up to standard so they have to go. 

 

This approach usually works with sensible people but in our litigious society, employees are suing corporations left and right for wrongful termination which is probably the real reason for Pers. 

 

It leaves a paper trail plus the fact that the HR crew want to feel that their profession matters and perpetuate their jobs so they will always hype up the Per process.

 

2.) Pers waste a lot of time.  In order to write reports on 20 employees or so then interview them all one by one takes time away from the real job, production.  If an employee is doing a functional job, leave him be. 

If he's screwing up, that's the time to pull him aside and write up a formal report and start going through a process. 

 

Conversely, if he's doing a good job, pat him on the back.  Otherwise let sleeping dogs lie.  It's all about real conversation with employees when and as required, not stilted Pers.

 

Have a coaching/ mentoring program in place where a senior guy takes a junior guy under his wing and develops as he goes along with the need for Pers, just a comment to the boss that he's either cutting it or he isn't.

 

3.) Pers are generally not about work ability.  They're about popularity or how much the boss likes the worker as opposed to how good that worker is in an objective sense so it's an exercise in futility where nothing productive gets done. 

 

Try to hire workers you can relate to in the first place but barring that, keep the relationship focussed on work performance and leave your personal feelings and the personal relationship part of the relationship out of it.

 

4.) Pers are demeaning.  They send a message to the workers that we control you and a lot of the bosses don't like the role of having to dissect an employee, especially if it's a technical field like engineering where technical results is all that matters and if they've been working side by side with the guy on some project.

 

5.) Pers by their very nature imply a low trust of employees, by having formal written reports about them constantly. 

 

6.) In an era of propaganda about teamwork and horizontal leadership, Pers destroy this attempt at a more personable, cooperative relationship between workers and management by creating this rift with the superior boss on one side evaluating the lowly employee. 

 

7.) The Per is a sacred cow so deeply entrenched as an automatic part of our business culture that many managers would feel lost within them or feel like they're violating a great commandment of how to be successful in business according to what they learned in business school.

 

8.) When people know they're being evaluated, they tend to act phony and there's always tension that what they do could be written up. 

 

A law of psychology states that if someone puts an extrinsic reward system in place on something you like to do anyway, it screws you up, your love of the process goes and it is replaced by worrying about the Per and trying to fit into it instead of just being yourself and trying to do a decent job for the love of it.

 

Enlightened managers have to get over the brainwash to be more intuitive about their lives, listen to themselves and go with the flow, dealing with employee situations as the raise and ignoring them in favor of production when the going seems to be smooth with everyone pertorming at a reasonable comfort level.

 

Built into any organization is a silent self-accountability code.  If an individual is a screw up and/ or doesn't pull his weight, nobody else wants it, not the bosses, the other workers or the customers so the word always gets out sooner or ater anyway without the need for Pers and the players involved deal with it.

 

Either the employees knock some sense the bad seed or get rid of him or the boss steps up to the plate and deals with it without using Pers.  It's just part of the way a normal organization operates.

 

Stated simply, Pers give off a vibe of bad intentions.  Employees hate them being they're being dissected and a lot of managers don't particularly like the process of dissecting their employees just because it's that time of the year again.

 

Guide people along, offer training programs and mentor them rather than give them automatic Pers.

 

Give feedback when and as required.  If the employee does a functional job, don't patronize him.  Leave him be.  If he does a good job, promote him, give him a raise, tell him or give him Friday afternoon off.

 

Tell your employees the truth, that you think Pers are stilted and outdated and you're gonna be more intuitive from here on in, just dealing with problems and rewards for extra good work when and as required.

 

PER Websites

 

You can find PER information at the human resource resources in this book.  I couldn't find many websites that specifically dealt with PERs.

 

successfactors.com, employee evaluation, screening tests and evaluations for sale. careercc.com/career_assessment.shtml assessmentgenerator.com

secretan.com

abolishappraisals.com

allbusiness.com

businesslink.gov.uk/bdotg/action/detail?type=casestudies &itemid=1075390632, appraisals help us monitor performance and motivate staff.

business.com

epractizelabs.com, employment screening, assessment testing, employee training.

e-valreports.com

vocationalassessments.com

 

Chapter 2. Do You Deserve a Raise/ Promotion?

 

Asking for A Raise/ Promotion

 

Ask for a raise when you've worked hard enough to deserve it.  Be realistic though.  If you want to earn six figures, dress, act and work that way.  Be your own cheerleader but don't be arrogant. 

 

Do some background research work about salaries in your industry and locale and if you're getting paid beneath the average wage, you can use that as leverage in your arguments.

 

You need to tell the boss what you are worth to him and what you have achieved for him to deserve the pay rise.

 

A good way to do it is to look for another job, get a higher offer then tell the boss you got this offer.  Can he better it for you to stay?

 

Ask for more than you want to give yourself room to negotiate.  If you're any good, expect your boss to propose a counter-offer.

 

If you don't get your pay raise, start looking for another job.  Ask the boss why you aren't getting the raise then improve in these areas.  Work harder then try again in a few months.

 

If you can't get money, ask for other benefits like a phone or training and development so that you'll be worth more to the company.

 

The bottom line is that good bosses recognize good work and reward it.  There are always a few bosses in the bunch who don't care about you as an individual and will just try to soak you for what they can and if you offer dissent, they can you and hire the next sucker.

 

Do a good job then when you're in the interview room for a PER or to talk to the boss, tell them how good you are and what you can do.  Just come off with the attitude that you're a dedicated, hard worker and expect to be paid fairly for what you do.

 

You have to play it cool.  Read your boss.  Do a good job.  When you feel the timing is right and he's in a good mood, go in and ask for the raise.  Don't ask if you're not confident enough to either quit if you don't get it or are ready to walk out defeated because most bosses aren't pushovers.

 

They won't cave just because you ask them for more money.  If they don't think you deserve it, they'll tell you so.  You have to have some kind of stellar performance or a good work record backing you up.

 

Your boss doesn't care about your reason for wanting more money.  He has to feel you deserve it.  Be confident that you've done a good job.  Have your reasons ready. 

 

Don't rely on brown-nosing with the boss by socializing at lunch.  This is not enough.  You have to show him your performance is worth the money.  Remind him of exactly what you've accomplished.

 

If you really want a raise, EARN IT.  You have to be a great worker first then ask the right guy and be ready for compromise.  Do it like a man, don't hire a 3rd party which some people do.  If you feel you deserve a raise, bring it up orally to the boss. 

 

Do extra work, showcase your talents or ask/ offer to do a harder job.  Remember, it always comes down to company interests first so don't try to make an enemy out of your boss.  If you don't get what you want, take the steps to move on. 

 

Most people believe they're underpaid and deserve a raise but stop and ask yourself how important are you to the business.  If you're expendable (everybody's really expendable) and just another pleebe worker, don't ask for the stars because you will get the boot.

 

Are you productive or just putting in time that doesn't lead to great results?  Don't assume because you're a dinosaur on the seniority list that you deserve the breaks.  Some companies give rewards based on merit not time in.  It's a good way to keep people motivated.

 

Don't whine to the boss about how unrewarded you are and how tough your life is.  Shut up, work harder.  If he still doesn't appreciate you, get the guts to find a job where you've got a fresh start to be appreciated for who you are.

 

Don't bluff about quitting unless you intend to if he doesn't give you the raise because if you ask with an ultimatum and he refuses then you choke and stay, he knows you're a trivial little nobody and he owns you so he will push you until you quit anyway.  It's human nature to exploit people if you're in a position to.

 

Your salary is your scorecard on what you're worth to your boss and out in the world.  As such, it's the one bottom line indicator of status and power in the world. 

 

They say most people are underpaid because they dislike the topic of negotiating salary or asking for a raise and simply leave it where management puts it and that's it.  Look at salary as an expression of your worth to your boss. 

 

Some people see the salary game as a battle between the boss and the worker.  He's trying to get away as cheaply as he can while the worker is trying to get the most he can but in good corporations with good bosses, they're  smart enough to know they should pay their good workers well because their productivity reverberates throughout the company in ways nobody can conceive or understand. 

 

For example, one good worker could be the unwitting standard many other workers measure themselves by and strive to imitate on some subconscious level.

 

If you look at it as greed or your ego wanting reassurance, your bosses will scowl at you but if you go in and say you work hard, you're a good worker with results and state you want to be paid what you're worth, your chances are better than if you simply demand it because "that's what all executives are paid for that type of job." 

 

If you got balls, you will know your worth, be strong enough to go in and ask for a raise and be tough enough to walk away if he doesn't give it to you.  After all, if you ask for a raise, are refused then stay, he has won the power game over you. 

 

Your best leverage is probably to look for another job on the side, find it then go in and tell your current boss that company xyz has offered you x dollars.  Can he beat that?  Does he think it's worth giving you a raise to keep you?

 

Either leave and find another job (or go to the new one you already got) since you know you're worth it anyway.  He might come back sniveling offering you your raise in which  case, you've won the power game so it's safe to stay for awhile.  If he doesn't, it's probably for the best.  Why stay where you're not appreciated.  If you get a raise, get it in writing.

 

Don't be wishy-washy.  Ask for a straight cash raise and have an exact figure ready, not a ballpark figure, exactly what you expect to earn per week or per hour whichever is relevant.  If you want perks/ benefits, state it clearly and exactly. 

 

Overestimate what you want to show them you mean business and give them an opportunity to haggle it down.

 

If you really think you're worth it, ask for a raise everywhere you work.  If they give it, fine.  If they don't, quit and keep quitting until you find the right job that pays right.

 

Worst reasons to ask for a raise are:

 

I need the money.

 

Haven't had a raise in more than a year.

 

Others doing similar work are getting paid more money.

Employees at other companies earn more.

 

It's tough to get by.

 

Don't antagonize your boss.  Emphasize your unique points and earn your raise.  Don't be angry and demand a raise when you go in.  If you're nervous, practice with a friend. 

 

Work up to it gradually.  Make small talk with the boss here and there, dropping hints.  Wait until he's relaxed, in a good mood, eaten lunch or something good has happened like his wife just had a baby or he got that big contract.

 

Books about employee issues are at #331.25, #650.12 or HF5549 at the library.

 

salary.com

tiptopjob.com/gifs/negotiating-skills.jpg

careerjournal.com/myc/climbing/20000927-dunham.html, how to get promoted.

negotiatingatwork.com

 

A Raise vs. Fringe Benefits

 

If you are on the border between two tax brackets, sometimes a raise at work will put you in a higher tax bracket such that ultimately, you will earn less at the end of the year because you will be paying more out in income tax.

 

A possible feasible solution is to ask for fringe benefits in lieu of a raise.  Trade unions like to negotiate for fringe benefits because they're not taxable.

 

Some common fringe benefits are as follows:

 

Medical insurance.

 

Life insurance.

 

Company car.

 

Expense account.

 

A dollar value of company products for free or at a reduced price.

 

Daycare for children.

 

Fitness facility membership.

 

Incentive-Based Programs for Employees

 

Incentive-based programs offer employees extra money over and above their salaries if they meet certain performance objectives. 

Some types of incentive-based programs are:

 

stock options

phantom stock options (easier to create)

cash bonuses based on revenue

cash bonuses based on profit

cash bonuses based on sales volume

cash bonuses based on hitting any target the company sets like production numbers

 

Set a standard and if the employee as an individual or the employee team reaches it, they get the bonus.  The problem with this is corruption and fraud.  You need some kind of objective standard like money taken in.  If it's a production quota, the employees will lie about production or produce low-quality, inferior widgets to create enough time for themselves to reach quota at the expense of quality so you need quality control.

 

Your incentive plan has to be spelled out to a tee so the workers know exactly what they have to do to get the bonus.  For sales, it's easy.  Sell $5000 worth of product this month and you get a $300 bonus or sell ten cars this month and you get the bonus.

 

You want everybody to make more money including you.

 

Chapter 3. Salary Guide

 

Salary Info

 

Salary is made up of a variety of factors such as the following:

 

Base salary.

 

Annual bonus.

 

Schedule of raises.

 

Stock options

 

Bonus for good work.

 

Salary growth for good work.

 

Highest salary possible.

 

Fringe benefits like company car, expense account.

 

Medical insurance.

 

Life insurance.

 

College tuition subsidy.

 

Education to further your career.

 

Retirement savings plan subsidy.

 

Pension.

 

Vacation time, sick time, etc.

 

As a rule, the big companies have it all figured out.  They have the best salaries and benefits.

 

If you want quick promotions, your best bet is smaller companies.

 

If someone seems too eager to hire you, step back and analyze the situation.

 

If you have the luxury to choose, compare the salaries and benefits of the big companies.

 

Relocating is simply expected.

 

A big underrated factor is commuting to work.  That's time spent two ways every day.

 

Do some research on the company's reputation.

 

Conventional wisdom says you're a nobody at the bottom of a big corporation and a somebody at a small company but the truth is that it all depends on your performance and the particular group of people you're working with.

 

Benefits Info

 

Quality of life affects productivity.  Some companies have a barbershop and post office onsite.  Having to run fewer errands after work means you're more likely to stay at the office.

 

gym fees

Maternity leave

childcare benefits

work from home, telecommute

lectures by entrepreneurs

free onsite childcare

haircuts

Bike Repair

laundry

massages

yoga

catered lunches

401(k)s

dry cleaning

sports teams

vacation days

 

resumebear.com, see the infographic.

 

apple.com/jobs/us/benefits.html

careers.microsoft.com/careers/en/us/benefits.aspx

 

Salary Research Websites at jobstars.com/salary-research-sites

 

jobstars.com/tag/salary

 

beyond.com/salary

 

linkedin.com/salary

 

paysa.com

 

payscale.com

 

salary.com

 

salaryexpert.com

 

Job Salary Websites 1

 

If you want to learn about job salaries in different fields and areas, try the following:

 

salarybystate.org

stats.bls.gov/oes_emp.htm, survey of salaries in individual industries

jobsearchintelligence.com/nace/salary-calculator-intro, nace salary calculator

bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm, wages by area and occupation.

 

salary.monster.ca, This Canadian site includes a salary calculator for various locations across Canada

 

roberthalf.com/salaryguide, A comprehensive salary resource, this year's guide contains a complete listing of accounting and finance salaries

 

businesscycle.com, This website lists hundreds of links to salary surveys for the US and Canada. 

 

stats.bls.gov/bls/wages.htm, bureau of labor statistics, overview on wages, earnings and benefits.

glassdoor.com, salary and company information.

payscale.com

bls.gov/oco

salary.com

homefair.com/homefair/calc/salcalc.html, national association of realtors

salaryexpert.com

jobstar.org/tools/salary/sal-surv.cfm, salary surveys

highersalary.com

jobstar.org/tools/salary

payscale.com

jobstar.org/tools/salary/sal-prof.php, profession-specific salary surveys. homefair.com/find_a_place/calculators/salarycalc?cc=1, salary calculator.

salary.com

naceweb.org/salary-resources/starting-salaries.aspx, nace starting salaries survey data

naceweb.org/salary-resources/salary-calculator.aspx, nace salary calculator

stats.bls.gov/oes/current/oessrcma.htm, occupational employment and wage estimates (by geographic area)

floridajobs.org/labor-market-information/data-center/statistical-programs/occupational-employment-statistics-and-wages, florida occupational employment statistics and wages

salary.com

salaryexpert.com, salary expert.  wageweb.com 

jobsearchintelligence.com/nace/salary-calculator-intro

naceweb.org/research/salary_survey

payscale.com

salary.com

salaryexpert.com

cbsalary.com/salary-calculator.aspx

citytowninfo.com, city/town info.

glassdoor.com, glassdoor.com

highersalary.com, higher salary.

jobsearchintelligence.com/nace/salary-calculator-intro, nace salary calculator.

salary.com, salary wizard.

salaryexpert.com/?fuseaction=freesalarytools.dsp_freesalarytool

salarylist.com

simplyhired.com

salary.com/mysalary.asp

jobsearchintelligence.com/nace/salary-calculator-intro, national association of colleges and employers salary calculation

homefair.com/find_a_place/calculators/salarycalc, salary information by location

jobstar.org, salary surveys and career information

salary.com

glassdoor.com

erieri.com?fuseaction=careerplanning.salarypotential, economic research institute

graduatingengineer.com/interview/salaries.html

jobstar.org/tools/salary/sal-prof.cfm, jobstar

content.salary.monster.com,

monster.com

guidestar.org, non-profit salary reports

quintcareers.com/salary_negotiation_tutorial.html

homefair.com/homefair/calc/salcalc.html, salary calculator by homefair

salary.com/compensation/layoutscripts/cmpl_display.asp

bls.gov/bls/wages.htm, us bureau of labor statistics

careers.wsj.com/salaryhiring, wall

street journal

bls.gov/oco, occupational outlook handbook nerdwallet.com/cost-of-living-calculator, index of cost of living comparisons

glassdoor.com, salary trends

cbSalary.com

absolutecareer.com

acinet.org

bestplaces.net/col, cost of living comparison

bigshots.com

bls.gov/home

bls.gov/itc/intcomp.htm, national compensation data; wages by area and and trends in pay rates by occupation, industry and locality is important careeronestop.org/salariesbenefits/salariesbenefits.aspx

bls.gov/ncs

bls.gov/oco

bls.gov/ocshome.html

bls.gov/oes

bls.gov/oes/current/oessrcma.htm, wage estimates by metropolitan area.

businessweek.com

cahners.com, some journals in some fields jobsmart.org/tools/salary/index.htm, salary info index wageweb.com

careerbabe.com/salarysites.html

careercampus.com

careerjournal.com

careerjournal.com/salaries/index.html

careerpath.com

careers.yahoo.com/careers/salaries.html

careersalary.employer.com

careerspectrum.com

cbsalary.com

claytonwallis.com/cxgon1

compensationlink.com

compensation-online.com content.salary.monster.com/articles/beyondpaycheck/

crystalreport.com

dbm.com/jobguide/salary

dfas.mil/money/milpay, military pay.

dhrm.virginia.gov/compensation/careergroups

ecomponline.com, salaries of corporate managers. erieri.com

epi.org/publications

erieri.com bestjobsusa.com

erieri.com/doltrends

erieri.com/freedata/careerplanning

erieri.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=careerplanning.salarypotential, economic research institute salary calculator.

espan.com/salary/salary.html

experienceondemand.com

forbes.com, type in compensation/ careers.

getresponse.com/archive/dailyjobhunter/what-do-we-have-to-pay-you-168168.html

glassdoor.com

halogensoftware.com/salaryplan, salary planning software.

haypaynet.com, employee pay market intelligence for over 50 countries.

hitechsalary.com

homefair.com/calc/salcalc.htm salariesreview.com

homefair.com/calc/salcalc.html

homefair.com/homefair/calc/salcalc.html payscale.com indeed.com/salary

homefair.com/homefair/calc/salcalc.html, salary comparison calculator. salary relocation calculation and school reports bls.gov/bls/wages.htm

homefair.com/real-estate/salary-calculator.asp

ilo.org

indeed.com/viewjob

interbiznet.com/hunt/archives/

itrr.umt.edu/research/wages.pdf

jobmetaseek.com/job_search/resources/using/salary_information.php

jobnob.com

joboptions.com/careertools/salary_info

jobsearchintelligence.com/nace/salary-calculator-intro, nace salary calculator.

jobsmart.org

jobsmart.org/tools

jobsmart.org/tools/salary/index.htm

jobssalary.info ehow.com/how_11171_research-salary-ranges.html

jobstar.org cbsalary.com/salary_calculator

jobstar.org/tools/salary jobstar.org/tools/salary/index.htm

jobstar.org/tools/salary/sal-prof.php

jsc.nasa.gov/bu2/inflate.htm, inflation-salary living in different areas.

labormarketinfo.edd.ca.gov

livingwagecampaign.org, the living wage resource center

mddionline.com/article/salary-survey-where-do-you-rank, medical device and diagnostic industry magazine annual salary survey. vtlmi.info/wageincome.cfm dol.gov

monster.com

moving.com/real-estate/salary-calculator.asp.cost of living salary calculator.

ocltinfo.bls.gov

ohio.edu/careers/students/nace-salary-survey.cfm

ohio.edu/careers/students/nace-salary-survey.cfm, nace salary survey

 

Job Salary Websites 2

 

salary.com

 

indeed.com/salary

 

simplyhired.com/salaries.html

 

payscale.com

 

glassdoor.com/Salaries/index.htm

 

jobsearchintelligence.com/NACE/jobseekers/salary-calculator.php. 

 

indeed.com/salary, Indeed - Salary Search

payscale.com, PayScale

salary.com, Salary.com

salaryexpert.com

 

payscale.com

cbsalary.com sequencestaffing.com/industry-survey-results.html

pencom.com/isg.html

pencomsi.com/careerhome.html

perlinsurveys.com, salary surveys.

pohly.com/salary.html, salary surveys

quintcareers.com/salary_offer_1.html

realrates.com/survey.htm, computer industry.

/salary.html

salariesreview.com

salary.com

salary.com/salaryreport

salary.monster.com salary.sg, your salary in singapore

salaryexpert.com

salarylist.com salarysearch.blr.com

salaryscout.com greatworkperks.com

salarysource.com

salarysurveysource.com

sec.gov/edgar.shtml

stats.bls.gov

stats.bls.gov/oco/cg/cgindex

stats.bls.gov/ocohome.htm

stats.bls.gov/oes/oes_data.htm

studentsreview.com/salary.shtml

swz.salary.com, salary wizard.

top-career-wages.com

usc.edu/dept/sba/career/emplorep.htm, usc business school employment report, starting salaries and summer job salaries for usc graduating students.

uwm.edu/dept/cdc/salryneg, negotiate your vault.com

vault.com/salary

vault.com/vaultsalaries careerjournal.com/salaryhiring/industries

vii.com/rtuengel/salary

wageweb.com

wholeroot.com

workforceexplorer.com

worldsalaries.org

 

Abbott, Langer and Associates

548 First St.

Crete, Il 60417

708-672-4200

abbott-langer.com

Firm that does salary surveys for most professions.

 

Salary Websites/ Benefits Info Websites

 

dol.gov/dol/topic/wages/educational.htm, average weekly earning by educational level.

 

bls.gov/oco

salary.com

cbsalary.com, by careerbuilder.com

salarynegotiations.com

ne.ch/promeco/pages/e/eco_data_sal_e.asp economic research institute offers almost 100 international salary surveys

erieri.com

jobstar.org/tools/salary/sal-prof.cfm move.com - the international salary calculator

move.com/move/tools/salarycalcint.asp

opm.gov/oca/payrates/index.htm

/salary.html

salary.com

salaryexpert.com

aft.org/salary/index.htm, teacher salaries

vault.com/salaries.jsp

bls.gov/oco, occupational outlook handbook.

salary.com

wageweb.com

designsalaries.com, survey of design salaries.

indeed.com

content.monster.com/salarybenefits/home.aspx

ebri.org/publications/benfaq, benefit faqs.

acinet.org, career infonet; state wages and trends.

careerleak.com, job reviews, salaries

datamasters.com, data masters salaries of computer industry.

epi.org/resources/datazone_index, data zone; wage and employment trends.

bls.gov, earnings by educational level.

digitalcommons.ilr.cornell.edu,

education matters; earnings by educational attainment.

census.gov, education; the ticket to higher earnings.

collegegrad.com/jobsearch/successful-job-offer-negotiation/evaluating-your-benefits-package, evaluating your benefits package.

ebri.org, employee benefits research institute.

econlib.org/library/enc/gendergap.html, gender earnings gap.

acinet.org, highest paying occupations.

bls.gov, industry specific wage data.

jobstar.org/tools/salary/index.php, jobstar salary surveys, specific occupations.

careerinfonet.org/finaidadvisor/earnings.asp?nodeid=21, more education means more money.

salary.com

salaryexpert.com

jobsmart.org

bls.gov/oco/

bls.gov/oes/current/oessrci.htm#11, naics occupational employment and wages.

payscale.com/calculators-and-tools, payscale; salary calculators and tools.

willyancey.com/salary.htm, salary and wage surveys.

jobsearchintelligence.com/nace/salary-calculator-intro, salary calculator.

salary.monster.com, salary center; monster.com

salary.com

jobsearch.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com
/od/salarysurveys/a/salarysurveys.htm

salaryexpert.com

erieri.com/index.cfm, u.s. and canadian salary surveys.

bls.gov/oes/current/oessrcst.htm, wage data by state; bls.

access.gpo.gov/davisbacon/referencemat.html, wage determination reference manual.

dol.gov/whd/reg-library.htm, wage hour division; esa-whd.

careeronestop.org/salariesbenefits/salariesbenefits.aspx, wages and trends; occupation and state.

acinet.org, wages and trends by occupation.

bls.gov/bls/blswage.htm, wages by area and occupation; bls.

bls.gov/oes/current/oessrcst.htm, wages by state.

bls.gov/bls/wages.htm, wages, earnings and benefits; bls.

 

Benefits Websites/ Compensation Websites

 

careeronestop.org/salariesbenefits/salariesbenefits.aspx

benefitslink.com, focused on information about employee benefits from 401k through dol rulings and executive comp to retirement plan design and surveys

ilr.cornell.edu/cahrs, center for advanced human resource studies from cornell university, events, working groups, research, education

erieri.com, economic research institute (eri) - compensation surveys, cost of living data

eridlc.com

ebri.org, employee benefit research institute, research, news, surveys, and other resources related to providing employee federal government resources

 

Cost of Living Calculators

 

Get out to the library and check out a few books like the Places Rated Almanac or the book put out by Rand McNally called Retirement Places Rated which rates every section of the country in terms of housing costs, cost of living, climate, insurance costs, medical services, etc.  Narrow down an area and list specific towns.

 

Try #647 and #917 at the library.

 

careermosaic.com/cm/directory/ed3.html datamasters.com/cgi-bin/col.pl, cost-of-living comparisons for u.s. job markets, an interactive cost-of-living comparison calculator.

economist.com, measures cost of living worldwide.

erieri.com/cgi-bin/cdat.cgi, student cost of living calculator.

homefair.com, the moving calculator.

homefair.com/calc/salcalc.html, the salary calculator

homefair.com/homefair/cmr/salcac.html indeed.com

pathfinder.com/cgi-bin/money/col.cgi, money magazine's cost of living comparator search

pathfinder.com/money/depts/real_estate/bestplaces/searchintro.html

 

What Your Boss Makes

 

ecomponline.com, executive compensation directory for public companies

executivecompguide.com

aflcio.org/corporateamerica/paywatch/ceou/database.cfm, afl-cio site tracks executive compensation in relation to earnings of company employees.

ecomponline.com, free and current executive compensation database that provides data on executives at over 11,000 u.s. public companies.

forbes.com, annual article what the boss makes.

wiki.answers.com/q/how_can_you_find_executive_compensation_of_a_public_list_company

 

Chapter 4. Privacy Issues at Work

 

Privacy Issues at Work

 

The most basic privacy issue at work is both personal information and company information.  Generally, the employer has no right to pass employee records around to anyone who doesn't need them in a work-related capacity nor does he have the right to snoop around in areas not related to the job which raises the question to what extent can an employer go to pre-screen employees before hiring them.

 

By the same token, the employee has no business talking about company business to anyone not directly involved in the business.

 

The U.S. Constitution grants us certain rights like freedom of expression, limits on searches and questioning people suspected of crimes. 

 

You have constitutional protections from the invasion of privacy into your personal life in matters not relating to work but your personal rights are compromised when you enter the work arena.

 

When you take on a job, you're implicitly giving some of your freedom and privacy away to your employer but the question is how much.  Whatever they do to compromise your privacy and freedom must be relevant to the job in order to be legal.

 

The line between an employer's right to know what an employee does outside the job and the employee's privacy is a muddled area from a legal and common sense point of view. 

 

For legal purposes to protect himself, the employer should set out what he plans to do if it will possibly violate a person's privacy such as monitor telephone calls and e-mails, plans to put surveillance cameras up or demand urine testing for drugs.

 

The actions must be work-related.  They must have a reasonable intent to them.  For example, if you plan to put a surveillance camera up on the floor, you say it's to record accidents if and when they happen and to deter theft. 

 

If you plan to monitor internet usage, you say you won't tolerate employees not doing work on work time and instead fooling around on the net.

 

If you plan to do things that will compromise privacy, tell your employees before you do them in writing so they know.  Be honest with them.  Give them the reasons why you're invading their privacy.  Tell them straight up that they have no reasonable expectation of privacy on company time.

 

You should have consent forms or at least acknowledgement forms which the employees and independent contractors sign.  This way they know if there is some kind of surveillance on them.  This is called openness, telling your employees what kind of surveillance measures you're using. 

 

Tell them you won't be using the information other than for work-related matters.  You will not report what websites they surfed to their spouses or make it public knowledge.

 

If you're a big company, get one of your human resources people to become the workplace privacy expert and develop a privacy compliance program which will spell out what surveillance actions the company will use and specify what will be done with the information after it is collected. 

 

Even if you're collecting employee information such as monitoring his or her e-mail and fax usage, you are still obligated to protect the person's privacy by not letting anyone see this information except for maybe the project privacy manager (PPM) and a relevant manager or two.

 

Get your lawyers to look over your plans.  Ask them what the privacy at work laws are in your area.

 

The basic issues regarding privacy in the workplace are as follows:

 

Employee Pre-Screening before hiring.

 

Interview questions.

 

Surveillance, both visual and electronic.

 

Drug and alcohol testing.

 

Third party information, asking others about the employee.

 

Searching employee locker rooms, vehicles, pockets, clothing, kitbags, etc.

 

Off-duty life of the employee.

 

Who has access to employee records.

 

Medical information obtained by employers not related to the immediate situation.  For example, some employers have been requiring employees to give a DNA sample which is then tested to determine genetic predisposition to major diseases and if the employee is found to have a high genetic predisposition, the company quietly tries to get rid of him. 

 

Some companies have been accused of doing this without telling the employees this is what they were doing.  They were told the DNA sample was just routine, to run conventional medical tests.

 

By being personal and personable, the employer may think he cares about the employee, wants to relate and help out but my attitude is if the individual does adequate work, butt out unless they come to you with a problem or concern.  Don't be too personal.  It's work.

 

If a normally good employee seems shaky lately, back off.  Mind your own business.  Everybody goes through crises.  Give them a month or so and if they're still looking weak, ask them what's going on.

 

There are very few federal laws regarding employment privacy.  Such laws, if they exist, are at the state and local level. 

 

The general rule of thumb is that whatever an employer does that could be an invasion of employee privacy must have a legitimaste, business-related reason.

 

If workers are stealing from you, put surveillance cameras up near the door but don't put them in the bathroom. 

 

Employees file lawsuits against employers for invasions of privacy so think before you do anything that might go beyond your legitimate need to know for business reasons.

 

Don't give out information on employees to outside organizations unless it's directly related to business.

 

One of the most sensitive areas of privacy is in the area of interviewing candidates for a new job.  Keep your questions on the job not about the personal life of the individual. 

 

If you work in an area where there's lot of money, the boss can legally take measures to protect himself like check your background out and install cameras there but if you work in a slaughter house, the boss has no justifiable need for these invasions of your privacy.

 

The Labor Management Relations Act covers privacy issues.  You have to go the collective bargaining agreement between management and the unions where you work.

 

The Federal Employee Polygraph Protection Act forbids the use of polygraph/ lie detector tests for pre-employment screening. 

Employers can request that you take a polygraph if you're suspected of a crime or in the interests of security only.  Polygraph testing law in the workplace differs for every state, totally illegal in some.

 

Genetic testing is another area that's protected by many state laws.  A potential employer is not allowed to subject you to genetic testing in the course of a medical examination which may reveal certain dispositions such as sickle cell anemia or cancer susceptibility.

 

Employers are allowed to use video surveillance in the workplace.  Some unions demand to be informed of hidden camera surveillance.

 

The Federal Omnibus Crime Control and Safe Streets Act regulates wiretapping and eavesdropping making it illegal in all situations except if the employee is told in advance that he may be monitored in some situation such as on the phone, e-mail, etc. 

 

If the communication is personal, the eavesdropper is supposed to cease listening and only attend to business-oriented correspondence.

 

Searches are only allowed if there's a good reason such as recent thefts.

 

If you work in certain states or for the federal government under union contract, you have the right to see your personnel files.  In some states and companies, you don't have that right unless you're involved in a lawsuit with your employer.

 

Get spyware for your computers like spectorsoft.com.  Tell them you can monitor everything they do on the computer.

 

Tell them their phone calls are being monitored.  You have the legal right to do this to your phones on company time.

 

Try #331.011 or JC596.2 at the library.

 

csa.ca, canadian standards assn.

eff.org, electronic frontier foundation.

oecd.org, guidelines on the protection of privacy and transborder flows of personal data.

privcom.gc.ca, privacy commissioner of canada.

tbs-sct.gc.ca/index_e, treasury board of canada's privacy impact assessment policy.

 

Privacy Resources in General

 

Books about privacy are at #323.4 or JC596 and KF1262 at the library.

 

cioinsight.com

cnbcbigbrother.com

computer.howstuffworks.com/workplace-surveillance.htm

consumer.gov/idtheft

cpsr.org/cpsr/privacy/

databasenation.com

digitalpersona.com, products.

eff.org, the electronic frontier foundation epic.org/privacy, the electronic privacy information center epistolary.org/rob/bonuscard, supermarket cards.

epic.org/privacy/publicrecords/

escapeartist.com

escapeartist.com/efam/45/disappearing

fas.org/irp/program/collect/stargate, satellite surveilance.

freedomhq.com

ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/buspubs/credempl

ftc.gov/os/statutes/2summary

ftc.gov/privacy

fuld.com/i3/index.html, internet intelligence index, links to how to spy electronically on companies, etc.

howtheychangeyourmind.com

howtobeinvisible.com

jeffwolfe.com

libraryprivacy.org, the fbi has rights to look at library records.

lompanics.com

nocards.org, supermarket loyalty cards.

nocards.privacyinternational.org, info on loyalty cards, etc.

paladinpress.com

privacy.net

privacy.ninemsn.com.au

privacy.org

privacyalert.us

privacyfoundation.org

privacyinternational.org

privacyrights.org

privlaw.com, canada.

protest.net

publiccitizen.org

quietbuy.com, a service where you can buy something controversial and these middlemen will do the deal so there is no paper trail.  Most common for buying porn, weapons, left-wing books, etc.

reconex.com, phonecards, phone service without a detailed credit check.

refuseandresist.org

securityedition.com

simson.net

smartmobs.com

spychips.com

turbulence.org

uscourts.gov/wiretap98

verizon.com, click on products and services then on calling features then on identify your callers for a security feature beyond caller id.

we-swipe.us

whitedot.org/spyinteractive/faqs, spy tv.

zks.net, zero knowledge systems.

 

American Civil Liberties Union

132 West 43rd Street

NYC 10036-6599

aclu.org

 

Privacy Rights Clearinghouse

3100 5th Avenue

#B

San Diego, Ca 92103

(619) 298-3396

Fax: (619) 298-5681

prc@privacyrights.org

privacyrights.org

 

Privacy Law Websites/ Work Privacy Websites

 

worldprivacyforum.org/workplace.html, world privacy forum: workplace privacy project

scottandscottllp.com, privacy policy lawyer.

hg.org/privacy.html

privacytimes.com

epic.org/privacy/consumer/states.html, privacy laws.

law.com, state privacy laws

 

Chapter 5. Harassment/ Discrimination

 

Job Harassment Info

 

In general terms, harassment in the workplace is any action, object or comment that at least one person finds offensive or harmful or that a group of people in the community would view as in bad taste, unwelcome or offensive.

 

Harassment causes the victim (harassed person) to feel bullied, humiliated, embarassed, discriminated against, intimidated or threatened.

 

There are civil liberties laws in place to protect individuals from harassment on the grounds of race, nationality, ethnic origin, colour, religion, age, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, family status, disability and former criminal convictions.

 

Depending on the specifics of the situation, harassment could be a criminal offense, civil offense or both.  In the workplace, it's mostly a civil offense, punishable with fines and punitive damages in a civil lawsuit.

 

To me, harassment is not the grey area pundits purport it to be.  In any situation, people are either positive, negative or neutral and there is no great chasm of ambiguity between these actions or vibes if you will. 

We have all spent all our lives judging people's attitudes to us.  It's always an inner dialogue of "Is this person a friend or foe" so we're all experts at judging people's motives towards us whether we realize it or not and in my opinion, our intuitive faculties are rarely wrong. 

 

We simply know when someone is trying to embarrass or belittle us for some ego problem they have.  It's black and white, crystal clear. 

You can sense a true friend, a disinterested workmate who doesn't care about you much either way and someone who is going out of their way to do rude things to you.

 

Anything negative that takes on a personal tone geared to make you feel bad is harassment such as:

 

rude behavior

 

degrading or offensive comments

 

threats, intimidation, talk of revenge

 

criticism of the person not the work

teasing about inappropriate things such as a disability

 

put-downs and insults

 

displaying sexist, racist or other offensive pictures, cartoons or slogans both physically and electronically

 

repeatedly singling out one person to do the dirty work that is not normally part of his job description

 

purposely excluding an employee from the group dynamic

 

libel/ slander, telling damaging lies about someone

 

unwanted flirting, sexual suggestions

 

unwanted sexual advances or even light touching such as pinching, a slap on the butt, etc.

 

The way to deal with harassment is the same as the proper, official way to deal with conflicts.  Don't take sides.  Try to be objective.  Separate the two. 

 

Act sympathetic towards each so they will each spill their guts out to you and from that, make your decision as to what is the objective truth of the matter. 

 

If you determine one guy is the instigator, as I say in my article on conflict resolution, why bother with people like this.  They have negative personalities.  Get rid of them.  Have a zero tolerance policy. 

 

Just like they encourage people to report bullying behavior at grade school, so too, do it here.  Tell them it's not squealing, it's doing the right thing.  Read the next few paragraphs from my bullying article.

 

"Bullying is often done by people who feel less than good and whole about themselves therefore they're frustrated about their lives so in order to bring themselves up a notch, they'll often pick on weaker people and this makes them feel better in the moment while making someone else feel bad which they're either insensitive to or relish in, to see others suffer. 

 

Bullies are not like passive aggressive people who disguise their anger.  Bullies are out in the open, in your face with pushy, demeaning and abrasive behavior.  Bullies take a toll on everybody around them. 

 

Bullying/ violence is often done as an unconscious process, they don't  exactly know why they're doing it.  Many bullies don't think, on the surface, that they're insecure people with inferiority complexes. 

 

They've displaced who they are objectively with a new persona kind of like a weak kid who takes on a superhero persona, it's a coping mechanism, only in this case, they take on the role of the big, bad bully.  It gives them some control in their lives.

 

For some, the reasons may not be this profound.  There are a lot of miserable, angry, evil people out there who enjoy seeing others suffer and enjoy inflicting the pain to make them suffer.  It makes them feel powerful and good. 

 

Some bullies are hopelessly incorrigible people who will never be cured.  It could have its roots in reactive attachment disorder, that between just after they were born to about the age of two years old, they didn't get the normal love a baby should get so they were irreparably damaged to not feel for other people and even get pleasure out of hurting others, especially if they were abused as kids."

 

When dealing with harassment situations in the workplace, try to be clear, talk to the players and listen to them in an attempt to get to the bottom of the situation.

 

Encourage tolerance, in the workplace, that people act towards others in a respectful and professional manner.

 

Have a workplace policy in place that orders people to report harassment/ bullying.

 

Educate everyone about harassment as a serious offence.  Define harassment for them.

 

Try to identify negative people and stop them before they escalate their negativity.

 

When someone complains about harassment, deal with it immediately.

 

If you feel you are being harassed, say in a formal, businesslike way, "Your behaviour is not acceptable, stop immediately or bear the consequences of a harassment charge." 

 

If he says nothing but gives you a sarcastic look, walk away.  This may be enough for him to know that you're no pushover.  If he does it again, report him immediately. 

 

In any event, from then on, ignore him.  If you must deal with him, make it prompt, terse, businesslike with very short two word answers.

 

Keep a journal of all harassment incidents.  Document the place, time and who else was present.

 

In proving harassment in a court of law, it's not just about the negative character of the incidents, it's about the frequency and establishing a pattern of harassment over time. 

 

If the harassment is very blatant and often, don't be above installing a hidden camera.  It's not that hard as long as you hide the red flickering light on your camcorder with a piece of tape. 

 

Simply let the camcorder run all day in its secret location plugged in as opposed to battery power which will run out.  Six hour tapes are common.

 

aauw.org, 800-326-aauw, american assn. of university women educational foundation, info about sexual harassment, etc.

 

aclu.org, american civil liberties union.

bullying.org

feminist.org/911/harass

hhs.gov, health and human services.

lfcc.on.ca/bully.htm

ncpc.org/eduleo5.htm, national crime prevention council.

tbs-sct.gc.ca/pubs_pol/hrpubs, human resources

tbs-sct.gc.ca/pubs_pol/hrpubs/hw-hmt/hara_e, harassment.

tolerance.org

worldculture.com

eeoc.gov/types/religion.html, religious discrimination.

 

Sex Discrimination Info

 

Sex discrimination used to be something like the old boy's club not giving high-level jobs to women or the local fire department not hiring women. 

 

Nowadays you got some men against affirmative action saying they're more qualified but a woman gets the job.

 

Gay people are crying sex discrimination too.

 

Books about sex discrimination are at #342.7108 or KE4399 and KF4488 to KF4758 at the library.

 

equalrights.org/publications/kyr/sexdiscrim.asp

enotes.com/everyday-law-encyclopedia/sexual-discrimination-and-orientation

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sex_discrimination_act_1975, britain.

hrlawindex.com

employmentlawgroup.net/cm/discriminationlaws/discriminationlaws4.asp, washington dc civil rights attorney.

equalrights.org/professional/sexdiscrim/info.asp

getcited.org/pub/102451148, sex discrimination in employment; women; equal pay for equal work.

carmitch.com/discrimination.html, georgia employment and labor law firm.

theglassceiling.com

opm.gov/er/address2/guide01.htm

findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3693/is_200211/ai_n9126097

equalityvirginia.org ed.gov/policy/rights/guid/ocr/sex.html healthresources.caremark.com/topic/sexdiscrim

hrlawindex.com

mc3.edu/sa/lib/guides/equalrig.pdf#search='sexresourcesunitedstates'

ncfm.org, national coalition to free men, anti-sex discrimination.

 

Working Women's Institute

593 Park Ave.

NYC 10021

212-838-4420

They conduct workshops dealing with sexual harassment and its prevention and they offer support to victims of sexual harassment and discrimination.

 

 

Sexual Harassment in General

 

The atmosphere around the world and in the Western nations until recently has been if you walk the streets dressed provocatively, expect groups of men to whistle and say you’re hot.  This is still common in some countries but considered politically incorrect in Canada, the U.S. and Britain.

 

Sexual harassment is inappropriate sexual behavior when interacting with anyone.

 

Socially acceptable behavior I to treat everyone as asexual.  Don’t even flirt because it might be interpreted as aggressive behavior or stalking.

 

Don’t talk about co-workers in a sexual way anywhere where others can hear it.

 

Excessively polite behavior like kissing hands and complimenting personal appearance may be annoying and inappropriate.

 

Sexual harassment law has its roots in the US Civil Rights Act of 1964.  In the 1970s, some women started complaining that harassment in the workplace against them was discriminatory.

 

In 1980, the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) issued guidelines about sexual harassment saying that conduct of

a sexual nature be it verbal or physical is a violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 when it interferes with a woman’s ability

to do her job in a safe, comfortable environment. 

 

Conduct of a sexual nature is offensive when it affects employment decisions (hiring, raises, firing), interferes with the ability of a woman to do her work or creates a hostile, intimidating work environment. 

 

Try to like your boss or get along with him but if he crosses that invisible line of disrespect because you’re a woman or because he doesn’t like you, you have a right to air your grievances to his superiors, your union support agencies, the EEOC or an employment lawyer. 

 

If your boss doesn’t treat you with proper respect with the same opportunity for upward mobility as everybody else, he’s not playing

fair. 

 

Get help to remedy the situation.  By the same token, if he’s too friendly, try to keep a professional distance because he may be in

violation of company policy and you don’t want to be dragged down with his improprieties.  If you play his game, flirt with him and fall for his charms, you’re asking for it. 

 

Sexual harassment is a one-way street, unwanted sexual attention directed at you with no prodding on your part.  If you play along, it’s not sexual harassment anymore, it’s having fun and if you enjoy the attention, a few witnesses in court will destroy your case should you ever file suit.

 

The EEOC definition is that sexual harassment is any unwelcome sexual conduct that occurs in the workplace or school.  There are two types:

 

Harassment that creates an unpleasant environment such as sexist jokes, talk about sex, inappropriate touching, leering, pornographic materials in public view or anything else that can be proved to create a hostile work environment.

 

Quid pro quo harassment which is the practice of offering employment or advancement in exchange for sex or sexual favors.

 

Some psychobabblist says that the reason there’s sexual harassment in the workplace is that men misinterpret a woman’s friendliness for sexual interest, think they can score some sex with her (even if she’s married) so they set about acting seductive all the while the girl is not thinking sex at all. 

 

She just thought she was being friendly while the guy thought she was coming on to him.  Beware of these different ways men and women perceive the same event.  Women think they’re just being friendly, men think they’re coming on to them.

 

Even if the woman is possibly interested in the guy, she’s checking him out as an emotional partner not for a quick roll in the photocopy room so the best bet for men is to back off. 

 

Don’t read things into your co-workers’ behavior.  Play it straight with them.  Wait until she makes a move that leaves no doubt in your mind.

 

Ask a co-worker out once.  If she says no, don’t ever ask her again.  One time is fine but any more is considered sexual harassment.

 

Studies have shown that women are hypocrites when it comes to sexual harassment.  When attractive, high status guys come on to them repeatedly at work, they like it but if the low status, fat, chubby guy asks her out a few times and tells her how beautiful she is, that’s harassment in her eyes.

 

Sexual harassment refers to everyone's right to work in an atmosphere that's not hostile to them based on gender.  Sexual harassment, legally defined, breaks down into two categories:

 

Quid Pro Quo, literary translated from Latin means "something given or received for something else."  This is basically when the boss wants sexual favors for either giving you the job, promotion, etc. and/ or for not firing or demoting you.

 

Hostile Environment is when the guys talk dirty to you, hang sexual pictures up on the bulletin board, talk sex talk amongst each other in your presence, etc.

 

In 1980, the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) issued guidelines about sexual harassment saying that conduct of a sexual nature be it verbal or physical is a violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 when it interferes with a woman's ability to do her job in a safe, comfortable environment.

 

Conduct of a sexual nature is offensive when it affects employment decisions (hiring, raises, firing), interferes with the ability of a woman to do her work or creates a hostile, intimidating work environment.

 

Supervisors can help prevent sexual harassment by setting a good example and keeping a productive work area.  If a report of harassment occurs in your work area, assist in the investigation and resolution ofthe complaint.

 

If you’re a victim of SH, report the incident to your immediate supervisor.  If your immediate supervisor is the perpetrator, discuss the incident with his boss or with someone in the human resources department.

 

Try to like your boss or get along with him but if he crosses that invisible line of disrespect because you're a woman or because he doesn't like you, you have a right to air your grievances to his superiors, your union support agencies, the EEOC or an employment lawyer. 

 

If your boss doesn't treat you with proper respect with the same opportunity for upward mobility as everybody else, he's not playing fair.

 

Get help to remedy the situation. By the same token, if he's too friendly, try to keep a professional distance because he may be in violation of company policy and you don't want to be dragged down with his improprieties.  If you play his game, flirt with him and fall for his charms, you're asking for it.

 

Sexual harassment is a one-way street.  If you play along, it's not sexual harassment anymore, it's having fun and if you enjoy the attention, a few witnesses in court will destroy your case should you ever file suit.

 

Sexual harassment can be a tough, subjective call because one person may just be politely flirting while another sees it as intimidation, especially if comes from the boss. 

 

Men and women both can be victims of sexual harassment and it can occur from a same sex person.  If you feel that you have been the victim of sexual harassment, you could call the EEOC for an evaluation.

 

The basic standard is to be civil to co-workers in a polite, non-sexist, professional manner.  Never touch anyone except for a professional handshake.  Don't pat anybody on the butt even if playfully.  

 

Don't look or leer at bodyparts.  Look people straight in the eye, nowhere else.  Don't ever say anything sexual, even a sexual joke.  Better to keep your mouth shut than bother with it.

 

Keep conversation to business, the weather and their small talk, what they want to talk about.  Never initiate personal discussions.  Sexual harassment comes down to comfort level which means it's subjective which means almost anything can be sexual harassment so don't encourage anything sexual or sexist.

 

Don't ask anybody out unless you can live with the rejection and handle it in a business kind of way without retaliating by being a sexist jerk.  Never compliment a female for anything about her appearance.

 

If a female looks uncomfortable, ask her if you're stepping over the line.  In the end, take sexual harassment very seriously because there are too many lawyers out there ready to sue for the flimsiest reason.

 

Their standards are that if an incident is particularly serious and traumatic such as an outright proposal or physical touching, it could be enough for a lawsuit, however, beyond that, they must assess the general atmosphere of the workplace and determine whether you, the alleged victim, are a sometime contributor to a freewheeling, casual atmosphere in the office. 

 

Since sexual harassment is hard to prove, you should tread lightly until you get witnesses and/ or hidden audio and video evidence.

 

Just like there's sexual harassment by men on women so too is there sexual harassment by women on men.  Don't use your position to try to get younger males to go out with you or sleep with you.  Cases like this have been prosecuted.  It works both ways. 

 

Keep business and personal life separate especially now that you're in a position of authority unless you're absolutely sure it's true unconditional love.

 

Sexual harassment is generally a civil matter.  The way it becomes criminal is through the general criminal charge of harassment.  Some places have passed anti-stalking legislation which constitutes harassment.

 

Harassment is generally defined as fear.  If you bother somebody more than twice asking them out on a date or something like that and they say no, the third time is generally grounds for arrest because the girl can say she's afraid of you.

 

Sexual Harassment at diversity.social/sexual-harassment

 

When Sexual Harassment happens:

 

Report the conduct to your supervisor or human resources.

 

Call a Sexual Haressment Lawyer.

 

Ask boss to have sexual harassment or unconscious bias training.

 

Enlist other employees to talk to management about training.

 

Look for a new job.

 

In the United States, sexual harassment is defined as discrimination based on sex/ gender (including pregnancy, childbirth or related medical conditions), gender identity, gender expression or sexual orientation.

 

It falls into two categories:

 

Quid pro quo: someone makes you a job or promotion offer contigent upon the casting couch.

 

Hostile Work Environment: general offensive work environment.

 

Good and/ or big companies have a clear complaint process that bypasses the worker’s boss.

There is no whistleblower reprisal against the complainant.

 

Report the conduct to your supervisor or human resources.

 

Put your complaint in writing. Keep a copy.

 

Write down every improper conduct event. Get witnesses.

 

There should be an investigation with conclusions.

 

For employers, mandate that harassment is unacceptable. Punish the perpetrators.

Address cases without retaliation.

 

Flirting and Sexual Harassment

 

Flirting is fine if you find someone who likes to play along but it may be just for the sake of socializing as some people like to talk to other people even if they don't know them much just for the sake of talking and it also could be an ego thing. 

 

If somebody gives you or anybody else an ego stroke, it's amazing how many people are suckers for a compliment.  Give the right person a few compliments and they will immediately like you and want to talk in order to get more compliments to boost them up a bit.

 

Flirting could be nothing.  Some people do it by nature to keep them from getting nervous or taking control of a situation.  Good sales people and real estate agents are natural flirts.  It's part of the business to butter a client up.

 

The golden rule is don't read anything into flirting unless you're really, really sure they like you and it's not just a part of their job.  Every waiter/ waitress and every stripper who work at a place where lots of tips are given are master flirters.  They flirt with everyone because they want big tips, not necessarily because they think you're special although if they're good, they can make you think that they think you're special. 

 

Watch any good stripper.  She's befriending ten guys a night, trying to make them all think that she has a special relationship with them.

 

If taken too far, flirting can get you in trouble.  At work, you can be charged with a sexual-harassment complaint.  On the street, you could be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior or even sexual assault.

 

Everybody intuitively knows the basic ground rules of polite society.  Follow them.  You can talk to anyone you want about anything.  Just don't don't talk about sex or crude things.  Keep it nice and g-rated.  If the person likes you, they will let you know simply by continuing to talk to you.  If they respond to every statement you make, that's conversation. 

 

They probably want to talk to you.  If you can keep a conversation going with a total stranger for 2-3 minutes for no reason other than to socialize, that should be enough rapport to ask for a date without getting hit over the head. 

 

After all, they are complicit in the act by choosing to talk to you but remember that some people just talk for the sake of talking.  I'm like this sometimes.  I talk to total strangers sometimes who want to talk.  It fulfills some need we have to connect to others here and there just for the simple reason of sharing our loner realities in our heads for awhile.

 

If in doubt, don't flirt.

 

The better looking you are, the more likely that people will like to flirt with you.  There was the case of one woman who filed a sexual harassment suit against a guy.  During the trial, it came out that she routinely flirted with the good looking guys on staff and made sexually explicit comments on par with them. 

 

The guy she filed the suit on was a middle-aged, chubby, ugly guy.  She lost the case because her sexual harassment charge was selective.  She picked one guy that she targeted when the truth was that she engaged in the same conduct with several other guys.

 

forbes.com/careers/2006/02/08/flirting-romance-careers-cx_sr_0209bizbasics.html

msnbc.msn.com/id/11258390, not crossing the harassment line.

overlawyered.com/topics/harass.html

overlawyered.com/fear_of_flirting/

wgby.org/edu/flirt/fhmain.html, sexual harassment in schools.

 

Sexual Harassment Websites

 

Books about sexual harassment are at #305.42, #331.409 or HD6099 and HQ1237.5 at the library.

 

citizenactionny.org, Women's Rights at Work, Serves women who have experienced sexual harassment at work in the New York area.

 

eeoc.gov/facts/fs-sex.html, Facts About Sexual Harassment, Learn more about the form of sex discrimination that violates title VII of the Civil Rights act of 1964.

 

janedoe.org, Jane Doe Inc.

 

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/street_harassment

sexualharassmenttraining.biz, online sexual harassment classes

harassmap.org

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sexual_harassment

aauw.org, 800-326-aauw, american assn. of university women educational foundation.  info about sexual harassment, etc.

adr.org/rules/employment/sexual_harassment_claim_resolution

law-gender-sexuality.ac.ug/?jc=inhouse_publications, full text publications.

law.mak.ac.ug/sexharpol.doc, sexual harrassment policy and guidelines.

sexualharassmentclass.com

all-biz.com/articles/dating

amacombooks.com, book what every manager needs to know about sexual harassment.

amcity.com/albany/stories/1999/08/16/focus4

apa.org/monitor/oct99/cf9, sexual harassment in school.

cfif.org/htdocs/freedomline/current/guest_commentary/sexual_harassment_law.html

cs.utk.edu/~bartley/other/9to5.html

ed.gov/offices/ocr/ocrshpam, sexual harassment in school.

ed.gov/pubs/harassment, 800-usa-learn

ed.gov/pubs/harassment/climate1.html, 800-usa-learn

eeoc.gov, u.s.equal employment opportunity commission.

elronsoftware.com

employment‑law.freeadvice.com/sexual_harassment

employment‑law.freeadvice.com/sexual_harassment

employment‑law.freeadvice.com/sexual_harassment/dress_harassment.htm

eoc.org.uk, equal opportunities commission.

feminist.org/911/harass

gutierrez-preciado.com/memos/romance

hrlawindex.com

igc.apc.org/women/activist/harass.html, activist paper on harassment.

inform.umd.edu/edres/topic/womensstudies/genderissues/sexualharassment

jobfunctions.bnet.com/whitepaper.aspx?scname=harassment&docid=48441

law.ucla.edu/volokh/harass, legal expert documents how harassment law (sexual harassment and beyond) violates the first amendment.

law.wayne.edu/faculty/fac_web/browne/documents/articles/sex power&dominance_browne.pdf, psychology of sexual harassment.

library.uncg.edu/depts/docs/us/harass.html

library.uncg.edu/depts/docs/us/harass.html

now.org/issues/harass/030206aauwreport.html

resources.org

sexualharass.com

sexual-harassment-training.ffind.eu.com

shrm.org/hrmagazine/search.html, type in sexual harassment.

tolerance.org

toolkit.cch.com

umich.edu/~eqtynet

usdoj.gov/crt/emp/documents/belencd.htm, belen consent decree.

watchtower.org/library/g/1996/5/22/sexual_harassment_global.htm

wgby.org/edu/flirt/fhmain.html, sexual harassment in schools.

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

800-669-4000

800-800-3302 Tty

eeoc.gov

 

Eeoc Information Line

800-669-3362

eeoc.gov

 

Alliance Against Sexual Coercion

Pob 1

Cambridge, Ma 02139

Publish Fighting Sexual Harassment: An Advocacy Handbook. Sexual harassment/ rape crisis clearing house.

 

National Assn. of Working Women

1430 W. Peachtree St.

#610

Atlanta, Ga 30309

404-876-1604

Fax: 404-876-1649

800-522-0925

hotline9to5@igc.org

9to5.org

Generally an advocacy group for women but helps men too in such work areas as sexual harassment, maternity leave or any job problems in general.  Annual membership fee entitles you to their database of information.

 

Working Women's Institute

593 Park Ave.

NYC 10021

212-838-4420

They conduct workshops dealing with sexual harassment and its prevention and they offer support to victims of sexual harassment and discrimination.

 

Canadian Sexual Harassment Info

 

Books about sexual harassment are at #305.42, #331.409 or HD6099 and HQ1237.5 at the library.

 

In Canada, refer to the provincial or federal human rights commission.

 

chrf.ca, human rights.

chrc-ccdp.gc.ca, human rights.

chrc.ca, human rights.

chrc-tcdp.gc.ca, human rights tribunal.

hri.ca

owjn.org/issues/s-harass/guide.htm, sexual harassment, toronto.

sexualharassmentuniversity.siteblast.com, guide to sexual harassment in academia;

information on dealing with sexual harassment in canada with particular focus in a university setting.

 

Sexual Harassment in Schools

 

ed.gov/offices/OCR/archives/Harassment/index.html

 

ed.gov, u.s. department of education, office of civil rights (ocr), how to file a discrimination or harassment complaint

 

ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/sexhar01.html, sexual harassment guidance: harassment of students by school employees, other students or third parties

 

ed.gov, report on sexual harassment/ abuse of students by educators.

 

aahperd.org, national association for sport and physical education: sexual harassment in athletic settings

aauw.org, look for articles.

aauw.org/learn/research/upload/completeguide.pdf, harassment-free hallways: how to stop harassment in the schools

aauw.org/learn/research/upload/hostilehallways.pdf

nwlc.org, national women’s law center, do the right thing: understanding, addressing, and preventing sexual harassment in school

sde.ct.gov/sde/lib/sde/pdf/equity/title_ix/studentsfromsexualharassment.pdf, how to protect students from sexual harassment: a primer for schools

sesamenet.org, sesame (stop educator sexual abuse, misconduct, and exploitation)

thompson.com/public/offerpage.jsp?prod= SINK, educator's guide to controlling sexual harassment

tolerance.org/activity/sexual –misconduct-effective-policies-and-practices, sexual misconduct: effective policies and practices

 

Sexual Harassment Websites at blog.feedspot.com/sexual_harassment_blogs

 

bostoninjurylawyerblog.com/category/sexual-assault

calcasa.org/blog

gippscasa.blog

newyorkemploymentattorney-blog.com/category/sexual-harassment

stopstreetharassment.org/blog

vsac.ca/blog

workplacesexualharassmentlaw.com/category/sexual-harassment

delawareemploymentlawblog.com/category/harassment/harassment-sexual

 

Sexual Harassment Newsfeeds at blog.feedspot.com/sexual_harassment_rss_feeds

 

bostoninjurylawyerblog.com/category/sexual-assault/feed

bostoninjurylawyerblog.com/category/sexual-assault

calcasa.org/blog

calcasa.org/blog/feed

delawareemploymentlawblog.com/category/harassment/harassment-sexual

delawareemploymentlawblog.com/category/harassment/harassment-sexual/feed

gippscasa.blog

gippscasa.blog/feed

newyorkemploymentattorney-blog.com/category/sexual-harassment

newyorkemploymentattorney-blog.com/category/sexual-harassment/feed

stopstreetharassment.org/blog/feed

stopstreetharassment.org/blog

vsac.ca/blog/feed

vsac.ca/blog

workplacesexualharassmentlaw.com/category/sexual-harassment

workplacesexualharassmentlaw.com/category/sexual-harassment/feed

 

 

Chapter 6. Conflicts in Love, Life and Business

 

Minimize Conflict

 

Avoid foolish and senseless controversies, knowing that they breed quarrels.  And the servant of the Lord must not be quarrelsome, but must be gentle to all men, an apt teacher, patient, gently instructing his opponents.

2 Timothy 2:23-25

 

Do unto others as you would want them to do to you.

 

The Golden Rule

 

When a conflict arises, make the real problem you even if it isn't.  Ask yourself if you're being a jerk.  The best thing to usually do is to shut up.  Be over it.  It catches the other guy off-guard.  He doesn't know what to do.  He wants to fight but you deprive him of it.

 

I'm not a fan or non-fan of the Dalai Lama of Buddhist fame but I was watching him being interviewed and he amitted that he is not always calm.  He said when he gets angry, he leaves the situation in his mind.  He tries to shut off the anger by clicking it off in his mind. 

 

Time away even in your mind works.  Hold your tongue for that one minute to avoid saying something unforgiveable.  Don't send an email angry.  You can write it then look at it an hour later and you'll probably delete it.

 

There was a news story on TV about a bunch of people quitting work by posting some hateful, negative rant on the internet.  I'll bet they all regret what they did.  Never burn bridges.  Keep your mouth shut.  Quit gracefully or quit silently.  Just don't say anything.

 

When I was young and insecure which I define as trying to find my way in the world, I argued with anyone who started a fight with me.  Nowadays I don't.  I have my true identity, I don't have to prove anything to anybody, I don't care what other people think of me so I don't argue because I know the outcome will always be that he thinks he's right, I think I'm right and we both think the other is an asshole.  Why bother?

 

If the boss tells you to do something and you think you have a better way, say it once then after he rejects it, don't mention it again.

 

If someone is a jerk, you don't have to argue.  Just say you're a jerk because of this, this and this then shut up and don't say it again.  If he keeps hollering while you say it, write it in a letter, put it in an envelope then don't give it to him personally.  He might tear it up.  Just put it on his desk or in the mailbox so somebody else gives it him.

 

When you're peaceful and remain so when confronted, you deprive people of the fight.  They wanted to fight.  They hate that but you win by not fighting back.  If they go physical on you, that's different.  You have to fight back but words and hollering are nothing that can hurt you.

 

If you're the boss, you always win.  If a subordinate argues with you, that's insubordination, one strike.  Three strikes and they're fired.

 

If you're the subordinate, state your idea once.  When the boss rejects it, it's over.

 

If you are living a good life, you feel relaxed, you have nothing to prove to anyone nor do you feel a need to fight or upstage anyone should a situation develop.  To this end, before you ever get into hostile situations, do some of the following things in order to feel good about your life and be calm when things happen:

 

Know yourself.  Discover what your true identity is away from cultural conditioning.

 

Try to live a relaxed lifestyle.  Identify stress in your life and minimize it.

 

Analyze all the negative thoughts and feelings you have.  Try to understand them then get rid of them.

 

Be a positive, upbeat person.

 

Don't live under any delusions.  Be real.

 

Be on good terms with the people around you.  Try to culture allies and friends.

 

Try to love life and a few people around you.

 

Try to live a healthy lifestyle.

 

Be inspired about something in life.

 

Whenever you're in a hostile conflict, try the following steps:

 

The key is to give a little bit and compromise.

 

Try not to start off with a negative attitude.  Don't go in half-cocked looking for a fight or to unload on someone.

 

You can't beat around the bush.  People can't read minds.  You have to approach the other person and state directly that we have an issue we should try to resolve together.  Try to be cooperative.

 

Identify/ define exactly what the problem is without criticizing a person.

 

Try to resolve it being curious and friendly rather than oppositional.  Just say we've got an issue we should try to solve.

 

Don't bring the police or a lawyer into it unless personal, face-to-face measures fail.

 

Slow down for a second.

 

Keep your mouth shut while you analyze the situation.

 

Identity exactly what emotions you're feeling.  What is angering you?

Try to listen to the other side and empathize.  Put yourself in their position.

 

When you speak, try to be non-confrontational.  Make it such that you're just trying to solve the problem.

 

Try to cooperate, to make it a win-win situation. 

Be assertive if you feel you must.

 

Back off if the whole thing is not really a big deal to you.

 

Try to build bridges rather than destroy them.

 

Books about conflict management are at #303.69, #658.4 or HD42 and HM1126 at the library.

 

Conflict Info

 

Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them.

Proverbs 20:3

 

Don't make friends with people who have hot, violent tempers

Proverbs 22:24

 

Most conflicts in relationships never get solved.  In failing relationships, they merely add fuel to the fire.  In successful marriages, they are, for lack of a better term, managed.  Each side knows what to do to deal with them, usually to ignore the small things (the warts) and love their partner despite them.

 

Don't try to fix the unfixable.  Don't try to change your partner.  Don't try to solve every conflict.  Accept some as is and learn to live with them like him with his smelly feet and her with her perpetual tardiness.  If you really love him or her, you would accept it and move on rather than pouting on in a state of angry  stalemate.

 

My preference in love is a quiet, nice girl someone like me, a quiet guy who doesn't like to argue about anything simply because I don't give a damn about too much anyway except to live a full life everyday and all trivial things are meaningless to me so firstly, I'd pick the right girl upgfront, a quiet, spiritual one who wouldn't want to argue with me just like I wouldn't want to argue with her and secondly, I rarely argue with anyone because my philosophy is that life is too short, live in a flow, don't let negative vibes from anywhere get in no matter what.

 

If you have a beef, don't go charging in half-cocked.  Bring it up smoothly, gently, gracefully, tactfully.  Wait awhile.  Let it fume inside to see how trivial it really is in the grand scheme of things. 

 

From the opposite point of view, if your spouse comes onto you with a conflict like you don't pay attention to her, your immediate response is often defensive saying  "Yes I am, I'm always here" even if you're emotionally not.  Instead of the usual defensive stance, stop and say "OK baby, maybe I'm not always here but I'm busy, I got problems, I gotta earn a living" and from there talk about it.  

 

The simplest rule about life is you get back the vibes you put out: positive begets positive; negative begets negative.  When you put out a positive vibe in response to a conflict, you get a positive response back.

 

De-escalate serious things with humor.  Stay calm.  In the middle of an argument, slow down, take a break, leave, get a drink, wash your face, walk around the block, anything to diffuse the tension. 

 

Learn to compromise and accept your partner with their warts or leave.  If you have to fight, do it fairly in a rational manner.  Be less critical and more considerate.  Think about what you're gonna say before you say it.

 

The way to diffuse conflicts is to all of a sudden get gentle instead of angry and either forget about it or talk it through quietly with calm and logic. 

 

Never criticize, blame, complain, control or get defensive.  Use compliments instead and you will marvel at how much a little bit of love brings back to you.  Saying hurtful things are usually a subconscious way to get back at your lover for past injury. 

 

The way to stop anyone cold is to detach from your ego, act like you don't give a damn about holding your own, getting the better of this person or letting them get the better of you.  Simply smile to yourself, realize it's meaningless in the grand scheme of life and stop the fight right there. 

 

They will see that you're ignoring them and get the message quick enough that you're not really interested in the fight and you're going on with your happy life.

 

Hold your tongue, be patient, let them ventilate, then, because you're so calm, they will see what idiots they're being.  Virtually all fights come from the same thing, you're not loving me enough lately.  The cardinal rule of all fights is not to go past the point of no return. 

 

If you don't, the love can always be restored.  If you say the meanest, unforgivable thing you can, you will break something inside that will be lost forever so hold your tongue, show restraint.

 

The bottom line is that you don't have to fight, just live for peace like Jesus did.  Ain't nothing nothing but a stupid, little thing in the grand scheme of things.  Can you be that free to just keep going with a smile on your face and let everything roll off your back? 

 

The best way to counter an angry spouse is to do something for her.  The easiest thing is to buy a gift, the second easiest is to do some housework or humble yourself and offer her a foot massage. 

 

Some fights are tests of love.  Think of them as that.  The wisest person recognizes that his spouse needs love most when she's being an idiot.  Think of a difficult partner as a porcupine that needs a big hug.  Plant that image in your mind and live it whenever the going gets tough.  It really works. 

 

When your partner gets crabby, that's the time for you to put on the super soft pads and bomb with love.  It's all about ventilation, letting your partner get the hurt off his or her chest.  Deal with issues directly and always try to be light and humorous about a serious scuffle. 

 

Never get sarcastic.  Think before you open your mouth.  Be civil in voice intensity, don't shout.  Have the guts to apologize and/ or call a truce.  There are many ways to call a truce, all of them about swallowing your ego and humbling yourself. 

 

The best way is to find a good CD at a music store that summarizes your feelings and give it to her.  Ask the clerk or call a radio station and ask for a song that says, "I'm sorry for being a jerk"  but if you do this too much, it will wear off as I saw in the John Denver biography movie where he brought his wife a new song he wrote for her after their umpteenth fight and she said it wouldn't work anymore whereupon she divorced him.

 

The one thing I've found about life is that tone of voice is everything.  If you talk gently, regardless of what you say, you diffuse almost every situation.

 

Conflict, I believe, is a natural part of a love relationship because, despite the good that the love is doing for you, on the other hand, it is inevitably taking something away from your own personal identity and freedom. 

 

Whether subconsciously or on the surface, this little bit of tension is always there (at least among couples together less than 20 years) and should be acknowledged and addressed.  Call it the Power Play, the tension you two have when jostling for position with each other.  There will inevitably be some tension between you which you probably choose to repress.

 

Look at conflict as a necessary release of tension or safety valve that if left unchecked will explode.  Simply ask your lover at the end of the day how the day went then kiss her and cuddle her.  Try to get it all out, not just a surface fight over who left the stove on but what's really going on underneath it all. 

 

Oftentimes, little arguments are convenient scapegoats for bigger problems underneath such as a nag always nagging is probably unfulfilled as a human being and insecure in the relationship so she tries to get control by nagging. 

 

Or if your girlfriend has a bad habit like smoking and she blows smoke in your face when she gets mad and you ignore her smoking until you get mad then criticize her for it.

 

Tension should be dealt with to clear the air.  If left unchecked, it could blow up into bad fights.  Don't get defensive and dump all your baggage out on your partner. 

 

Listen, then try to get to the root of the problem.  If left to simmer, it causes headaches, anxiety and disrupts everything else in your life. 

 

You may turn to addiction, any form from shopping to drugs to numb the emptiness it leaves inside you.  It may get so bad, you might try professional help but I believe that people should solve their own problems except in extreme cases.  Get it out, solve it immediately through talk and understanding. 

 

Invariably, the root cause to virtually every fight is resistance breeds resistance.  The egocentric part in each of us tells us not to let anyone get the better of us.  And somehow this translates to the ones we love, maybe because we're stuck so close in living proximity that we get on each other's nerves from time to time. 

 

Say, for example, you make a mess, your wife nags you about it but you had a bad day so you say to yourself screw her and leave it. 

 

She nags you again.  You get up, wash the dishes purposely leaving them dirty to spite her.  She sees this and gets mad, washing her own clothes in the laundry and leaving yours in a pile to smoulder. 

 

You see that as a deliberate act so you retaliate by letting the dog into the bedroom all over the bed which she absolutely despises.  Then you ignore each other and pretend to sleep while seething on each side of the bed. 

 

Make it a point to stop yourself before your counterattack to her attack.  When a conflict starts, automatically be extra nice to her right then, talk about it in a cool, rational manner and resolve it with some kind of mutual agreement.  It's called the art of the deal. 

 

Don't get into overexplaining and overanalysis too much.  Be mature, cut it off, stop the cycle, make the first step towards reconciliation. 

 

Ultimately, we're all individuals stuck in our own point of views made up of everything that ever happened to us which formed our attitudes and perceptions about the world. 

 

We're all a tangled web of emotions.  A relationship is a coming together of two tangled webs of emotions.  Some parts fit, some don't. 

 

The parts that fit may lead to a snug connection, the parts that don't could short circuit and self-destruct.  My point in all this is that we are all individual entities floating around like blobs of flesh each encumbered in his own space and the reality is that no two blobs are exactly alike.  It's just one of the facts of life. 

 

No matter how close one gets to another, there's always the rift of individual differences.  These can be dangerous, serious enough to destroy relationships. 

 

As a relationship evolves, the similarities fade and the differences may be highlighted.  This could lead to feelings of alienation when one realizes that the other is really not like him or her. 

 

The best we can do is acknowledge in our minds that we are different, we come from different places so we must except and accept such things in our mates without going off half cocked feeling like strangers when we learn she didn't partake in the middle class ritual of summer camps like you did or some other ridiculous thing like that such as you like baseball, she thinks it's stupid. 

 

Every single day is a new day.  Just as it's a battle to keep your spark of inspiration alive, it's a battle to keep love hot all the time.  I just be myself and try to be nice all the time.  It's the easiest way to live. 

 

When you're nice, karma comes back to you.  No gimmicks, no big presents to buy her love, try to be nice to her, getting her things from the kitchen when she's sitting down and every night, sit beside her, talk to her and kiss her because you love her.

 

Conflict at Work

 

Within any group of people anywhere including the workplace, some people will naturally dislike some of the others, some will be naturally attracted to others and form cliques while others will be loners who keep mostly to themselves or equal opportunity friends who try to be friends with everybody but have no allegiances to anybody.

 

I'm partial to the last type, I try to be friends with everybody because I will never know when I need somebody's help.  I don't like to join small in-groups because that stigmatizes you and usually alienates you from other groups. 

 

You always need little favors at work so the more people you're allied with, the better off you will be.  Make a conscious effort to culture all the allies you can wherever you are.

 

Conflicts will happen simply because people are different and often don't particularly like people who are not like them.  The best thing a company can do is to promote a live and let live policy, i.e. tolerance.

 

Negative people like to blame, instigate fights and hold grudges.  In general, regardless of the source of the conflict, try to resolve it quickly before it gets out of hand.  Be a good listener.  Get both sides of the issue.

 

There is usually one asshole who starts something.  Don't pull any punches.  If one guy was being an asshole, give it to him, punish him, fire him if you have to. 

 

Don't play the liberal role of trying to smooth things over for everyone because this doesn't solve anything.

 

Granted, some situations have no clear villain but most usually have one clear jerk and the victim.  Promoting cooperation or separating the two might work in some situations but if you have a person who's a jerk by personality, why bother trying to work with him.  Tell him he's a "Disruptive Force" and show him the door.

 

With minor conflicts involving good people, focus on the problem, not the person. 

 

Try to minimize conflicts by creating a relaxed workplace without much stress in the first place.  Barring that, always search for the objective truth in any situation.  Clarify exactly what the issue is.

 

Try to stay out of some conflicts.  Encourage employees to solve their little problems amongst each other themselves but if the problem is severe, encourage them to come to you, the boss, for help since that's your job anyway, to help keep production running smoothly.

 

When trying to mediate a situation, try to be objective.  Treat everyone with respect and professionalism but look for the objective truth. 

Every situation is different.  Be intuitive in how you deal with it.

 

In some cases, it's best just to back off, let the players cool off then go on without resolving anything.  In time, everybody will conveniently forget about it.

 

Clear channels of communication is essential for a happy workplace.  Encourage frustrated, unhappy workers to tell you what's going on.  Try to relate and empathize with them.  Stay calm and try to keep them calm.

 

Do not fight anger with anger.  Tell him to cool off for five minutes then try again.  Try to be relaxed and not confronting because confrontation is usually met with resistance.  Simply say you're not taking sides, you just want to get to the truth and keep repeating it.

 

Avoid the little in-groups that keep to themselves, separate themselves from the mainstream group and gossip about them. 

 

Make your identity at work be that of the sociable one friendly with everyone but with a part of you that no one can penetrate because you're too strong for all of them with their trivial gossip office politics crap. 

Play it as kind of the person on the outside looking in, checking it out but with your own identity away from work.

 

In the workplace you have different jobs, the secretaries, the managers, sales, accounting, production, transport, etc. 

 

Within these groups, there may be squabbles among cliques like the blue collar drinking types versus the corny conservatives and every individual thinking about where he is in the pecking order especially if you're ranked in your PERs.

 

Beyond this inner-group jostling for position and squabbling, every group is generally united against the other groups meaning your loyalty is to your own group first over anyone else and sometimes your group might even fight or openly hate other groups.

 

The biggest strength at work or conversely, the biggest problem is people.  It's always about people, the way they relate to each other.  There are no easy answers.  People are naturally tribal, they stick to their own kind and shut out the rest in a kind of us against them attitude.

 

This is human nature.  You have to deal with it.  Your best bet is to acknowledge these tribes exist and identify them in your workplace.  The trick is not to eliminate them because you can't but to actively encourage everybody to get along with each other and at the very least, to tolerate each other.

 

Either put up posters or make occasional speeches about brotherly love, multi-culturalism and things like that, especially after there's some kind of squabble. 

 

Try to encourage teamwork and common respect for your fellow man.  Tell them they don't have to love each other, just work together as a team while they're at work.

 

If one tribe goes off too far on their own alienating themselves from the rest of the organization, that may be alright provided they get the job done but if you need them as part of the main group, you either have to fire the leaders or reassign them to other different tribes in the organization and put a few equal opportunity friends in with them to break them up.  Don't force phony social relations, just encourage common respect and teamwork.

 

The head guy of a big worldwide delivery company said he changes everybody every year or so.  He either puts them in a different job, with a different group or on a different shift.

 

In essence, some basic guidelines on how to promote a healthy workplace are:

 

Encourage a teamwork atmosphere.

 

Stimulate people to be interested in their work but not overworked.

 

A good way to get different groups to get along is to just put some of them together to work on a project or encourage them to brainstorm about making their two departments work better together or something like that.

 

Try to get people from different groups to work together physically in the same area if at all possible.  Don't just segment them off into separate units so they barely see each other.

 

As with people anywhere, the more they get close to each other to talk and get to know each other, the more civil, friendly and helpful they will be to each other.

 

Give each person physical space.  Don't stand too close to someone ventilating his frustrations.

 

Don't give off a challenging stance.  Don't point your finger or cross your arms.  Don't glare or stare.

 

Ask the person how he thinks the conflict should be resolved.

 

If an individual is putting everybody and everything down, ask for specifics.

 

Be reassuring. Your job is to calm people down in the moment.

 

Do not make promises you cannot keep.

 

Books about conflict management are at #303.69, #658.4 or HD42 and HM1126 at the library.

 

Conflict Resolution Websites

 

Spouses and families fight and people in business fight.  Here are some websites to help you resolve conflicts.

 

acrnet.org, acresolution.org, the association for conflict resolution.

crinfo.org, conflict resolution gateway.

accri.org, correspondence course on conflict resolution.

acresolution.org, association for conflict resolution.

 

business-marketing.com/store/conflict.html, conflict management training videos, dvds, books, workshops, seminars.

campus-adr.org, campus conflict resolution resources.

ccrcmediation.com, chesapeake conflict resolution center.

ccrweb.ccr.uct.ac.za, centre for conflict resolution.

cheetahpm.com

cicr-icrc.ca, canadian institute for conflict resolution.

conflict.colorado.edu

conflictresearch.org conflictresolution.com

conflict-resolution.org, center for conflict resolution at salisbury university.

conflictresolution.org/primer/enter.htm

conflictresolution.pdx.edu, the conflict resolution graduate program.

conflictresolutionblog.com

conflictresolutionusa.com/conflict_resolution.htm

consensus.fsu.edu, florida conflict resolution consortium.

cooperativecoach.com

crcvt.org, conflict resolution catalysts.

crinfo.org, the conflict resolution information source.

crnhq.org, conflict resolution network.

defyingrightandwrong.com, learn conflict resolution skills.

ecr.gov, u.s. institute for environmental conflict resolution.

effectiveexecutivecoaching.com

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/conflict_resolution

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/journal_of_conflict_resolution

fambizadvice.com, national center for family business.

gridinternational.com, conflict resolution training seminars.

hewlett.org/archives/conflictresolution

hispeace.org/html/church_respond.htm, peacemaking in the church, responding to church conflict.

humanresources.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com
/od/managementtips/a/conflict_solue.htm

incore.ulst.ac.uk, degree program in conflict resolution.

jstor.org/journals/07314086.html

learningcenter.net/trust/

library.gmu.edu/resources/socsci/conflict.html

mediate.com

national crime prevention council, conflict resolution.

nccre.org, national center for conflict resolution education.

ncpc.org/topics/conflict_resolution/index.php, nicr.ca, the network, interaction for conflict resolution, canada.

padco.aecom.com/marketsandservices/38/58/index.jsp

peaceplease.com, peace products like t-shirts.

pei.sympatico.ca/conflictres

safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/conflict.asp

studygs.net/conflres.htm, cooperative conflict resolution.

thecampergroup.com/conflict-resolution.html, workplace conflict resolution management training.

trainingabc.com, workplace conflict resolution videos.

trinstitute.org/ojpcr, journal of peace and conflict resolution.

w1.312.telia.com/~u31205597/

weinholds.org/marriagecounselingpsychotherapyintensives.htm, colorado institute for conflict resolution and creative leadership.

work911.com/conflict

 

Association for Conflict Resolution

1015 18th Street NW, Suite 1150

Washington, DC 20036

(202) 464-9700

acrnet.org

 

Fighting in Relationships Websites/ Argument Websites

 

spatclash.com, the next time you have an argument, let people vote about who was right.

 

queendom.com/articles/love/arguing_intro.html

aclu.org/getequal/ffm, fighting for marriage.

andrea-sheehy.com/fair-fighting.htm

burrelstreetwise.com/streetwise-conflict-tips1.php

buzzle.com/editorials/11-29-2005-82616.asp

chinesefortunecalendar.com/mixrelationship.htm

community.lifehack.org/story/20051222/article/how_to_stop_the_fighting_in_your_relationships

elizabethmapstone.com/wow/

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/logical_argument

enhancedhealing.com/articles/view.php?article=189

ezinearticles.com/?love, -relationships-and-sacred-love--fighting-off-the-gremlins-that-shorten-relationships

=323405

familyfight.com

fishbowl.pastiche.org/2004/03/21/charles_rules_of_argument

fortuneangel.com/allrelationships.htm

health.yahoo.com/topic/relationships

healthduo.com/how-to-stop-the-a7178.html

lifehacker.com/software/relationships

lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/default.aspx

lonniebest.com/arguing/

marriage.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com
/cs/conflictandanger/ht/fightfair.htm

positiveconflicts.com

powa.org/argument/

queendom.com/arguing_style.html

queendom.com/tests/relationships/arguing_style_r_access.html

relationshipdata.info/25135.php

relationship-helps-and-advice.com/fightingfair.html

relationships.com.au/advice/fair_fighting.asp

utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/fighting/fighting.html

 

Chapter 7. Alternative Dispute Resolution

 

Conflict Resolution at Home and in Business

 

Spouses and families fight and people in business fight.  Here are some websites to help you resolve conflicts.  The key is to give a little bit and compromise.

 

Try not to start off with a negative attitude.  Don't go in half-cocked looking for a fight or to unload on someone.

 

You can't beat around the bush.  People can't read minds.  You have to approach the other person and state directly that we have an issue we should try to resolve together.  Try to be cooperative.

 

Identify/ define exactly what the problem is without criticizing a person.

 

Try to resolve it being curious and friendly rather than oppositional.  Just say we've got an issue we should try to solve.

 

Don't bring the police or a lawyer into it unless personal, face-to-face measures fail.

 

acrnet.org, acresolution.org, the association for conflict resolution.

accri.org, correspondence course on conflict resolution.

acresolution.org, association for conflict resolution.

business-marketing.com/store/conflict.html, conflict management training videos, dvds, books, workshops, seminars.

campus-adr.org, campus conflict resolution resources.

ccrcmediation.com, chesapeake conflict resolution center.

ccrweb.ccr.uct.ac.za, centre for conflict resolution.

cheetahpm.com

cicr-icrc.ca, canadian institute for conflict resolution.

conflict.colorado.edu

conflictresearch.org conflictresolution.com

conflict-resolution.org, center for conflict resolution at salisbury university.

conflictresolution.org/primer/enter.htm

conflictresolution.pdx.edu, the conflict resolution graduate program.

conflictresolutionblog.com

conflictresolutionusa.com/conflict_resolution.htm

consensus.fsu.edu, florida conflict resolution consortium.

cooperativecoach.com

crcvt.org, conflict resolution catalysts.

crinfo.org, the conflict resolution information source.

crnhq.org, conflict resolution network.

defyingrightandwrong.com, learn conflict resolution skills.

ecr.gov, u.s. institute for environmental conflict resolution.

effectiveexecutivecoaching.com

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/conflict_resolution

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/journal_of_conflict_resolution

fambizadvice.com, national center for family business.

gridinternational.com, conflict resolution training seminars.

hewlett.org/archives/conflictresolution

hispeace.org/html/church_respond.htm, peacemaking in the church, responding to church conflict.

humanresources.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com
/od/managementtips/a/conflict_solue.htm

incore.ulst.ac.uk, degree program in conflict resolution.

jstor.org/journals/07314086.html

learningcenter.net/trust/

library.gmu.edu/resources/socsci/conflict.html

mediate.com

nccre.org, national center for conflict resolution education.

ncpc.org/topics/conflict_resolution/index.php, nicr.ca, the network, interaction for conflict resolution, canada.

padco.aecom.com/marketsandservices/38/58/index.jsp

peaceplease.com, peace products like t-shirts.

pei.sympatico.ca/conflictres

safeyouth.org/scripts/teens/conflict.asp

studygs.net/conflres.htm, cooperative conflict resolution.

thecampergroup.com/conflict-resolution.html, workplace conflict resolution - management training.

trainingabc.com, workplace conflict resolution videos.

trinstitute.org/ojpcr, journal of peace and conflict resolution.

weinholds.org/marriagecounselingpsychotherapyintensives.htm, colorado institute for conflict resolution and creative leadership.

work911.com/conflict

 

Mediation and Arbitration at Work

 

If you're in an employee-employer employment dispute for breach of contract, unjust termination or any other matter, rather than go through the courts, you can go through mediation or arbitration.

 

In mediation, the mediator is a neutral third party.  In collaborative law, it's just the two sides talking it out with no third party present. 

 

Mediation and collaborative law are generally agreed to by both sides together. 

 

In arbitration, the arbitrator makes the final decision just like a judge does.

 

The mediator could be a lawyer or a professional in the social work/ counseling field.  It is much cheaper than using lawyers and lawyers don't particularly like it. 

 

Mediation at Work Websites

 

mediationworks.com/mti, mediationworks - resources for managing workplace conflict

adrforum.com, national arbitration forum, useful information on employment arbitration

transformativemediation.org

acjnet.org, access to justice ntwork.

afccnet.org, assn. of family and conciliatory courts.

collaborativedivorce.homestead.com/faqs.html

divorceasfriends.com

mediation.com

mediatorindex.com

mediationworks.com, mediation training institute.

nicr.ca, network: interaction for conflict resolution canada.

nocourt.org/principles.htm, collaborative law.

spidr.org, society of professionals in dispute resolution.

 

American Arbitration Assn.

335 Madison Ave.

Nyc 10017-4605

212-716-5870

Fax: 212-716-5905

800-778-7879

Fax: 877-info-aaa

adr.org

National headquarters of this nonprofit organization with 37 regional offices.  Divorce mediators available.

 

Association for Conflict Resolution

1015 18th St., NW

#1150 Washington, DC 20036

202-464-9700

acrnet.org

 

Assn. of Conflict Resolution

1527 New Hampshire Ave. Nw

Washington, Dc 20036

202-667-9700

mediate.com

 

Alternative Dispute Resolution/ ADR

 

Instead of going to court on a civil matter like a divorce, a business disagreement, a consumer problem, a landlord-tenant issues, etc., you might be able to resolve a civil problem or dispute by simply talking to the complainant or you may both agree to a formal proceeding commonly called an Alternative Dispute Resolution/ ADR.

 

These kinds of legal processes can be used in almost all kinds of civil cases including employment, business dispute, family, divorce, neighbors, landlord-tenant, consumer, personal injury, home improvement services and contracts. 

 

There are several different types of ADRs.  The spirit of all of them is that the two sides sit together with a neutral third party who will either act as the referee or the judge, depending on the type of ADR the players choose.

 

In order for there to be an ADR as opposed to a court case, both sides have to be open and friendly enough to agree to this arrangement and agree to bide by the results.  They are still adversarial but willing to give a little bit more than in a court case. 

Depending on the laws in your area geographically and in the subject area of your dispute, there could be provisions in the law that allow you to choose ADR instead of a regular court case or you could operate independently of the court system if you want. 

Before you file a lawsuit, ask the other side if they would be willing to go through an ADR process rather than go to court over it.

 

The biggest advantages of ADR over litigation are:

 

Speed of resolution.

 

Cheaper costs, no lawyers getting high fees for an extended period of time.

 

With ADR, if it breaks down or you don't like the way it's going, you can always revert back to the court trial process if you want.

 

The general procedure is as follows:

 

Both sides agree to an ADR process.

 

The two sides write an agreement where they agree on the time, the duration of the process and who, if anyone, will make the final decision.

 

Sometimes, but not all, each side will write up their version of events to give to the arbitrator/ mediator.

 

There will have to be an agreement to how the arbitrator will be paid and possibly a constraint on time.  Both sides could agree that the process will go on regardless of time constraints or agree to x number of hours for the process then that will be it.  either they or the arbitrator will have to make a decision after that.

 

On the day of the meeting, each side will come in, the moderator will explain the case briefly by defining the exact issue at hand then give each side a chance to make their presentation.

After this, they will discuss, argue and negotiate until either they reach a mutual decision or if they can't, the moderator will say he has heard enough and goes off to deliberate about his decision.  This could take several days.

 

The moderator's skill is in being neutral while being civil and friendly to both sides.  His job is to help each see the other side, to prevent them from fighting and keeping a level head so that both sides stay to work through it.

 

He can inject his ideas about how the two parties should resolve the issue at hand.

 

The moderator has the option to talk to each side in private if he wants in order to help him resolve the issue at hand.

 

If one of the sides doesn't like the way the proceeding is going, they can cut it off before the final decision and revert back to the court litigation process.

 

In big cases, several people sit on a board of arbitrators or mediators and hear a case as a team.

 

Think of the moderator as a judge, referee, teacher and ideas person.  Think of ADR as good faith bargaining.

 

Negotiation

 

The simplest type of ADR is a Negotiation Process.  Both sides try to work it out.  They try to hammer out a deal together by talking it out while a third party tries to help them with general advice.  You have to give a little bit and compromise.

 

Each side states its terms then you discuss them anywhere from a few minutes to several days and end up with an agreement.

 

Mediation

 

Mediation is a good faith process with both sides presumably entering into it to come to a fair settlement.  If one side is in stronger or bullying position, mediation is no good.  If one side wants punitive damages, the issue has to be resolved in a court of law.

 

The mediator must be someone who does not have an emotional or financial stake in the outcome.  Mediators should be professionals who don't know the players involved. 

The mediator's job is to sit with the players and try to keep them calm and cordial while you all work on solving the problem you're working on.

 

A mediator schedules a meeting at a time and place convenient to everyone.  He wants them all to feel they can speak openly and makes it clear that his job is to get to the bottom of the problem.

 

The mediator gives the players turns explaining their position, issues or feelings.  Make a rule that they are not to be interrupted while speaking.

Have someone take notes.

 

Encourage questions by the other side after one side has spoken.  Periodically, with a complicated point, have the note-taker read back what someone said such that the person can either confirm or clarify it.

 

Invite everyone to offer their own solutions.  Discuss these possible solutions.  Try to come to a solution that everyone can accept.  It will usually be a compromise, each side giving a little bit.

 

The ideal is to let the people experiencing the conflict decide on a solution among themselves without input from the mediator. If they can't, then the mediator has to make that decision for them.  Tell them that you would rather that they come to an agreement amongst themselves rather than you making it for them.

 

Once you reach a solution, tell them you'll put it into practice for a week or two then call another meeting to discuss it and make adjustments if necessary.

 

The mediator is more a moderator than a judge.  He's controlling the flow of discussion betwwen the two parties.  His job is to keep them talking until they come to a decision together.

 

If the talks break down, they can choose to go back to court to settle the problem.  The proceedings are informal and although you can bring a lawyer, it doesn't seem appropriate because of the good faith nature of the process. 

Arbitration

 

Arbitration is a process wherein if you have a beef against anyone regardless of whether it's business, a landlord-tenant dispute or any civil manner, you can take it to arbitration rather than to a court where an arbiter, who is less stringent than a judge, will hear your case and the decision he or she makes will be legally binding. 

 

The advantages of arbitration are generally less formality than a court trial, less expensive and less time consuming.  The difference between arbitration and mediation is that in arbitration, the arbiter generally makes the final judgment whereas in mediation, the mediator tries to get the parties involved to reach some kind of agreement amongst themselves. 

 

The tendency of alternative dispute resolutions is that the arbitrator will typically try to satisfy both parties and split the case down the middle rather than a court case which usually ends up with a winner and a loser. 

Both sides agree that the arbitrator, a neutral third party will make the final decision  that will be legally binding. 

 

This process is more formal than mediation and both sides can bring evidence and witnesses in and also use lawyers in the process. 

This sounds a lot like regular trial but it differs in that the arbitrator is much more flexible about not having to follow the procedure of law and can use evidence not normally accepted in a court of law like hearsay.  After the hearing, the arbitrator deliberates and delivers a written decision within 30 days and that's it.  There's no magic verdict moment, it's a piece of paper.  The decision of a binding arbitration is final and you can't appeal it. 

 

Also, you can't use a jury as in a regular trial. 

 

Summary

 

Both mediation and arbitration are private unlike public courtroom trials. 

There are Alternative Dispute Resolution Centers all across the country.  Check the Yellow Pages of the phone book under the following categories:

 

Alternative Dispute Resolution.

 

Arbitration.  Mediation Service.

 

Also, refer to your local Better Business Bureau which does a lot of arbitration and mediation work in consumer affairs between customers and business owners. 

They also help a lot of unhappy car owners get satisfaction from the dealers.  In the final analysis, if you think it's a viable option in your case, consider mediation/ arbitration in lieu of a court trial.

 

There are books about ADR at #347.710-740 and KE8615 or KF9084 at the library.

 

ADR Websites

 

Contact one of the following organizations or the trade organization in the area you're disputing:

 

adr.org, american arbitration assn.

bcicac.com

cdrc.com

cedr.co.uk, center for dispute resolution.

clicknsettle.com

conflictresolution.org

cpradr.org, cpr institute for dispute resolution.

cybersettle.com

cybertribunal.org, arbitration.

disputes.org, list of adr business who settle disputes.

iahl.org, international alliance of holistic lawyers.

igc.org, conflict net.

institutefornonviolence.com.aum world institute for nonviolence and reconciliation.

internetneutral.com

jurisint.org/pub/03/en/index, arbitration and mediation world.

mediate.com

mediation.org, academy of family mediators.

mediations.com

no-faultadr.org, new york.

ombuds.com, arbitration for copright law.

onlinemediators.com

spidr.org, society of professionals in dispute resolution

theelectriccourthouse.com

vmag.law.vill.edu, virtual magistrate, online arbitration.

 

American Bar Assn.

Standing Committee On Dispute Resolution

740 15th St. Nw

Washington, Dc 20009

202-662-1680

abanet.org/publiced

Will help you find a resolution program to deal with a consumer problem.

 

Better Business Bureau

4200 Wilson Blvd.

#800

Arlington, Va 22203

703-276-0100

800-334-2406

bbb.org

 

Endispute Mediation Organization

800-35205267

800-400-3773

jams-enddispute.com

National Arbitration Forum

800-474-2371

arb-forum.org

 

National Institute For Dispute Resolution

1901 L St. Nw

#600

Washington, Dc 20036

202-862-0100

202-466-4764

crenet.org

 

Public Investors Arbitration Bar Assn. Norman, Ok

888-621-7484

404-365-0150

piaba.org

Will recommend a lawyer for arbitration.

 

Remodelling Contractors Assn.

1 Regency Dr.

Bloomfield, Ct 06002

203-242-6823

 

Society of Professionals In Dispute Resolution

815 15th St. Nw

#530

Washington, Dc 20005

202-783-7277

 

Mediation Organizations In Canada

 

afcnet.org, assn. of family and conciliatory courts.

amic.org, arbitration and mediation institute canada.

attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/html/family/familymediation.htm, ontario mandatory mediation program.

canada2.justice.gc.ca

ccmediation.com, canadian center on mediation.

cle.bc.ca/cle/analysis/collection, collaborative law.

dispute.resolution.uvic.ca

disputes.org/eresolution.ca, canada.

mediation.com

mediation-services.ca

mediationworks.com, mediation training institute.

nicr.ca, network: interaction for conflict resolution canada.

nicu.ca

 

Arbitration and Mediation Institute of Canada

232 - 329 March Rd.

Box 11

Kanata, On K2k 2e1

877-475-4353

613-599-0878

Fax: 613-599-7027

amic@igs.net

amic.org

 

Canadian Bar Assn.

Task Force on ADR

902-50 O'Connor St.

Ottawa, On K1p 6l2

800-267-8860

613-237-2925

613-237-1988

Fax: 613-237-0185

info@cba.org

cba.org

Contact them for a referral to a mediation program in your area.

Center for Mediation

2300 Yonge St.

#709

Toronto, ON M4P 1E4

416 544 0633

Fax: 416 544 0631

 

Family Mediation Canada

123 Wallich St.

2nd Fl.

Guelph, On N1h 3b1

519-836-7750

Fax: 519-836-7204

fmc@web.net

fmc.ca

 

Chapter 8. Crime at Work

 

Commercial/ Financial/ White Collar Crime

 

Financial Crime is any white collar crime where somebody steals money by shuffling papers and computer bytes around.  Money laundering, computer theft, forgery and ambezzlement are quite popular.

 

Commercial criminals, corporate raiders could be either or all of the following in a publicly traded corporation; CEO, executives, shareholders with 5+ % of the shares, new CEO brought in to restructure the company, large investment companies, money manager of mutual fund, retirement fund, etc., anyone that has a large stake in the corporation. 

 

Basically, the trend is that one or several of the players get together and decide that the particular corporation is a cash cow ripe for the pickings.

 

It could be a corporation that's doing great or a fledging one, it doesn't really matter.  What matters is that the players can manipulate the situation such that stock rises in the short term very quickly, within 18 months then  they cash in their stocks/ stock options, make their killing and get out either leaving a bankrupt company, merged company or company that basically exists on paper and is dead in the water.

 

Typically, one of the players such as a new CEO will try to get hype in the media by quickly firing a bunch of employees, selling off some divisions, moving some of the operations to Mexico, creating new product lines, etc., in an effort to give off the impression that they're restructuring and getting aggressive so that the stock value rises but the point is that all they care about is the value of the stock not about the growth of the corporation itself such that they're basically plundering the corporation, taking their profit and getting out. 

 

Watch out for hype about corporate restructuring or a merger.  It may be a good thing but it may be just a short term gain before the stock crashes.  In any event, although good for the guys at the top, corporate raiding is deadly for the employees and other people involved with the corporation.

 

Nowadays, you got a host of companies being found out for shoddy accounting practices and all kinds of other indiscretions.  The truth is that these commercial crimes generally steal way more than your average bank heist but up until recently the penalties have been far less. 

 

I hope the government holds true to its promise to throw all people in the financial investing industry and corporate executives who steal/ extort money in jail for a long, long time, at least ten years, to get the message out that you don't mess with other people's money regardless of where it is, either a corner store hold-up or the guy in the office messing with the computer. 

 

Money in fines is not enough punishment because there's no incentive not to do it again if the punishment is just money and the risk of getting caught is still relatively low.

 

Major media doesn't like to cover commercial crime in their news reports because they're kinfolk with these corporate criminals.  They'd rather do a story on the poor black guy who stole a car then went on a rampage in a police chase. 

 

Collusion is a dirty little secret of Wall Street.  The boys in the backroom are all scratching each other's backs, even the media guys are hanging out with CEOs and reporting favorably on their companies in return for a favor.

 

There are even politicians "owned" by Wall Street.  They vote on bills for Wall Street over more protection for the people.

 

Beyond collusion, creative accounting to puff up the company's book is big.  I read a book by Arthur Levitt, a former SEC Chairman, who detailed a lot of these techniques.

 

If a CEO gets to pick his own board of directors then they're all in bed together.  In order to run an ethical company, the CEO must be independent from the board.  They should feel free to oppose him.  They should be independent in order to watch each other for possible wrong doing or poor work in general.

 

We need more ethical journalists covering corporate crime and more police investigators on the trail of corporate crime.  Commercial crimes also span:

 

Environmental crimes.

 

Occupational health and safety.

 

Deceptive advertising.

 

Misrepresenting the product.

 

Fraud in the product like selling a concoction as pure orange juice.

 

Consumer safety issues.

 

Making deals with politicians for favor.

 

Bribing government officials to look the other way like inspectors.

 

Price fixing.

 

Monopolizing the market.

 

Healthcare companies denying claims unjustly.

 

Insurance companies denying claims unjustly.

 

Fraudulent bankruptcy.

 

Beyond actual crimes, the corporations employ many lobbyists in grey areas to preserve their interests not to mention how much money they contribute to "friendly" politicians.  They also use other questionable tactics like:

 

Silence opposing big mouths by any means possible.

 

Set up front groups to advance their interests while posing as concerned citizens.

 

Get rid of aggressive, ethical journalists through the buddy network between corporations. 

Corporations own the media so they can report what they want.

 

The current "successful" journalists hosting their own shows are the pro-corporate mouthpieces who openly support the corporatization of the world.

 

Libel laws make it tough for ethical people to want to report something lest they be sued.  Even if it's the truth, they're still sued and end up wasting away in court.

 

Are the superstores that open in some areas doing the right thing by trashing all the mom and pop businesses by their presence?

Those with the power reward those who serve it and trash those who undermine it even when the latter are ethically right.

 

Corporations now have their logos plastered in some museums for giving them endorsements.

 

Several years ago I didn't know why all those people were protesting whenever there was a meeting of world leaders anywhere. 

It's because at heart, the political and corporate forces of the world want to make everything into one big homogenous corporate country, the New World Order, controlled by them and whatever they say goes. 

We the little guys either get in line and play the game or be branded as outsiders who can't earn a living because we're not part of this system.  Maybe it sounds far-fetched but this is the direction the corporate-political world is going.

 

If you know someone you don't like who's systematically and substantially evading taxes, you can claim a reward by turning them in.  Section 7623 of the IRS Code authorizes a reward for turning anyone in who violates federal tax law. 

 

You have to fill in Form 211 and use your real name to claim it.  Mail the completed form to Informant's Claim Examiner at the nearest IRS Office to where you live.

 

The IRS says they'll keep your name confidential such that the person you turned in will never find out it was you who did it. 

Rewards are based on the value of the information given and the amount recovered.  There are three different scales, generally 1, 5 and 10% of the first $75,000 recovered plus lower percentages for more up to $100,000.  Send a letter to:

 

Criminal Investigative Division

Irs

Washington, Dc 20224

irs.gov

 

The book Conspiracy of Fools is the story of the fiasco of the corporation Enron.

 

The Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 has given the SEC (sec.gov) more powers in dealing with corporate executives in publicly traded organizations.

 

Books about commercial crime are at #364.160-169 or HV6691 to HV6769 at the library.

 

Commercial Crime Websites

 

lawprofessors.typepad.com/whitecollarcrime_blog

americangreed.cnbc.com

whitecollarfraud.com

8009endfraud.com, 800 9 end fraud, law office, refers to fraud of government contracts.

adbusters.org, 800-663-1243

cfenet.com, certified fraud examiners.

corporatepredators.org

corpwatch.org

culturejam.com, culturejam.org

essential.org

essential.org/monitor

fbi.gov

financialweb.com/stockdetective

fletc.gov, federal law enforcement training center, georgia.  runs the financial fraud institute for government agents.

 

ftc.gov

fugitive.org/crimeprevention/white/whitecollarcrime

media-awareness.ca

multinationalmonitor.org, watch corporations.

nasdr.com, 800 289 9999, national assn. of securities dealers, check to see if a broker was ever disciplined.

opensecrets.org, politics.

sec.gov

sec.gov/litigation/complaints securities.stanford.edu, database of all federal class action securities fraud lawsuits.

usdoj.gov

 

Financial Crimes Enforcement Network

Dept. of Treasury

800-Sos-Buck

703-905-6096

ustreas.gov/fincen

 

International Association of Financial Crimes Investigators

415-884-6600

iafct.org

 

National Assn. of Securities Dealers

800-289-9999

301-590-6500

nasdr.com

Free disciplinary report on licensed investment brokers.

 

National Business Crime

Information Hotline

800-241-5689

If you know someone commiting any type of crime in business and you want to get them in trouble, give an anonymous report at this phone number.  The authorities will not arrest anybody immediately but investigate the situation.

 

National Finance Adjusters

410-728-2400

nfa.org

 

National Financial Fraud Exchange

Reston, Va

800-822-0416

They will check up on an advisor for you for a fee of about $50 from their database.  They don't cover insurance agents. 

National White Collar Crime Center

804-323-3563

nw3c.org

usdoj.gov

 

SEC

Division of Enforcement

202-942-4000

202-942-4542

202-942-8090, check on licensing status of stockbroker.

sec.gov

Report insider trading and other crimes.

 

Securities Information Center

617-345-4900

secic.com

Database of forged, counterfeit, lost and stolen securities.  Used by investment investigators, not directly available to the public as far as I know although you can make a request through an investigator.

 

Time Finance Adjusters

800-874-0510

tfaguide.com

 

Chapter 9. Whistleblowing Guide

 

Whistleblower Info

 

If you see something being done on the job that's morally wrong, you should report it to the police.  There are laws in place saying that whistleblowers can't be fired for whistleblowing.

 

On the bad side, even though there are whistleblower laws in place to protect people who expose wrongdoing, laws can't dictate the way they'll be blackballed and shunned even if they keep their jobs. 

 

Who wants to work in a place where everybody hates them or at least avoids them because they have been stigmatized as a big mouth, tattle-tailer, whistle blower?

 

I acknowledge that it's not easy to do the right thing in some circumstances especially if it's where you work but your conscience should be your guide throughout life, even if the cost is high. 

I recently saw some FDA whistleblowers say they had to do the right thing by exposing drug test cover-ups because they had to live with themselves.  If you have a case against somebody with facts, not lies and you want publicity, make a video and put it on youtube.com.  If it's good, the mainstream media will pick it up and interview you.

 

angelfire.com/nj/jhgraf/anid.html, a personal account about american government conspiracies by a whistleblower.

answers.com/topic/whistleblower

asacon.com/oalj/libwhist.htm, whistleblower law library.

bbc.co.uk/consumer/tv_and_radio/whistleblower/index.shtml, a programme which investigates anti-social or criminal practices in organisations

dol.gov/compliance/topics/whistleblower.htm, labor.

employeeissues.com/whistleblower.htm

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/allen_jones_whistleblower, pharmaceutical industry.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/anthony_russo_whistleblower, pentagon papers.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/david_graham_whistleblower, fda whistleblower.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/national_security_whistleblowers_coalition

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/whistleblower

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/whistleblower_magazine

jeffreywigand.com, tobacco whistleblower.

oalj.dol.gov/libwhist.htm, oalj law library

osc.gov/wbdisc.htm, u.s. office of special counsel.

osha.gov/dep/oia/whistleblower, health and safety.

quitam.com, provides useful links and information on whistleblower litigation.

whistleblower.org, government accountability project.

whistleblower.ucsf.edu

whistleblowerlaws.com

whistle-blower-net.com

whistleblower-net.de, germany.

whistleblowers.org, national whistleblower center.

 

Some Whistleblower/ Crime Phone Numbers in the Federal Government

 

fic.info.gov, government telephone book.

fbi.gov/contact/fo/fo.htm#cities, federal bureau of investigation

usdoj.gov/dea/contactinfo, drug enforcement agency.

 

Army Whistleblower Hotline

800-752-9747

 

Army Whistleblower Hotline

800-424-9098

Report fraud and corruption by contractors.

 

Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives

888-atf-tips, general tips

888-atf-fiire, arson hotline

888-atf-bomb, bomb hotline

800-atf-guns, guns

800-659-6242, stolen, hijacked or seized cigarettes

800-800-3855, suspicious people buying fertilizer

 

Department of Homeland Security

Federal Computer Incident Hotline (888) 282-0870

ready.gov

 

Federal Bureau of Investigation

Whistleblower Hotline

800-869-4499

fbi.gov/contact/fo/fo.htm#cities

 

Federal Emergency Management Agency Fraud Hotline

800-323-8603

fema.gov

 

Federal Trade Commission

Consumer Fraud Complaints 877-FTC-HELP

877-ID-THEFT, Identity Theft Hotline

ftc.gov

 

Internal Revenue Service

Criminal Investigations 800-829-0433

irs.gov

Call when you suspect a violation of the tax code.  You're eligible for a reward in some cases.

 

Navy Whistleblower Hotline

800-522-3451

 

Taxpayer Complaint Hotline Number

800 audtime

irs.gov

Complain about the Irs.

 

Transportation Security Agency

Security Concerns (866) 289-9673

U.S. Customs

800-BE-ALERT

cbp.gov

Drug Smuggling Hotline.

 

U.S. Marshals Service

Fugitive Tip Hotline 800-336-0102

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of Agriculture

800-424-9121

usda.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Dept of Commerce

800-424-5197

doc.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Dept. of Education

800-647-8733

ed.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of Energy

800-541-1625

doe.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of the Interior

800-424-5081

doi.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of Justice

800-869-4466

usdoj.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of Labor

800-347-3756

dol.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

State Dept.

202-647-3320

state.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of Transportation

800-424-9071

dot.gov

 

Whistleblower Hotline

Department of the Treasury

Internal Revenue Service

800-359-3898

ustreas.gov

 

Whistleblower Reward Service

 

If you know someone you don't like who's systematically and substantially evading taxes, you can claim a reward by turning them in.  Section 7623 of the IRS Code authorizes a reward for turning anyone in who violates federal tax law. 

 

You have to fill in Form 211 and use your real name to claim it.  Mail the completed form to Informant's Claim Examiner at the nearest IRS Office to where you live. 

 

The IRS says they will keep your name confidential such that the person you turned in will never find out it was you who did it. 

Rewards are based on the value of the information given and the amount recovered.  There are three different scales, generally 1, 5 and 10% of the first $75,000 recovered plus lower percentages for more, up to $100,000. 

 

Refer to Section 7623 of the IRS Code and fill out Form 211.

 

Criminal Investigative Division

Irs

Washington, Dc 20224

202-622-3200

irs.gov

 

Irs Internal Security

202-622-4610

Watches over unscrupulous employees.

 

Whistleblower Lawyers

 

employmentlawgroup.net, based in washington d.c.

fraudhotline.com, law firm, providing representation for qui tam whistleblower actions under the false claims act.

lawyers.com

qui-tam-attorney.com, new york city firm, focusing on whistleblower or qui tam cases under the false claims act.

warrenbensonlaw.com, san diego firm emphasizing whistleblower cases.

whistleblower.info, whistleblower law protection act, loevy and loevy, the law firm dedicated to protecting the rights of fraud whistleblowers.

whistleblower.labovick.com, whistleblower lawyer and attorney labovick law firm, florida whistleblower.lawyersandsettlements.com, whistleblower lawyers, articles, resources, news, forum and stories.

whistleblowerlawyerblog.com

whistleblower-lawyer-referral.com

yourlawyer.com, qui tam whistleblower law.

whistlebloweraid.com

 

Chapter 10. The Internet at Work

 

Internet at Work

 

All employers should set up ground rules for employee internet usage and put them in the company manual and/ or on the bulletin board.  You should also tell them you're monitoring their usage via a security software program like spectorsoft.com which records all e-mails sent and received and records the names of all websites visited in a neat file.

 

Employees expect workers to work while at work and not cruise the internet for personal reasons.  This is a reasonable request.  If I were a business owner, I would allow the employees to use the internet for personal reasons only on their own time as with breaks and after work for a short while. 

 

I would record usage, tell them I was doing it, tell them the penalty was severe, a $200 fine and three strikes and they were gone.  I would enforce this rule by checking on the software and acting on transgressions. 

 

I would offer a reward of $100 for anyone who anonymously reported someone they saw using the internet for personal reasons which means I wouldn't disclose who told me, if anyone.  I would just have to go to my trusty software and it would all be there tabulated by time. 

 

Another area of internet usage in the workplace that has caused problems is the sexual harassment issue such as with dirty jokes being e-mailed around or somebody viewing a porno site in full view of others who don't want to see these things.  If it's done on company time with company computers, the company is ultimately responsible. 

 

Even though some workers claim it's a privacy issue, that they're being snooped on at work, the legal fact is that you have no real privacy at work except in the bathroom.  As a legal safeguard, an employer should state explicitly that employees have no privacy at work and should expect to be monitored.

 

Another point is that in order for the company to protect itself from sabotage in the form of viruses, set up ground rules for downloading information and software from unreliable sources or opening e-mail attachments from people they don't know. 

 

Either have them download information only from reliable contacts, come see you with questionable transmissions or have a separate computer off in the corner not attached to the company network which they can use to send and receive things from questionable sources.

 

Finally, employees are both curious and vindicative so if you give your employees free rein over the entire company network, they could do some damage if they get mad enough. 

 

Set up your network such that employees can't get into valuable information they don't need to do their jobs and damage it somehow. 

 

Have a back-up system or two in place.  A good system which I've used a few times is to have a feature where your computer goes back in time a day or two so if you have a problem, you merely start up your computer and go back a day to the time before you had that problem thus avoiding it altogether.

 

Put a clause in the employment contract stating that when an employee leaves the company, he is no longer allowed to access the company website.  Render his password void.

 

theinternetpatrol.com/employees-cant-be-fired-for-surfing-porn-on-the-job

thechannelinsider.com

techdirt.com

 

Cyber-Spying At Work

 

Beware that your bosses at work can install  simple sptware software and track every website you surf and every e-mail you send and get.

 

Spyware records which websites are visited on the computers you install it on.  This software creates a secret file such that you can view all transmissions on the computer like websites visited, e-mails, chats, etc.

 

algorithm.com

apbnews.com

avsweb.com/mom

bestspyware.com, monitoring technology that allows you to monitor any pc from anywhere. bitlogic.co.uk

buyersport.com

chatminder.com

chatnanny.com

computercopinfo.com

computer-spy-programs.com cyber.law.harvard.edu/people/edelman/ads/gator

eblaster.com

icann.org

kansmen.com

keylogger.com

lavasoftusa.com, spyware-removal programs.

matewatcher.com

microsys.com

modemspy.com, this software will record all your phone calls and keep a record of them.

pcpitstop.com/gator

pearlsw.com, 800-732-7596

pestpatrol.com

pieshop.new.net

rfc-editor.org/rfc

savemail.com

securecomputing.com

securetactics.com  sentrycam.com

sequeltech.com

shopathomeselect.com

sirsearch.com

slogger.hypermart.net

smartparent.com/protect

softeyes.com

spectorpro.com

spectorsoft.com

spychecker.com

spydex.com

spywareguide.com

spywareguide.com

spywareinfo.com

surfwatch.net

uk.research.att.com/vnc

watchright.com

webhancer.com

websense.com

whenu.com

xi0.com, camera.

zemericks.com

 

Anti-Spyware Software

 

Check to see if someone is spying on your computer usage, either someone in your home, your boss or some internet business that has installed adware on your computer.

 

adware-list-spyware.linksopen.com

aluriasoftware.com

anti-keyloggers.com

anti-spy.com

javacoolsoftware.com

lavasoft.de

lavasoft.de/software/adaware

lavasoft.nu

mcafee.com

pestpatrol.com

safernetworking.org

spybot.eon.net.au

spybot.safernetworking.de

spychecker.com

spywareinfo.com

webroot.com/wb/products/spysweeper

wilderssecurity.net/spywareguard

 

Chapter 11. Workplace Psychology

 

Business Psychology Info

 

apa.org, american psychological assn., industrial psychology section.  theabp.org, association of business psychology.

businesspsych.blogspot.com amazon.com/tag/businesspsychology

answers.com/topic/industrial-psychology

bpahealth.com, business psychology associates (bpa) provides behavioral healthcare solutions that help people improve their lives.

brainguide.ca/business-psychology-and-organisational-behaviour

businesspsychologist.com

businesspsychologistconsulting.com

businesspsychologists.com

businesspsychology.com, an organizational psychologist.

business-psychology.com, professional training and development in business psychology for executives and psychologists

businesspsychologycentre.co.uk, part of the university of westminster.

businesspsychologyservices.com, services throughout the uk and sweden

businesspsychologysolutions.com, manhattan business coaching.

corporate-psychology.net, provides consulting, coaching, research, evaluation, and training services.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/industrial_and_organizational_psychology

offtheboss.com/inner.htm

opp.co.uk, international business psychology consultancy.

psychologyforbusiness.com

psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php

psychotactics.com, psychological marketing business tactics.

springer.com/psychology, journal of business and psychology.

 

Industrial Psychology Info

 

Many heads are better than one but too many cooks spoil the broth.

 

The regular psychology section at the library is at #150-159 at the library, the applied psychology books at #158. 

 

You might find a few industrial psychology books in the business section at #650.1 or HF5548.  Books about sociology are at #301.02373 or HM585 at the library.  Books about the sociology of organizations are at #302.35 or HM131 at the library.

 

As far as I can gather, industrial psychology comes down to worker happiness or lack of it and worker productivity or lack of it and how to increase both in the workplace, worker happiness and worker production.

 

It all goes back to the old Frederick Taylor concept of Scientific Management versus the Human Relations approach.  To what extent do you strive to make the workers productive and efficient without alienating them. 

 

Back in late 1800s, early 1900s, right around the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, factory owners saw the workers as machines that could and should be manipulated any way they could to save money and get the job done. 

 

They tried to instill time constraints for every function performed, limited bathroom breaks, had buildings without windows, tried to suck everything out of their workers that they could, not realizing that people aren't machines, they have emotions, they shut down, they have good and bad days, etc.

 

Two major theories emerged about human behavior which were as different as night and day so two major ideological movements were spawned as to how to treat workers. 

 

Theory x assumed that people are naturally lazy, want to do the least amount of work as possible, when the cat is away, the mice will play, they need somebody looking over them all the time and have to be pushed by a taskmaster otherwise they will slack off.

 

Theory y assumes that people are naturally motivated to try to improve themselves, like to work, like to release positive energy to create things and left to their own devices will find the inspiration within themselves to do productive, positive things because they want to, it's an inherent part of human nature.

 

The theory x guys treat workers likes expendable slaves, the theory y guys treat them like hippie brothers, we're all united by the spirit of humanity, do your own thing, as long as you feel like you're in motion, you're on the right track. 

 

In reality, there are a few extremists who are theory x people and a few genuises who are theory y people but most of us are a bit of both. 

We will do our jobs, have some dedication and interest in them but by and large, we're indifferent. 

 

A job is a job is a job.  Very few of us feel massively inspired about what we do but we understand that we have an implicit contract with our employer to give some effort plus it's the right thing to do so we do it, not because we're massively dedicated to our work and love it but because we have do our dance to get our money.

 

Anyway, this is what the field of industrial psychology aka organizational behavior is all about; how do you make workers enjoy their jobs and want to be more productive?

 

In the old days, they found simple things to make the workers feel better thus making them more productive, things like putting windows in the factory, putting a clock in, reducing the six day work week to five, reducing a ten hour day to an eight hour day, etc.

 

Nowadays, it comes down to empowering the individual by offering him a profit-sharing plan, giving him free soft drinks and snacks out of the company kitchen, putting a gym on premises, offering daycare, maternity leave, etc.

 

All these things are nice and my belief is that they work for average Joe to make him more productive and motivated but in order to get real winners, you gotta find people who really love the work, it's something in their hearts and souls and simply let them run with their inspiration but these people are few and far between so it comes down to offering carrots (empowering the workers, giving them some sense of control) in order to keep them productive and motivated. 

 

They got all kinds of stuff these days like corporate workshops, corporate games, team events where workers help each other through hard physical challenges then they bring in some supposed business bigshot or inspirational guru to give them a speech to fire them all up. 

At the other extreme, they've realized that if they've got a good employee already trained to do the job, why get rid of him just because he's under stress, has a drinking problem or feels devastated by his divorce. 

 

They've instituted EAPS, employee assistance programs to counsel these people, help them through such that they heal, feel better and are more productive at work.

 

Regardless of what you call it, industrial psychology, organizational behavior or worker empowerment, it all comes down to the same few cliches I've seen repeated over and over again;

 

Get out of top-down management;

 

Encourage a team approach.  Interact don't just act;

 

Be a coach/ mentor.  Train your workers well.

 

Try to keep the job interesting and challenging.

 

Talk to your workers.  Don't just assign a job. 

Explain the reason why it has to be done, show them how to do it.

 

Have an open-door policy;

 

Share knowledge, experience, your needs and problems.

 

Encourage workers to contribute good ideas.

 

Be honest and specific.  Don't lie to workers.

 

Tell your workers what's going on with the company;

When you have a problem, tell them.  Ask for ideas.  Tell them to have patience.

 

Encourage workers to develop ideas on how to better run the company.

 

Quantity is only one thing; quality always counts.

 

Workers have problems too.  Give them leeway sometimes.  If you know they have a personal problem like a divorce or something, ask them if they want to talk about it or need some time off.  Show them you understand where they're coming from.

 

Everything done in the company relates to everything else.  If one guy has high standards, the others should feel like they should meet it.  If another guy makes his piece of the widget shoddy, the entire widget is shoddy so you have to get this team approach thing over to them.

 

The boss needs help, the workers need help.  Together, hopefully you do something great.

 

Reward success with compliments, promotions and money.

 

Tell them when they screw up in a plain tone as opposed to a personal scolding one so they do it right next time.  If they keep screwing up despite your efforts at correction, fire them.

 

Get feedback from customers on how to improve the business.

 

Serve your customers.  Do what they want.

 

Never be satisfied with quality.  Be like the Japanese, always trying to create a better product.

 

Have clear goals, a clear mission statement posted on the wall and in the Employee Handbook.

 

Let everyone speak before making major decisions in the company even the workers or a workers' representative.

 

Little goals and little gains sometimes accomplish more than trying for a big breakthrough.

 

Organizational Behavior/ Organizational Psychology

 

Organizational behavior is the pseudo-science of maximizing the performance and efficiency of individuals and groups within an organization, primarily business organizations to increase production output while keeping happy, motivated workers. 

 

It's a hybrid of psychology, sociology and business principles, in my opinion, psychobabble because the way to get good work out of your workers is to treat them well and try to work as a team with everybody on an equal level, no one superior, it's that simple. 

 

Basically, organizational behavior teaches you to think before you act.  Use your natural intuition to analyze how people think, what their motivations are and how you can relate to them.  There are hundreds of psychology books at #150-159 at the library.

 

Learn how to be a good administrator, leader and how to solve your problems. 

 

Learn how the system works and play the game.

 

Think before you act.  Thoroughly analyze the situation first. 

 

Listen to people to gain insight

 

Who holds the power in the organization?

 

Some of the topics are as follows:

 

The classic conflict between efficiency vs. human relations.

 

Expectancy Theory, employees work harder for rewards.

 

Job satisfaction.

 

The work space.

 

Job specialization.

 

Job rotation.

 

Job enlargement.

 

Motivation.

 

Leadership.

 

Stress.

 

Inter (within a group) and intra (between different groups) group behavior.

 

Power conflict.

 

Problem solving.

 

Management leadership.

 

Decision making.

 

Organizational communication.

 

Performance evaluations.

 

Promotions.

 

Raises.

 

Resistence to change.

 

Rewards.

 

Organizational decisions and environments.

 

The way organizations evolve.

 

VCM Leadership Model, The vision, commitment, and management aspects of leadership

 

Books about organizational behavior are at #650.1, #658.4 and HD58.7 at the library.  It's a standard business course at college. 

 

Industrial and Organizational Psychology Websites

 

amby.com/worksite/wp_psych.html, psychology of the workplace, find a job, improve your resume, practice for interviews; includes links to pittsburgh job search sites.

answers.com/topic/industrial-psychology

aom.pace.edu

brainflex.com, corporate psychology and mental fitness coaching services

cop.es/docs_web/otros/work.htm, work and organizational psychology sites

corporate-psychology.net

cps.usfca.edu/ob/resources

eawop.org, european association of work and organizational psychology.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/organizational_psychology

eoslifework.co.uk

ifap.bepr.ethz.ch

influenceatwork.com, proven science for business success.

innersource.net

networkingforhomeandoffice.com/  obweb.org

orgnet.com

org-studies.abs.aston.ac.uk, work and organisational psychology group, aston business school.

psychologicalconsultancy.com, work psychology and human resource management consultancy.

psychology.wikia.com/wiki/work

psychologytoday.com/topics/work.html

psychologywaop.nl/enindex.html, the dutch association of researchers in the field of work and organizational psychology.

shef.ac.uk/~iwp, institute of work psychology.

socialnetworkanalysis.com/  socialnetworks.org/  tandf.co.uk/journals/pp/1359432x.html, european journal of work and organizational psychology.

tuta.hut.fi/units/tps/tps_en.php, laboratory of work psychology and leadership.

uel.ac.uk/programmes/psychology/postgraduate/summary/workpsychology.htm

webmd.com/content/article/94/102658.htm, nice guys finish last.

work.com

workingpsychology.com

work-psychology.co.uk

workpsychologyarena.com

workpsychologygroup.com

workpsychologypartnership.com

 

American Psychological Assn.

750 1st St. Ne

Washington, Dc 20002-4242

800-374-2721

202-336-5500

202-336-5510

apa.org

 

Psychology of Work/ Work Psychology

 

Make your vocation your vacation.

 

Basically what it comes down to is to find what you really love to do that can help someone, the money will come and you won't work a day in your life because it will all be fun.  Read my book A Free Spirit's Search for Enlightenment.

 

apahelpcenter.org/articles/topic.php?id=1, psychology at work; help center.

 

Psychology of Workers

 

I believe in the essence of an individual and the essence of a situation.  Everybody has an essence/ soul about themselves.  The self-respecting, energetic people generally make good workers because they have energy to burn and love to work it off. 

 

The mundane, average types will give you a mundane, average job for any of the reasons.  Maybe they have this implicit standard within themselves of what they owe you and once they reach that line, they don't give you any more effort. 

 

Some may be naturally lazy, have other problems which keep them from doing a good job or could be holding a grudge against the boss and actually try to sabotage the business.

 

One guy I know cuts it off at the front.  He is the only one allowed to give out application forms.  If someone comes looking for a job, the secretary tells them they have to see Dennis, the boss so in the minute or two that he's giving out the application form, he simply takes a look at the person. 

 

He might make smalltalk and ask a question or two but he usually makes his decisions without saying a word to the applicant.

 

He's looking for somebody with self-respect who looks like a healthy specimen enjoying their lives without being trendy or showy about it..  This is all he needs because he knows it rubs off on everything the individual does. 

 

When they hand him back the applications, he might hire them on the spot or if he doesn't need anyone, put the note "hire" on the application and throw the applications of all the people he's not impressed by on sight alone away. 

 

It's illegal to discriminate so he lets them all fill out applications but he makes his decision based on a momentary look.

 

In the same way, you monitor your people at work.  You can generally tell how bright-eyed and bushy-tailed versus how tired, stressed out and unmotivated someone is simply by looking at how they look and their general overall demeanor. 

 

The psychology of workers is that they will act the way you treat them.  If you treat them well and expect good work, they will respond in kind.  If you make personal attacks on them, they will shut off and turn on you.  Positive breeds positive, negative breeds negative.

 

We all live by moods and the problems that befall us beyond our control.  Everybody will have low, tired moods and have times when some problem preoccupies them.  When this happens to good workers, leave them in their own space.  They're  usually temporary and come around in a week or two.

 

If workers are consistently tired, sluggish, sarcastic, negative or under par, you have to:

 

First talk to them about their work performance.  Don't get personal unless they volunteer information.

 

If that doesn't work, give them a probationary period which they have to sign and know you'll be watching them and they must improve.

 

If this doesn't work, give them a Formal Warning telling them they will be terminated if they don't shape up in the next six weeks.  Make them sign it.

 

If they don't shape up, terminate them legally.

 

I'm of the belief that you need reasonably happy workers if the workplace is to be successful.  I don't like sad sacks, lazy bums, big mouths or angry people. 

 

Granted, you have to give some leeway but I believe that bad apples can poison the atmosphere in the workplace so if I had a worker working for me whose attitude I didn't like, I wouldn't do anything illegal, I'd put him through the probation process. 

 

With all the people out there looking for work, you don't have to settle for a substandard employee.  Get rid of them.  Start over with new employees.

 

The workplace is personal.  There's no doubt about that.  People spend a large part of their days with each other so if they can't get along or have bad attitudes, who needs it. 

 

I understand that an employee making $10 an hour will not care as much about a job as the owner but you have to make it personal, make them all feel as part of a team and be personable enough to the neutral ones so that they will some kind of loyalty to you.

 

Don't just throw people into a job.  Train them for it.  Explain things.  Pay them more as they increase their skills.

 

People can't read minds and many workers are rather sheepish.  They assume they should know what's going on so they don't ask questions when they really should. 

 

When you assume, you make an ass out of me and you (assume, ass-u-me).  Explain things to them.  Always ask if they have questions.  Tell them not to be afraid to ask regardless of how silly the question is because you'd rather have somebody do it right than make a mistake later.

 

Try to develop a dialogue.  Explain the rationale as to why you want a job done.  At the same time, ask them for their ideas on how a certain job could be done better.  Tell them you might not act on their ideas but you'll consider them so encourage them to speak up.

 

You're the boss.  You can't just let employees do what they want.  Bear down when you must in order to get your main priority jobs done.

 

There are two basic types of rewards:

 

Monetary, material reward.

 

Stroke to the ego and self-respect of the person (compliments, employee of the month).

 

Use both of these rewards when and as required.  A promotion makes use of both the material reward and an ego stroke which is why they work. 

 

Conversely, the way to punish bad performance is a demotion, a cut in pay and criticism of work performance.

 

Everybody will make mistakes.  After it's done, it can't be changed so don't lose your temper due to an honest mistake.  Show them how to do it right then they'll have no excuse.  If they screw up on the same thing too many times, that's grounds for incompetence and termination.

 

Don't be too hasty.  Don't jump the gun and mistakenly lash out at good workers.  Keep your mouth shut.  Find out the truth before you unload your anger on someone.

 

If something is not broken, don't fix it.  If the workers are doing a good job, don't go in like a fifth wheel and ruin their peace.  Leave good workers doing a good job alone.

 

There are neurotic, anxiety laden people who see the boss as a demagogue and are deathly afraid of them.  Put these people at ease.  Tell them to relax because it'll help them do their work better.  Tell them you're just human like them and expect a competent job and that's it.

 

If you're a bad boss, you'll bring out the worst in your workers.  First off, they'll hate you, you'll make them nervous such that quality of work suffers and some will try to sabotage you mostly by stealing things when you're not looking. 

 

Bad bosses who try to suck as much work as they can out of their employees usually end up shelling out more money because the animosity of the workers towards them cuts into everything the boss wants.

 

If a worker performs poorly and you let it go without so much as a comment, you're enabling that person to get away with substandard work.  Show them what the standard is and wait in the background to correct them if they fall below it.

 

If there are business obstacles or problems beyond their control, talk to them about generating ideas on how to work around it.

 

Everybody has certain limits as workers.  Most workers develop a leisurely but productive flow if left on their own.  If pushed, they'll screw the boss to get back at him. 

 

On high volume days, good workers will know you need extra effort and deliver but will expect you to take it easy on them during their down days.  Nobody likes a boss always trying to suck his workers dry.

 

Everyone has personal problems.  Don't interfere unless they want to talk about it.  Don't butt in unless it's affecting their work then simply say you realize they have problems but they have to carry their load at work.

 

Books about the psychology of workers or supervision of employees are at #658.302 or HF5549 at the library.

 

Psychology Resources

 

Try #150-159 at the library for psychology, #291 for spiritual psychology and #616.86-90 for mental health problems.  Books about sociology are at #301.02373 or HM585 at the library.

 

150.  Psychology

152.  Physiological and experimental.

153.  Intelligence.

154.  Subconscious states.

155.  Differential and genetic psychology.

156.  Comparative psychology.

157.  Abnormal and clinical psychology.

158.  Applied psychology, all the typical self-help books.

159.  Miscellaneous.

 

apa.org/books/students, 800-374-2721, books about careers in psychology.

 

apa.org/students

asppb.org, assn. of state and provincial psychology boards.

psichi.org/content, national honor society in psychology, chapters at colleges and universities.

psychologicalscience.org, american psychological society.

siop.org, industrial and organizational psychology.

 

American Board of Professional Psychology

514 E. Capitol Ave.

Jefferson City, MO 65101

abpp.org

 

American Psychiatric Assn.

1400 K St. Nw

#501

Washington, Dc 20005

202-682-6220

apa.com

psych.org

 

American Psychological Assn.

750 1st St. Ne

Washington, Dc 20002-4242

800-374-2721

202-336-5500

202-336-5510

apa.org

 

Assn. of State and Provincial Psychology Boards

Pob 241245

Montgomery, Al 36124-1245

asppb.org

 

National Assn. of School Psychologists

4340 East  West Hwy.

#402

Bethesda, Md 20814

naspweb.org

nasponline.org

 

Psychology Websites

 

psychogeometrics.com, shapes.

 

personalityresearch.org

sparknotes.com/psychology humannepal.org, humanist association of nepal.

 

712educators.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com
/od/sssociology/index.htm, sociology. theisticpsychology.org

a2zpsychology.com, psychology resources in india and world.

academic.uofs.edu/department/psych/handbook/x.html  acch.org, assn. for the care of children's health.

ajp.psychiatryonline.org, journal of psychiatry.

allaboutlifechallenges.org

allpsych.com/disorders/

allpsychologyschools.com

analyticpress.com

analytictech.com, social network analysis software analytictech.com/networks/whatis.htm, social network analysis apa.org, psychological assn.

answers.com/topic/

anxietyzone.com/conditions/

apa.org/books/students, 800-374-2721, books about careers in psychology.

apa.org/monitor, journal.

apa.org/monitor/

apa.org/psycinfo

apa.org/pubinfo

apa.org/pubinfo/answers.html

apa.udel.edu/apa/governance/edletters/

apa.udel.edu/apa/publications

apahelpcenter.org edge.org/3rd_culture/seligman04/seligman_index.html

apcj.org, applied psychology in criminal justice.

asa.anthropology.ac.uk, association of social anthropologists of the uk and commonwealth asppb.org, assn. of state and provincial psychology boards.

asu.edu/clas/psych

athealth.com

atpweb.org, the association for transpersonal psychology.

aura-soma.net, color psychology.

austria-info.at/personen/freud/index.html

awpsych.org, department of psychology at eastern michigan university.

badhabitscanbebroken.com

baltimorepsych.com allpsych.com/disorders

bbsonline.org, behavioral and brain sciences.

beauty.

behavenet.com

behavenet.com

behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/

behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/mntldsrdr.htm

behavior.net

bellevue.edu/syllabi/psychology

beloit.edu/~psychwww

bettycjung.net

bigeye.com/sexeducation/

biologicalunhappiness.com

blog.thirdage.com/?cat=16, psychology and mental health.

bol.ucla.edu/~msmilman/identitypage.htm

bps.org.uk, british psychological society.

braindance.us

businesspsychologist.com

cchs-dl.slis.ua.edu

ccspublishing.com/journals/mddx/

changethatsrightnow.com, phobias.

childdevelopmenttips.com/index.php/

choosingchange.com.au, building your self-esteem

chs.chico.k12.ca.us/staff/kohencla.htm, abnormal psychology.

cignabehavioral.com cityscape.co.uk/users/ad88/psych.htm, dsm, the big book.

cjsonline.ca, the canadian journal of sociology online.

clarku.edu/departments/psychology

cmhc.com, mental health net.

cmhc.com/joblink

cnr.edu/home/sas/rlafleur/psych

coachingcircles.com

cognitivesciencesociety.org

cogprints.org

cogsci.soton.ac.uk/psycoloquy

cogsci.ucsd.edu colostate.edu/depts/socwork/lists

columbiapsych.com

computerpsychologist.com, psychological testing.

coping.org/growth

corpse.org allaboutlifechallenges.org stevenharris.com/theory, unified theory of the nervous system and behavior.

cpa.ca, canadian psychological assn.

cpa.ca/history/his2.html, history of psychology.

criticalthinking.org

crookedtimber.org

csus.edu/org/lswn, latino social work network.

cuny.edu/psychology

currentpsychiatry.com cwse.org, social work education.

cwu.edu/~cwuchci, the chimpanzee and human communication institute.

cyberpsych.org

cybertowers.com/selfhelp

darkpersonalities.com

dearshrink.com

decadeofbehavior.org

delamotreatment.com, treatment for trauma, ptsd, and dissociative disorders.

depression-guide.com/disorders.htm

depression-treatment-help.com/mental-disorders/disorders.htm

depts.washington.edu/psywc

dhearts.org

diagnostictabs.com, dsm-iv index tabs.

drleons.com/babble.htm, psychobabble glossary.

drmonalisa.com

drpaulschenk.com

drsgaryjoannmeierspsychologists.com drzur.com/techspeed.html

dur.ac.uk/psychology

earlychildhoodlinks.com emotionalhealthonline.com

easyweb.easynet.co.uk/simplepsych

ecopsych.com

ecopsych.com

ecopsych.com, eco-psychology.

emofree.com heartmath.com, master your emotions

emotional.health.ivillage.com

emotionalhealingatwarpspeed.com

emotionalliteracyeducation.com

emotional-literacy-education.com

emotionalsurvival.com, for police and others who mediate.

emotionsrule.com

emotionsuniverse.com

en.mimi.hu/sexuality/index_sexuality.html

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/body_integrity_identity_disorder, body integrity identity disorder, also known as amputee identity disorder or apotemnophilia, the overwhelming desire to amputate one or more healthy limbs.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/cognitive-theoretic_model_of_the_universe

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/list_of_clinical_psychologists

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/negative_equality_nostalgia, also known as "same boat syndrome" is the positive feeling one gets when knowing a peer is in the same level of trouble they are.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/patient_ak, a 16 year old female patient who laughed when her brain was stimulated with electric current during treatment for epilepsy.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/social_cognition

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/talk:human_height, how height affects life.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/the_post_cognitive, tv show in north tx.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/thomas_szasz

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/william_guglielmo_niederland

encyclopediaoftheself.com essential.org/goodworks

enpsychlopedia.org

epjournal.net, evolutionary psychology

europeanroyalty.homestead.com/natypes.html

extension.iastate.edu/hr/subject4.html  faculty.ucr.edu/~hanneman/soc157, social network analysis findarticles.com

feelgoodcounseling.com

focusas.com/identity.html

gasou.edu/psychweb

gasou.edu/psychweb/resource/selfhelp.htm

geron.org, gerontology.

gestalttheory.net

girlshrink.com

gladwell.com/blink, rapid cognition.

goertzel.org, cognitive science.

greatcanadianpsych.ca guidetopsychology.com guilford.com, books.

guidetopsychology.com

guidetopsychology.com cdc.gov/dhdsp/library/data_set_directory/psychosocial.htm

gwbweb.wustle.edu/jobs, social work, social service. hanover.edu/psych/aps/aps.html, psychology jobs.

haworthpressinc.com

health net

healthline.com

healthopedia.com

healthyminds.org

healthyplace.com/communities/personality_disorders/

healthyplace.com/site/disorders_list.asp

helping.apa.org, the american psychological association, how their services can help people deal with problems.

helpself.com

heretical.com, some psych info.

hmc.edu/~mmiles/faq.html

hohse.com

hot-psychology.com

huizen.dds.nl/~laura_d, personality disorders.

humanismtoday.org

humanistsofutah.org

humanlife.org

human-nature.com

human-nature.com

human-nature.com namiscc.org/namilinksfolder/namilinks.html

identitytheory.com

illinoispsychology.org

info.cern.ch/hypertext/datasources/bysubject/psychology/psycologuy.html

infoplease.com/spot/colors1.html, color psychology.

infoplease.com/spot/colors1.html, color psychology.

innerbonding.com

insna.org, international network for social network analysis

inspiritive.com.au/nlp.htm, neuro-linguistic programming.

interport.net/nypsan, freud.

introvert.net colostate-pueblo.edu/sissi, society for the interdisciplinary study of social imagery.

ipl.org/div/subject/browse/soc30.00.00

ire.org/sna, ire resources: social network analysis

ishkbooks.com, institute for the study of human knowledge.

lotsofessays.com/categories/psychology/a.html

mentalhealth.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com

mental-health-matters.com/disorders

mentalhelp.net/disorders

merck.com

mhprofessional.com psychologicalscience.org

mindpowernews.com psykologileksikon.dk

mindtools.com, stuff that psychologists can use.

mtoomey.com, liberation psychology.

mundanebehavior.org

nau.edu/~psych mc.uky.edu/psychiatry/forensic.asp

onstreammedia.com, an online psychology seminar from argosy university.

outlookcities.com/psych/

personalityresearch.org

positivepsychologynews.com

preoccupations.org/intelligence/index.html backwash.com/directorypersonality.php zurinstitute.com/touchintherapy.html

preoccupations.org/psychology/index.html preoccupations.org/identity/index.html

primal-page.com en.wikipedia.org/wiki/list_of_psychology_topics

priory.com/psych

provocc.org/articles.aspx emotional.health.ivillage.com

psichi.org

psy.com

psych.hanover.edu

psych.neu.edu, northeastern university.

psychcentral.com/disorders/

psychcentral.com/resources/psychology/

psychcom

psychology.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com

psychology.eku.edu

psychology.org/links

psychology.ucdavis.edu butler.edu/psychology

psychstudy.wadsworth.com

psycom.net

psyresearchonline.com

religioustolerance.org

research-outcome.org therapeuticresources.com mental-health-matters.com uams.edu/behavioralsciences baltimorepsych.com allaboutlifechallenges.org helpguide.org/mental soton.ac.uk/~wer/abnormalabstracts.htm

rossinst.com, treatment for psychological trauma

schoolpsychology.net

skepdic.com

socialpsychology.org

thetotaltransformation.com

thetotaltransformation.com

toddlertime.com

topix.net/science/psychology

uta.edu/psychology

vanderbilt.edu/ans/psychology

vanderbilt.edu/ans/psychology psychology.org.au, australia.

wagner.edu/departments/psychology wwnorton.com/college/psych psychforums.com psychcentral.com/resources/psychology/

 

Chapter 12. Work and Family Guide

 

Working Parents Info

 

If you work and raise kids, especially if you're the mother, since mothers do most of the child-raising even if they work, be ready for hard work, stress and a minimal amount of time for yourself but you picked this lifestyle now you have to live with it.

 

You'll be separate from your children a lot.  While they're young, you'll have to find some manner of daycare.  When they get older they'll learn to be independent. 

 

You can't control your obligation to work so don't feel guilty about it.  Raise your kids to live in the real world.  Tell them you have to work to make money to pay bills.

 

Quantity or time together doesn't matter as much as quality which means love.You can't help being away for work but when you're home, spend time talking to your children and doing things together.

 

Explain to your kids that you have to go to work.  Tell them when you'll'be back.  Find a good caregiver. 

 

They're crying out for attention, you're tired and stressed out when you get home from work so you have to be wary of the frustration-aggression hypothesis, the kicking-the-dog syndrome, taking your frustrations out on your kids. 

 

Reading to your kids or singing with them is one of the best ways to communicate love rather than simply parking them in front of the TV.  Emotionally connect with your children if you don't want to raise alienated brats.

 

Currently, only eight percent of all families in America are the traditional 1950s nuclear family, the breadwinner father and the housewife mother.  Most women in families and as single parents are out there in the workforce.

 

If you're gone overnight, you can call them on the phone or talk to them through texting or web-cam.

 

When you go on business trips, send your kids postcards.

 

If you have to be away at work, you can call your children, leave them love letters, a CD or MP3 file with you talking, fax them, e-mail them, write out a loving though on the blackboard glued onto your fridge, buy them educational toys and books, leave things like crossword puzzles and books with them and offer to pay them $5 if they have them done the next time you see them (ask them questions or have them write an essay about the book), etc.

 

Try to get them involved in a constructive activity like computer, sports, reading, music, dancing, scouts, etc.

 

Teach your kids to take care of themselves, to be independent.  Get them a pet so they'll have a companion while you're away.

 

Teach your children to eat cereal, make a salad and cook eggs while you're away.  Cook food then teach them to warm it up in the microwave oven.  You can find food books at #641 at the library.

 

When you get back, do special things; take them out for treats and meals, help them with homework, read a bedtime story, sing along to a folk song CD, watch TV together, give them your phone number and tell them to call you anytime they want.

 

Try not to miss your children's special events like birthdays, holidays, the big game, the recital, the annual parade, etc.

 

Don't make promises to your children that you can't keep. 

Don't try to buy their love with presents.  Give them love by spending time with them.

 

Work Issues For Families

 

The major family issues at work are:

 

Daycare.

 

Healthcare.

 

Pregnancy leave.

 

Maternity leave.

 

Paternity leave for fathers upon the birth of children which is widely accepted in Europe.

 

Time off for childcare and care of elder dependents like parents.

 

Medical leave.

 

A flexible work schedule.

 

Job sharing (two people sharing one job).

 

Compressed work week (work longer days but less overall days like 10 hours a day four days instead of eight hours five days).

 

Gay rights for domestic partners.

 

Telecommuting, working for a company at home either part-time or fulltime.

 

In general, there are some laws geared to help families at work but the general policy is a company by company call. 

 

You'd think that corporations would want to offer generous family terms to their workers to keep them happy and some do but many don't so if you're wary about these things, check on the company's family policies before you start working there.

 

If you want to be a crusader, meet with your fellow employees, set up some demands for yourselves and present them to your management as family friendly policies that you want to see implemented. 

 

Simply tell them a family-friendly workplace produces more motivated, happier, productive workers.

 

The American Bill of Rights for the Family is:

 

The right to a job and economic security.

 

The right to healthcare.

 

The right to child and elder care.

 

The right to family leave.

 

The right to services for the elderly.

 

The right to quality education.

 

The right to equal opportunity.

 

The right to equal pay for work of equal value.

 

The right to permanent housing.

 

The right to live and work in a safe and accessible environment.

 

Many women and men alike are ignorant of the law and what rights they have regarding many issues in the workplace like the Family and Medical Leave Act/ FMLA, enacted August 1993 which gives workers the right to take up to 12 weeks unpaid leave to take care of a newborn or a sick family member. 

 

Most states have parental leave laws and some are more generous than the FMLA Act.

 

If you believe your rights at work have been violated, check your company policies and the law, get evidence by documenting the situation(s) (write down every incident immediately after it happens and get witnesses to corroborate you), go through company/ union channels first, file a grievance with both the relevant federal and state agencies, talk to an employment lawyer, call the EEOC and the 9 t0 5 helpline for general advice.

 

The major work-family laws are:

 

The Americans with Disabilities Act/ ADA

Family and Medical Leave Act/FMLA

Pregnancy Discrimination Act/ PDA

 

Family and Medical Leave Act/ FMLA

 

The Family and Medical Leave Act/ FMLA gives workers the right to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave from their jobs for the birth or adoption of a child or to care for a seriously ill child, spouse or parent.  It also gives workers time to recover from their own serious illnesses.

 

If you worked at the company for at least 12 months, you are eligible for these considerations and to have full company health coverage as well as a guaranteed equivalent status job on return but it's only effective for companies with 50 or more employees and workers have to provide employers with 30 days advance notice of taking the leave.

 

For organizations with fewer employees, it's  good business sense to give employees some consideration and work with them when they have important personal issues at home.  It makes for better employees all around when you come off like a good guy.

 

The FMLA requires employers to continue to pay health-care during the leave as long as the employee contributes to his insurance plan while on FMLA leave.

 

The employer is required to provide an equivalent job when the leave ends with the same benefits as before.

 

There are controversies as to what is defined as a family.  Some employers only honor the FMLA with direct family members while others are more liberal.  If you want leave to care for anyone, if you feel they're that important to you then the employer will not stand in your way.

 

The law generally applies to all public sector employees and private sector employers who employ 50 or more employees for at least 20 work weeks in the current or preceding year. 

Thirty four states also have family leave legislation some of which is more generous than that of the federal law so, once again, be sure to investigate.

 

Some states also have good laws for new mothers so check it out with your state department of labor.

 

The FMLA:

 

involves entitlement to leave;

 

maintenance of health benefits during leave;

 

job restoration after leave;

 

set requirement for notice and certification of the need for FMLA leave;

 

and protects employees who request FMLA leave.

 

The reasons you can get up to 12 work weeks of unpaid, job protected leave a year are;

 

Birth and care of child.

 

Adoption and care of child.

 

Care for an immediate family member with a serious health condition.

 

Serious health condition of employee with appropriate certification from doctor.

 

This leave may be intermittent meaning that, for example, an employee may leave to care for a health member for a week here, a week there provided the employer agrees to it.

 

dol.gov/esa/programs/whd/state/fmla

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/family_and_medical_leave_act_of_1993

wrightslaw.com, FMLA Leave Checklist.

fmlaonline.com

 

Public Information Office

Employment Standards Administration

U.S. Department of Labor

Washington, Dc 20210

800-959-Fmla

800-326-2577, Tdd.

dol.gov/dol/esa/fmla

dol.gov/esa/whd/opinion/fmla.htm

dol.gov/dol/esa/public/regs/statutes/whd/fmla.htm

Request booklet Compliance Guide To The Family and Medical Leave Act.

 

Equal Employment Opportunity

Commission Information Line (Eeoc)

1801 L St. Nw

Washington, Dc 20507

800-669-3362

800-669-4000

eeoc.gov

 

Parental Leave Info

 

nccp.org/policy_index_29.html, National Center for Children in Poverty, State Leave Policies, Parental Leave Programs and Policies

 

nationalpartnership.org, National Partnership for Women and Families.  A State-by-State Analysis of Parental Leave Programs.

 

ncsl.org/programs/employ/fmlachart.htm, National Conferences of State Legislatures. "State Family and Medical Leave Laws"

 

dol.gov/esa/programs/whd/state/fmla, "Federal vs. State Family and Medical Leave Laws

 

Sick Leave Info

 

nationalpartnership.org/portals/p3/library/PaidLeave/SickDays/GetWellSoon.pdf

 

Working With a Chronic Medical Condition

 

Somebody said that there are a hundred million people with a chronic illness in the United States.  A lot of people cannot afford to not work. 

Some want to work even while sick because it gives them a sense of inspiration and purpose.

 

The process is basic.  Have your little cry and a few days rest then start working again.  Do what you can from your bed.  Use your computer, take phonecalls, send emails, etc.  Some people are so cool that people they are doing business with don't know they're sick and in bed.

 

It's ridiculous to try to function at your old standard.  You do what you can.  Little by little you get stronger.  You reach a new modified standard and stay there.  It's good enough.  It's better than doing nothing.

 

You should love what you do for work to start with.  If you don't, you could read my book A Free Spirit's Search For Enlightenment to see that you are your true nature and that's it.  Find work that releases your natural energy and you will always love what you do.  Even when you're sick, you will want to do what naturally inspires you because you know this is what keeps you strong and energized.

 

There is no shame in modifying your workload, changing jobs within a company or starting something new if you intuitively feel it's the right thing to do.

 

In the past, I have delegated work to competent employees.  Get somebody else to take up some slack. 

 

It's easy to hire a virtual assistant over the internet or go on craigslist.org and hire someone to do your menial labor.

 

You don't have to tell people you have a medical condition unless it will be affecting your work so they will know that you will need to rest, leave early, etc.

 

We live in an ambitious culture hooked on getting things done quickly but that is not necessary.  You can do a reasonable amount of work without pushing for your limits.

 

Do what's really important.  Forget the minor stuff for now.

 

Do what you can, rest then work a little more.

 

If you are not tech savvy, check into email, twitter, web-conferencing, webinars, etc.

 

Make up your will, estate plan, etc. so you have it done and out of the way.

 

There are books around about working with a chrionic illness or medical condition.  I found one at #362.160 or RC963 at the library.

 

carepages.com

chronicbabe.com

chronicillness.org.au/downloads/ciapolicy07realflexibilityintheworkforce.pdf

eeoc.gov

healthmattersatwork.org

hopecafe.com

joanfriedlander.com

job-hunt.org/chronic-illness-job-search/chronic-illness-career-planning.shtml

job-hunt.org/chronic-illness-job-search/chronic-illness-job-search.shtml

job-hunt.org/chronic-illness-job-search/new-grad-choices-chronic-illness.shtml

jobs.aol.com/articles/2010/05/19/working-with-chronic-pain/

keepworkinggirlfriend.com

keepworkinggirlfriend.com/2008/05/21/careers-jobs-and-chronic-illness/

sharecare.com/question/why-open-about-chronic-illness

stress-freelife.com/workplacestress.html

theworkathomewoman.com/tag/chronic-illness/

theworkathomewoman.com/working-at-home-while-living-with-a-chronic-illness/

webmd.com/pain-management/tc/office-ergonomics-topic-overview

well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/19/managing-chronic-illness-at-work/

well.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/19/managing-chronic-illness-at-work/

workingwithchronicillness.com

 

Maternity Leave and Motherhood

 

Every state government and company has different laws regarding maternity leave.  Either get a copy at work, at the local library (books about maternity leave are at #306.7 or HD6065) or at a law library.  Maternity Leave is a three stage deal:

 

Tell your boss and preparing to leave work.

 

Maternity leave when you have your baby.

 

Going back to work (daycare, babysitting, juggling motherhood and work).

 

Most companies have flexible maternity leave options that are tailored on a case by case basis.  Talk to your boss or the employee relations/ personnel office about six months before the baby is expected in order to work out the exact details.

 

You might be able to change the normal schedule to suit your needs, possibly work part-time, odd hours called flex-time or even work at home if it's computer or some kind of paper work.

 

Get it in writing so you'll be ready when the baby is almost due.  Get ready for baby and try to make caregiving arrangements either a babysitter, relatives, grandparents, baby nurse, daycare center, friends, live-in nanny, daily nanny, center based infant daycare usually run by a charitable organization (churches, schools, hospitals, welfare organizations, corporations) or possibly daycare at work.

 

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 requires employers of 15 employees or more who have short-term disability policies to treat pregnancy as a disability and grant paid maternity leave for about six to eight weeks. 

 

Generally, a company doctor determines the length of maternity leave on a case by case basis.  It usually starts two weeks before delivery and continues for six to eight weeks after.

 

Ceaserean births are usually granted two extra weeks of leave.  Although some European countries offer paternity leave to fathers, this is not currently the case in America.

 

Depending on the company, maternity leaves are fully paid, partially paid or not covered at all.  Job protection may not be guaranteed.  Although some companies don't have to offer disability leave, most do.

 

Find a pediatrician who has hours conducive to working mothers.  Find a working mother's support group at the YWCA, church or other places like at work. 

 

Find child information at the library, #618 (medical), #649 (child rearing) and many magazines.  Make sure your husband and other close people are happy with the arrangements.

 

Your husband will either want you to go back to work as soon as possible because he's worried about the money situation or he's making enough such that he'll want you to stay home to become a homemaker.  You have to talk it out and make a firm agreement so you both know what's going on.

 

Be businesslike at work with your boss in hammering out the details.  Don't be selfish, sweet or too rigid.  Work out a middle ground balancing your need for maternity leave to his need for a good worker who's there.

 

Don't go overboard talking and planning about your baby at work.  Do your job professionally.  That's what you're paid for.  Some people may be jealous or callous to your pregnancy.  Keep it as invisible as possible on the job.

 

Many studies have been done on child rearing and the undeniable fact is that it's not quantity of time spent with a child that counts, it's quality meaning working mothers can raise good children who love them as long as they spend honest quality time with them.

 

Don't feel guilty about being a working mother who puts the baby into someone else's care for part of the day.  Many mothers have an identity crisis and wonder if they should work, be mothers or both.  Think it through to make the best decision for yourself.

 

If you don't have a lot of money, the government has subsidies and programs for working mothers especially single ones living near the poverty level so make a few phone calls to the government employment office and various social service agencies to ask about them.

 

Get health insurance for the baby.  There are private low cost options and government assistance for children's medical needs.

 

In order to stay legal, contact your local unemployment tax office and workman's compensation office to ask about details when hiring domestic workers for your home.

 

Always have a back-up for your daycare because people get sick, go out of business, etc.  Don't try to be supermom.  Go back to work.  See how it goes.  If it's too much, ask your boss if you can work part-time or partially at home. 

 

Don't overwork yourself and get stressed out.

 

Try to balance work, baby, husband and time for yourself.  Try to keep your love life alive.  Be ready for post-partum depression when the mothering hormones in your body subside, the excitement dies down and baby becomes part of the routine.

 

Stay calm and become friends with your caregiver.  Don't get jealous of her and compete for baby's love.  She's just doing her job.  Talk to her and get a feel for her.  Possibly install a hidden camera to see how she's really treating the baby.  Give her a raise if she deserves it.  Never take her for granted.

 

Give her space and privacy for her own life.  You have a baby for love because you want to love him or her and help them become decent human beings.  Never lose sight of that through all the trials and tribulations of raising your child.

 

Parental leave is a catch-all phrase for granting leave for adoptive parents and any other extraneous situation a modern family might face like a very sick child or a troubled one.

 

Some companies will offer you unpaid leave if you ask for it.

 

Call 800-424-367, irs.gov, get booklet #503, Child and Dependent Care Credit and the booklet Employment Taxes for Household Employees if you have a babysitter or nanny. 

Find out if your company has child care benefits in the form of medical insurance and daycare.

 

In some workplaces, you can have the baby with you at work.

 

nationalpartnership.org

nccic.acf.hhs.gov

cdinet.com/womensrights/database.html, maternity protection database.

hreoc.gov.au/sexdiscrimination/pml

ilo.org/public/english/employment/gems/eeo/la

w/sweden

washingtonpost.com/wp-

srv/inatl/longterm/woe/archives/mom, maternity leave around the world.

 

National Assn. for The Education of Young Children

1509 16th St. Nw

Washington, Dc 20036-1426

800-424-2460

naeyc.org

Accrediting organization for daycare centers, publications.

 

Adoption Benefits

 

adoptionfriendlyworkplace.org

 

Pregnancy Matters

 

The Pregnancy Discrimination Act/ PDA prohibits discrimination based on pregnancy, childbirth or related medical conditions in all manner of the employment process from hiring to performance to termination. 

Basically, employers are legally obligated to allow a pregnant woman to work as long as she is able to do her job satisfactorily and he has to hold the job open for her to return within a reasonable amount of time.

 

The PDA is a U.S. Federal law barring discrimination against a woman because of pregnancy, childbirth or a related medical condition. 

It applies to women who work in companies with more than 15 employees.Employers cannot refuse to hire, fire, demote or penalize anyone based on pregnancy.

 

It doesn't give you any specific benefits but prevents you from being discriminated against in any benefits the others get just because you're pregnant.

 

In practice, individual women have difficulty bringing a pregnancy discrimination case to court and winning.  Many women are still harassed and unduly fired during pregnancy. 

When contemplating a pregnancy, consider reviewing your state's pregnancy discrimination laws.

 

An employer's health insurance must be used to cover pregnancy just like with any other medical condition.  If an employer provides extra benefits for other medical conditions, then pregnancy must be covered too.

 

atom.com/funny_videos, check out the video working during pregnancy.

medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=51386, work and pregnancy

9 To 5

 

National Assn. of Working Women

1430 W. Peachtree St.

#610

Atlanta, Ga 30309

404-876-1604

Fax: 404-876-1649

800-522-0925

hotline9to5@igc.org

9to5.org

Generally an advocacy group for women.

 

National Organization for Women's Legal Defense and Education Fund

99 Hudson St.

Nyc 10036

212-925-6635

Fax: 212-226-1066

now.org

 

Work and Caregiving

 

careerplanning.                            dead website, try dotdash.com, thebalance.com and thoughtco.com
/od/balancingworkandfamily/a/elder_care.htm

beingafamily.com/eldercare/

eldercare.uniontrib.com, san diego.

eldercareadvocates.com

referenceforbusiness.com/small/di-eq/eldercare.html

river2u.com

seniorbridge.net

senioroutlook.com

workingwomenplus.com, helping adult children cope with aging parents.

 

Work-Family Websites

 

Books about work and family are at #640.43 or HD4904.25 at the library. 

 

Books about working parents are #306.87, #646.70 or HQ759 and QB198.3 at the library.

 

moms-refuge.com, Working Moms' Internet Refuge

workingparents.com, Working Parents, links to parenting, careers

nationalpartnership.org, national partnership for women and families

hsph.harvard.edu/globalworkingfamilies

womenwork.org

awlp.org, alliance for work-life progress, awlp advances work-life effectiveness as a strategy for better integration of work, family and community.

flexibilityalliance.org, the flexibility alliance supporting flexible work for mothers, tools to help parents propose flexible schedules to their employers, online forums and resources for employers.

parentsatwork.org.uk workingmother.com

workingparents corn

familiesandwork.org

catalystwomen.org

careerjournal.com/columnists/workfamily parenting.ivillage.com/mom/workfamily/topics/

9to5.org, 800-522-0925, info about flexible work.

catalystwomen.org

childcare.ucla.edu/childcare/wpn.htm, working parents newsletter.

dol.gov/dol/wb, 800-827-5335, u.s. dept of labor, women's bureau publications.

familiesandwork.org

familiesandworkinst.org, families and work institute.

family.disney.com

mcs.net, notes from terminally ill parents.

mentor-media.com

momsonline.com

mothersandmore.org

naturalchild.com

nww.org, new ways to work.

parentsoup.com

positiveparenting.com

wahm.com, work at home moms.

workfamily.com

 

9 To 5

National Assn. of Working Women

1430 W. Peachtree St.

#610

Atlanta, Ga 30309

404-876-1604

Fax: 404-876-1649

800-522-0925

hotline9to5@igc.org

9to5.org

Generally an advocacy group for women but helps men too in such work areas as sexual harassment, maternity leave or any job problems in general.  Annual membership fee entitles you to their database of information.

 

Assn. of Part-Time Professionals

7700 Leesburg Pike

#216

Falls Church, Va 22043

703-734-7975

Flexible work resources.

 

Conference Board

Work and Family Information Center

845 3rd Ave.

Nyc 10022

212-759-0900

conference-board.org

 

Earned Income Tax Credit/Eitc

800-829-1040

irs.gov

If you earn less than a certain amount and have children under 19 living at home, you get a tax break.

 

Family and Work Institute

330 7th Ave.

14th Fl.

Nyc 10001

212-465-2044

familiesandworkinst.org

 

Family Resource Coalition

200 S. Michigan Ave.

#1250

Chicago, Il 60604

312-341-0900

Family resource work publications.

 

Family Service America

11700 W. Lake Park Dr.

Park Pl.

Milwaukee, Wi 53224

414-359-1040

Helps people find work.

 

Hispanic Advocacy and Resource Center

2488 Grand Concourse

#413

Nyc 10459

212-733-1200

 

Parenting Publications

 

For more magazine selections, ask for a Periodical Directory at your local library.

 

americanbaby.com, 800-525-0643, several parenting mags.

 

athomemothers.com

atlantaparent.com

babytalk.com

bayareaparent.com

bigappleparents.com

birthgazette.com

chicagoparent.com

child.com

childmag.com

compleatmother.com

delawarefamily.com

enews.com/magazines

epregnancy.com

family.com

family.go.com

familypc.com

fitpregnancy.com

healthykids.com

homearts.com

informedparent.com

laparent.com. los angeles.

lipn.com, long island parent.

metrokids.com

mothering.com

newmoon.org, parents of preteen girls.

nwfamily.com, northwest.

nyfamily.com

osv.com, catholic.

owl.on.ca, canadian children's magazines.

parentinginsights.com

parents.com

positiveparenting.com

sandiegofamily.com

smartkid.com

todaysparent.com

tuesdayschild.com, parenting a child with disabilities.

twinsmagazine.com

vegetarianbaby.com

westrernnewyork.com

womweb.com

 

Compleat Mother:

Pregnancy, Birth and Breastfeeding

720 4th Ave. Nw

#209

Minot, Nd 58703

701-852-2822

compleatmother.com

 

Chapter 13. A Working Parent With a Disabled Child

 

Work and Raising a Disabled Child

 

Under the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act ADA, employersor

can't fire you because you have a child with special needs.  Nor can

they refuse to hire or offer you other employment opportunities such

as promotions or transfers. 

 

You are protected from this form of discrimination by association if your workplace has fifteen employees

or more. 

 

Your employer may not refuse you health insurance because of your child's medical needs, even if those needs may increase the costs. 

However, a parent of a child with a disability is not entitled to any work accommodations under the ADA. 

 

If you miss work regularly to tend to your child and you have exceeded FMLA and any other leave you are entitled to, you may face demotion or dismissal.

 

You're somewhat protected at work to take time off to raise a disabled child through laws like FMLA and the Americans with Disabilities Act but only for certain work situations.  Small businesses don't have to adhere to the FMLA.  If your company violates these rules, go through their grievance process.  If that's not enough, contact the federal Department of Labor.  If you're still not satisfied, get an employment lawyer and file a civil lawsuit.

 

In Canada, there is some federal legislation that mandates up to eight weeks of compassionate care leave to care for critically ill family members of employees of the federal government or companies under federal jurisdiction but most of the laws are provincial.

 

If your child has a disability, you should tell your boss so he or she knows you might have to leave sometimes to attend to the child.

No matter what, your work still has to meet a satisfactory standard.

 

You have to explain the exact disability to your boss or give him some literature and a DVD on it then say that you will always get your work done but it might be late at night rather than during the day.

 

The bigger the company, the more likely that there are other parents like you raising disabled children so it will be more likely that the company understands these situations and will work with you.

 

Ask directly for what you need.  It will probably be best to do this in a letter because then you won't be nervous.  You can take the time to think it through.

 

Don't apologize for having a disabled child.  It's a reality of life.  Just say you're commited to the company and will always do good work.

 

At some point in time after you've proven your ability to work, ask about flex-job option possibilities like:

 

telecommuting/ telework

 

working at different times

 

adjusted lunchtime (make up for it later in the day)

 

compressed work week, work four ten hour days over five eight hour days

 

comp time, work at the office in the morning, go home, finish the work from there

 

The problem is that you have to convince your boss to let you do one of these options.

 

Another possibility is to go part-time or split your fulltime job into two part-time ones, with you working one of them.

 

Job sharing is another option, two people share one job.  Each get 50% of the salary.

 

You can always look for an easier job.

 

You can try a home business, myhomebusiness.com.

 

Some companies will allow you to take an extended leave without pay for six months to several years.

 

If you can't find care you'll have to quit work and do it yourself.

 

You can switch careers.  Look around for some kind of career or job you can do at home like medical transcription, train for it then get a job doing it.

 

You can get a night shift job and be with your child during the day.

 

When you raise a disabled child, you learn a set of skills right there, how to take care of children with that disability so if you get involved with the organizations and companies that deal with that disability, you could network your way into a job in that field.

 

Parents of Disabled Children and Work Websites

 

mchb.hrsa.gov/chscn/pages/prevalence.htm, Prevalence of Children with Special Health Care Needs.

 

familiesandwork.org

wilder.org, Amherst H. Wilder Foundation, childcare and work.

 

urban.org, Use of Relative Care by Working Parents.

 

bls.gov, bureau of labor statistics.

 

kff.org, Kaiser Family Foundation childrensdefense.org/earlychildhood/childcare/highcost.pdf

familyvoices.org

bls.gov, Know Your Legal Rights at Work

mchb.hrsa.gov/chscn/pages/impact.htm, The National Survey of Children with Special Health Care Needs

 

Chapter 14. Learning From Others/ Mentoring

 

Mentor Info

 

To me, mentoring is trying to make a formal process out of something that happens informally.  Likeminded kindred spirits get together on the job, at social functions, etc. and help each other by talking about their field then meeting to show each other things. 

 

Nowadays somebody made up this idea that you approach someone and formally ask to be mentored.  It's not something I'd do.

 

Mentors are good if you can first find a friend in your field that has more knowledge and experience than you.

 

A mentor has networking connections he might pass off to you.

 

Start small.  Ask for a few minutes of time to help you with something.

 

You can't just waltz over to a stranger and say you heard he was successful, fascinating and cool so you want him to mentor you.  Mentoring is all about human relationships.  You have to make somebody like you before they'll mentor you. 

 

Most people have big enough egos that they would be interested in mentoring a worthy young greenhorn but the operational word is worthy.  The poterntial mentor has to feel that this person is a kindred spirit in some way.

 

When you send unsolicited emails or letters asking for an internship, don't say anything about mentoring.  It's too presumptuous and personal.  Just say you want to learn about the field.  After you get there, big cheese will watch you, give you some tasks then decide if you're worthy for him or her to mentor.

 

That's the way it works.  Go in young, eager, opiniated but humble.  It doesn't matter how motivated you are, if big cheese thinks you're a smart ass, forget it.

 

It's the same in academic mentoring.  Every graduate student needs a mentor or chair person to help him or her with the thesis.  You have to go around asking professors to be your advisor.  It's all about how personable you come off to them.

 

There doesn't have to be a formal proclamation that person X is your mentor.  You just do your job, go around acting motivated, asking informal questions then people decide if they want to talk to you extensively about the field or not.

 

It's best to not even use the word "mentor" because it implies a serious long-term commitment.  It's best to be two friends informally talking about their field with one taking the informal role of the teacher.

 

If you want to meet some big-shot, study what they did recently then when you meet them, ask some questions about it.

 

If you know somebody who knows big cheese, figure out a way to get your friend to introduce you to him or her.

 

Talk for a few minutes and if you connect with some area of common ground, say something like, "I know you're busy but would it be okay if I made an appointment to get some advice on this sometime?"

 

Present yourself in a professional manner not as a dipsy fan.

 

The first meeting is an audition.

 

Know particularly what this person does in the field.

 

Be respectful.

 

Make a request for further contact only after a friendly dialog.  Keep it light and appropriate like just talk as opposed to I need a mentor.

 

Stay in regular touch with your mentors.  Consult your mentor during a specific project.  Don't drop out of sight and then when a crisis hits, contact your mentor frantically for help.  He will likely help you out but also feel somewhat used.

 

You don't want the mentor to feel you've wasted his time.  Have a defined purpose for each session and show up  prepared.

 

Sometimes it's good to stay in touch for social, friendship reasons.

 

Thank your mentor.  Take him out for lunch or supper or for a drink while you talk.

If you see an article somewhere that he might be interested in, bring it to him.

 

Offer to help on a project he's working on.

 

Job Groups For Mentoring and Success

 

There are some online groups where people, who are employed as opposed to looking for work which most job support groups are geared for, go on to discuss their issues, problems, etc.

 

shersuccessteams.com

 

washingtonpost.com, job discussion groups.

 

groups.google.com

groups.yahoo.com

 

Job Mentor Websites

 

Somebody shows a younger person how to do a good job.

 

mentoring.org, national mentoring partnership.

 

alumni.mtu.edu/youngalumni/mentor.php

canr.msu.edu/vanburen/jobdescr.htm, mentor job description, mentor role

careermentorservices.com

careermentorservices.com

ecopsych.com/ecocertmentor.html

ed.gov/pubs/or/consumerguides/mentor.html

e-mentoring.com

getamentor.com, radio, film and broadcasting internship graduatementorservices.com

jan.wvu.edu/job/mentorrelationship.htm, how to develop a mentor relationship at work

mentor.lanl.gov

mentor-center.org

mentorkids.com

mentornet.com

mentornet.net

mentors.ca, mentoring program, canada.

mentorsconnections.org

mentoru.com

mymentoronline.com peer.ca/topmenbks.html

personalstrengths.com

telementor.org

vmentor.com

wmich.edu/conferences/mentoring

 

Directory of Mentor Arts &

Mentorship

1052 Davie St.

Victoria, BC V8S 4E3

800 567 3700

250 595 3503

info@peer.ca

peer.ca

mentors.ca

 

Mentoring Websites

 

mentoring.org, national mentoring partnership.

 

alumni.mtu.edu/youngalumni/mentor.php

americaspromise.org

cbs.com/cbs_cares/mentoring/index.shtml

cftpa.ca, national mentorship program essence.com, black kids mentoring

mentoring.org.

gordonpies.com, 888-432-6368, mentoring program.

mentor.external.hp.com

mentor.lanl.gov

mentoring.org, 888-432-mentor, help some kids out.

mentornet.net

mentors.ca, mentoring program, canada.

mentorsconnections.org

mentoru.com

middleweb.com/mentoring.html mentorkids.com

nap.edu/readingroom/books/mentor/

vmentor.com